Happy Hour: The Definitive 7th Heaven Walkthrough

Send us Fan Mail This week we're met with a bad filler episode full of recycled plots and half-developed ideas. Lucy has a new "boyfriend" we don't remember, Simon is interviewing a possible new girlfriend supplied by Laura (who apparently broke up with him), Matt and Mary are drinking milk and driving, and Grandpa and Ginger almost call their wedding off due to an impromptu ce...

Send us Fan Mail We sit down with a very stereotypical 7th heaven episode: dumb one-liners, some d-plot involving small children, Matt rescuing another pregnant woman, Eric meddling in the lives of troubled parishioners, a Mary/Lucy feud of sorts, and just a lot of school bus bullying.  This week we drank: Miller High Life (The Champagne of Beers) in a can with a salt rim Check us out on Discord:...

Send us Fan Mail This week on the cast, we enter a Lewis Carroll fever dream of nonsense that relentlessly inverts logic and assaults our ears with discordant jazz. Matt's hot for teacher, Mary tears it up on the monkey bars, and Lucy - well Lucy's plot just has to be seen to be believed. We drank: Tecate Tall Boys and Topo Chico Pineapple Hard Seltzer Check us out on Discord: https://di...

Send us Fan Mail The famous Allison Mack episode is on deck! Ruthie has a scheme to suck at math for attention and profit, Matt can't stop asking people what is wrong with him, Mary is very on point and spends the episode trying to warn everyone about Allison Mack, and corn dogs abound! This week we drank some local beers at the local bar. Check us out on Discord: https://discord.gg/5JVVYpPPc...

Send us Fan Mail Hey gang, this week on the cast - the dangers of binge drinking, the dangers of binary gender, and just nonstop off topic asides + hiccuping. Matt learns some hard lessons about how much frats suck during his first semester at college, Annie simultaneously wants Simon to adhere to gender roles and is then mad when he does, Lucy meanwhile becomes an amazing amateur mechanic, and Ma...

Send us Fan Mail We begin Season 3 with Annie's annoying pregnancy antics and a fresh year of school for the Camden kids. Matt moves in with 3 women off campus, an impossible situation that can never work out because women are foul temptresses. Speaking of which, Mary and Lucy get involved in a unilateral boy dating contest, which Mary handily wins by being gayer, and Simon's gf Laura ha...

Send us Fan Mail Wow, we are done season 2! Wild and wacky times abound: Mary's pregnancy scare is quickly forgotten, Happy is dyed pink, MITs preach that ambidexterity is next to godliness, and Kenny is . . . pretty weird. This week we drank: Heavy Seas Tropicannon Fortaleza  Blanco Tequila The Botanist Gin and Soda Check us out on Discord: https://discord.gg/5JVVYpPPcp

Send us Fan Mail Hey everyone! Turns out we're taking that break we talked about this week. See you next week to finish off season 2 with a bang. Check us out on Discord: https://discord.gg/5JVVYpPPcp

Send us Fan Mail Part I of the Season 2 finale! Matt finally starts to crack as the whole family guilts him about leaving, Billy is really annoying, and Happy's custody battle is ignited. Also Rod and Jimmy are better at Eric's job than he is. Oh yeah and Mary is "pregnant". Just throw that in there at the end. Why is every season finale cliff hanger about Mary? We were too tir...

Send us Fan Mail This week on the cast: Matt goes to the prom with a "harlot" out of spite, Ruthie's world view is shattered when she learns life-size dancing stegosauruses aren't real, Mary and Lucy have a plot about dating creepy twins that doesn't need to exist, PLUS a 90s ska montage about making a dress out of curtains. We drank a lot of stuff before recording, but du...

Send us Fan Mail We are headed towards the Season 2 finish line with this awkward filler episode. It involves a really dirty daughter/father duo, Simon attempting to steal said dirty daughter, Matt hating his family, Sgt. Michaels not following a single department policy, and more Camden room drama.  This week we drank: Fortaleza Blanco Jackie O's Razz Wheat Check us out on Discord: https://d...

Send us Fan Mail Friend of the show and noted Frenchman Stephen is back to help us analyze what we have deemed the best episode of 7th Heaven yet! Goofiness and camp are in full effect as a charming, somewhat sexist, flakey, and chain smoking French foreign exchange student moves in with the Camdens. We also learn some important lessons about Internet safety.  Greg drank the sad dog beer again. Ch...

