Highly Sensitive, Happily Married

The connection and closeness we so deeply want with our partner can dissipate for a variety of reasons, but often it comes from a slow hardening of our hearts towards our spouse in response to the arguments, the many moments of irritation, or the mistakes we feel they are making, and the disappointment we feel from it all. If that resonates at all (or you are simply tired of feeling disconnected w...

167  You want to look forward to your life with your significant other into the future. Imaging a bright future with each other is part of what keeps a relationship vibrant and alive in the present.  An important (and sometimes overlooked) piece of that is spending time dreaming into that future together with your spouse. Sharing and supportively working towards both your personal dreams and your...

Many women I talk to feel as though their husband doesn't contribute enough domestically, like with the household chores like dishes, laundry, etc, or with the kids.  If that is going on at all for you, you probably feel resentful about it, and a sense of burden at having to do the lion's share of the domestic load. Who wouldn’t?! This episode will change that, and help you get your part...

165   If you are tired, as so many women–and especially highly sensitive women—are these days, then it IS affecting your relationship – for the worse. When we are tired, depleted, or burnt out, we HSPs tend to feel especially burdened, irritable and even resentful. And unfortunately it is just so easy to get tired, depleted or burnt out in our modern lives with all the societal and real-life press...

164  All marriages have ups and downs. It's in large part how you handle the downs that determines the overall quality of your relationship, and whether it grows more deeply loving and stays that way, or it disintegrates. In this episode I candidly share how I recently applied my own coaching teachings to my own marriage during one of those harder times (when I was feeling like my husband was...

163  Understanding this one thing about relationships can truly make or break your marriage: What we practice grows stronger. And in our relationship, we are, consciously or unconsciously, always practicing.   We practice having arguments, or finding our way to a solution. We practice reactive communication, or choosing to communicate more consciously, we practice repulsion or we practice attracti...

162  Today you'll hear about one of the big things my husband and I do once a year that just lights up our marriage–it’s like a total connection, attraction, and intimacy rejuvenator for us. And it can be for you, too. Although usually the most important work you can do in your marriage is about small actions and changes made on a regular basis, I’ve found that there are some bigger things yo...

161  Today is a quick dip into an absolutely ESSENTIAL part of building and maintaining a great relationship with your significant other: consciously fostering fondness of them. (You’ll do it in just 5 minutes!) And yes, you CAN absolutely feel more warmth, admiration and love for them on purpose, and build in more of all the good stuff between you and your spouse. A solid body of research about w...

160  A common question I have heard from women I work with is, “ How can I hold my partner accountable ?” And the internet is full of people saying we need to hold our husbands accountable. But what even does that really mean when it comes to an intimate relationship? And how do you actually do it? That’s what you will learn here today. The truth is, “holding someone accountable” can be an importa...

159  Almost all of us instinctively approach our intimate relationships in mixed ways: ones that generate more loving intimacy and harmony, and ones that drive division and pain, which I call the Backfiring Tactics.  To have the marriage you want, it will take cultivating more of the first, and minimizing those Backfiring Tactics. This is always one of the very first things I help my clients do, a...

If you don't feel your partner loving you, or sometimes your partner’s supposed love isn’t matched by his actions, this episode is for you. Women often share with me that this is a common experience for them, and they are hurting because of it. And without some insight into what is really going on in these instances, their relationship just feels worse and worse over time. I don't want t...

157  There are many “micro” things you can do on a regular basis to keep your relationship strong (and so you don't need larger “interventions” that take a lot more time and energy in order to get things back on track).  And a very important one? Micro repairs. Today we dive into just how to make them, as well as how to make micro re-directs that will help stop a downhill-heading interaction...

156  An episode for both you and your spouse, especially if communication isn’t always the easiest thing between you or if one or both of you ever feel misunderstood or unheard.  If you want to give your marriage the best chance to be the fulfilling connected one you want–the NEW marriage we talked about last episode– and your partner the very best chance to be the loving, supportive one you want,...

155   Sometimes you hear something that changes everything, and puts you in a state of mind that leads to finally being able to bring a big dream to life. This must listen episode may very well be that for you. Because if you are like most of the women I talk to and work with, you want a new level of intimacy with your spouse: a real partnership that is tender, connected, deeply supportive and nur...

154   Other people in your life  ( friends, family members',  and even professional "authorities" in your life) are going to have opinions on your spouse and your relationship, and they may share them with you. If you don't know how to handle this well, you may end up making things even harder in your relationship. As highly sensitive people it can be all too easy to let our ot...

153   As women, we often go to our friends and other people in our lives when something isn't going as well as we want with our partner, or when an issue comes up. And it’s only natural to want to get support that way.  But, it is all too easy when we do that to fall into the toxic trap of griping, venting and male-bashing — even WITH the big sensitive conscientious hearts we tend to have as...

152   Not feeling as connected as you want to with your spouse? Feeling like you're not on the same page much these days, or you have sort of evolved AWAY from each other? I have been there and it doesn't feel good. But there is a way back that’s simple and straightforward.  In this episode, you’ll hear a great remedy to bring more connection into your marriage–in ways BOTH you and your...

151  Most of the highly sensitive women  I talk to mention wanting their relationship to feel "lighter"-- easier, more carefree, more warmhearted.  And that IS a place where a lot of joy  can be found in our intimate relationships--if we can access that lightness. . . The challenge is, as HSPs, we can tend to take things pretty seriously. Not a bad thing, by any means, but it can make it...

150  I put out a call to you listeners for questions, and today I am going to answer three of them! All three highly sensitive women’s questions are very relatable and have a somewhat similar theme: How to handle being bothered by things their spouse does or ways he is, so they can feel better AND work with their spouse effectively in these situations.  Specifically (but with a bit more detail). E...

149   After 32 years of marriage, and the help of many different marriage counselors,  Kathy was looking at apartments and thinking of a future without her husband. She just could hardly imagine being happy with him again. Nor did he seem interested in getting help for his side of the issue they had between them. But,  after just a week or two of starting her work with me, not only did she start t...

148  If you're a woman between the ages of 35 and 55, you are going to want to catch this episode–and bring your spouse! Because this is a big transitional time for women and couples of this age range. And, even though the hormonal shifts that happen during this time have a bad rep, they actually bring along with them a big opportunity to grow the love, supportiveness, connection in your marr...

If you are at all curious about or interested in what coaching can do for you and your relationship, or even what it IS, this bonus episode will help clarify that, and what my specific version of it, for highly sensitive people,  is all about. Since I have changed a few things over the years in what and how I offer marriage coaching, I wanted to update you about those changes as well as help answe...

147  Gina, a client who worked with me in Treasured, had been totally disconnected from her husband and lonely in her marriage for 20+ years. The connected intimacy we love as sensitive people? There wasn’t any of it. She wasn’t sure she could change things much after all those years, or how totally disconnected they were,  but she was clear she didn't want her life to feel that way forever,...

146  What can you realistically expect to feel in a good and healthy relationship? In this episode I spill the beans. Listen in to hear one potent bit of clarifying medicine to help you lean away from all the painful worry and doubt that comes up around your relationship, to relieve you from all the questioning you may be doing about whether this marriage can be improved or not, and help you lean...

145  If you sometimes (or often) can't quite feel love for your significant other, I totally get it. I have felt that, too, many a-time, and I know it DOESN'T feel so good . Because, of course you want to feel love for and connection to the person you spend your life with, right? So I want to share a personal story with you that will help. Dive into today's episode to hear about one...