Send us Fan Mail This week on the cast: Lucy encounters grief when her friend dies in a brutal accident (it's someone we don't know or care about), more secrets of the Camden house layout are revealed, Ruthie is unfortunately becoming as annoying as Simon, and Mary continues to do everything in her power to avoid touching cute boys. We drank: Flying Dog Blood Line Blood Orange Ale. This...

Send us Fan Mail On the show this week: Eric and Morgan do not break any kneecaps, nearly everyone ends up at a movie they do not want to watch, Matt and John go to the jazz club where John has a jazz meltdown, and some very uncomfortable padded bra scenes occur. We were drinking: Paloma 2 oz Tequila Squeeze of Fresh Lime Grapefruit soda such as Squirt or Ting. Build in glass with ice and top with...

Send us Fan Mail This week on the cast: going to the worst museum is the worst plot, Mary and former bball rival Diane cultivate a budding romance, a lot of talk about a dance that we never see, Suzanne hits the mean streets of Glen Oak, and the debut of one hot (and mean) science teacher.  We drank the soju Chum Churum. Check us out on Discord: https://discord.gg/5JVVYpPPcp

Send us Fan Mail Believe us when we tell you this is a good one. Tune in for: the world's worst restaurant, the beanie weenies after school special, a completely left field fake heart attack, and of course, dog credit cards! Drink this week: Morgan's Negroni 1 oz Aperol 1 oz Sweet Vermouth 1 oz Gin  Build in tumbler with ice, stir, and garnish with a lemon twist. Check us out on Discord:...

Send us Fan Mail Boy do we have an episode on our hands. Lucy can't decide between newly-single Jimmy Moon and pseudo-stoner Rod, so the rest of the family takes bets on her pick. Grandpa shows up with an interesting new look and a lot of immature feelings. Eric and Annie try to help three young couples get their lives together, with limited success. And Ruthie hops in every scene to talk abo...

Send us Fan Mail This week on the show: discordant plots collide as Simon nurses a golfing addiction, church accountant and resident jerk Lou gets caught stealing from the coffers, and the Camden kids take down Coach Creeper with the help of feminist Principal Whitmer. The Spaghett Bottle of Miller High Life (drink some for room) 1 oz Aperol 1 oz Lemon Juice Check us out on Discord: https://discor...

Send us Fan Mail On our plate this episode: Eric forgets the roast (and honestly everything else in his life) because he was busy staring at Microsoft Word for three days, Mary is feeling insecure about new bball player in town, Diane, Lucy struggles to understand the history of the Vietnam War, which makes her seem cool to slacker boy Todd, Simon fancies himself a magician, and the Colonel flies...

Send us Fan Mail Sorry my mic sounds real warble-y this time, Greg told me to record in the bath tub during our swimming lessons. On the show this week: Eric is worried about his "water weight" so he eats everything in town, Simon is trying to teach Ruthie how to swim above her weight class, Lucy gets burned by the Mila Kunis mean girls yet again, and Mary starts dating a weird frog muti...

Send us Fan Mail Guys, we did it successfully this time. The famous "3/3 IMDB reviewers give this episode 10/10" holocaust episode of 7th Heaven has been officially analyzed. There are three plots about hate of extremely varying degrees, and believe it or not, a full scene we deemed to be "good". We completely forgot to mention it, but this week we were drinking Dirty Little Fr...

Send us Fan Mail Hi gang, we screwed up the audio for today's episode so we need to take this week off to muster up our will to re-record the whole thing. See you next Sunday, same Bat Time same Bat Place! Check us out on Discord: https://discord.gg/5JVVYpPPcp

Send us Fan Mail This week we bring you the most Shark Tank episode of 7th Heaven yet. There are facts, there are figures, not a contract is in sight. Also Matt hosts a one man ball game, Mary renounces the trappings of heteronormativity, and The Tick is cross promoted up and down. Korean Girl Group Audition We discussed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aYefPQgBZNI&ab_channel=nokot36 This week...

Send us Fan Mail Watch out world, Shiri Appleby is here and she is a hardcore gangster complete with that traditional suburban gangster accoutrement - a Hot Topic belt buckle. Also this episode: we learn Lucy wants her ashes scattered about the local mall escalators so she can rest with Jim the mall cop forever, Simon is "getting into" hang gliding, and Ruthie's repetitive comedic r...

Send us Fan Mail All of the dangerous liaisons dangerously end in this messy episode chock full of romances gone wrong. First, Matt plans a terrible cross country road trip to grovel at the feet of Heather, Simon learns about the perils of dating Friends side characters, Ruthie goes head to head with Mrs. Rainy when she interrupts her Xena LARP, and Eric crushes poor little puppy dog Wilson. Mary...