Good Vanilla

Have you started to believe… “This is just my life now”? Like this struggle is permanent. Like nothing is going to change. Like this is just how it’s always going to be. That belief is one of the most dangerous lies in eating disorder recovery. Because it doesn’t just keep you stuck — it kills hope. In this episode, we break down why that thought shows up, how exhaustion fuels it, and what to do w...

If your eating disorder feels stronger than you… like no matter what you do, it keeps winning… this episode is going to flip that belief. Because the truth is — it’s not stronger. It’s just been practiced longer. In this episode, we break down why your eating disorder can feel so powerful, how repetition strengthens those patterns, and how to begin interrupting them. And most importantly, we talk...

If your eating disorder feels automatic… like it just happens… like you don’t have a choice… this episode is going to challenge that belief. Because one of the biggest lies keeping you stuck is this: “I don’t have a choice.” In this episode, we break down why eating disorder behaviors can feel automatic, why that belief is dangerous, and how it keeps you passive in your recovery. You’ll learn how...

At some point, eating disorder behaviors stop feeling like something you do… and start feeling like who you are. The same foods. The same routines. The same rules. The same thoughts. It becomes your normal. In this episode, we’re breaking down one of the biggest lies eating disorders tell: “This is just who I am.” Because when you believe that, you stop fighting. I share what my daily life looked...

If your identity has been shaped by your body, your weight, or your eating disorder… this episode is going to challenge everything you believe about yourself. Because this isn’t just about why identity matters. It’s about who you actually are in Christ. In this episode, I share more of my journey over the past two years — going deeper into understanding my identity in Christ and how that has chang...

So many women struggling with eating disorders build their identity around their body. Their weight. Their control. Their appearance. I know I did. I believed that if the number on the scale was low enough… if my body looked a certain way… then I would finally feel good enough, accepted, and like I belonged. But instead, I lost myself trying to become someone I wasn’t. In this episode, we talk abo...

Have you ever felt like everyone else can recover… but somehow you’re the exception? Like you’re trying to do recovery right, but deep down you feel like a fraud? That feeling has a name: imposter syndrome. And it shows up in eating disorder recovery all the time. In this episode, we’re breaking down what imposter syndrome actually looks like in recovery, why your eating disorder thrives on it, an...

Many women dream of food freedom. They want peace with food. Peace with their body. Peace in their mind. But instead they feel mentally exhausted — constantly trying to fix themselves through diet culture, chasing food rules, chasing control, and chasing the perfect body. In this episode, we talk about why that cycle keeps people stuck. Diet culture often uses shame, comparison, and the desire to...

If you’re fighting your eating disorder silently inside your own head, you might actually be strengthening it. Silence gives the disorder room to grow. But when you begin speaking — speaking to God, speaking to someone safe, speaking truth — something powerful happens. In this episode, I share a story from early in my recovery when I started saying my thoughts out loud to my husband. His calm, log...

Will this struggle follow you forever? That question carries a heavy emotional weight. When someone says eating disorders can be lifelong, it can feel like a sentence… like hope just shrank. In this episode, we take a deeper look at what most people miss. Your struggle may require awareness. But it does not get identity rights. I share a recent moment at the doctor’s office when the number on the...

What stays silent stays fused. If you’re still fighting your eating disorder silently inside your own head, this episode will challenge you in the best way. Because silence doesn’t just protect privacy — it protects the disorder. In this episode, I share the moment I didn’t realize was the beginning of healing: when I started speaking my thoughts out loud. I was overwhelmed, scared, and emotionall...

Loneliness often shows up in recovery — especially in transition. When you’re not who you used to be… But you’re not fully steady yet. In this episode, we talk about transitional loneliness, borrowed calm, and what it means when God feels quiet. Quiet does not mean absent. Presence doesn’t require volume. If you feel lonely right now, it doesn’t mean you’re failing. It might mean you’re growing.  ...

Are your negative thoughts quietly fueling your eating disorder? In this episode, I’m walking you through three ways to stop the spiral: patience, practice, and passion. We talk about why all-or-nothing thinking keeps you stuck, why you cannot bully your brain into healing, and how renewing your mind is a process — not an overnight transformation. You’ll learn a simple framework to capture thought...

If you constantly shape yourself to keep everyone comfortable, this episode is for you. Today we’re breaking down the psychology behind people pleasing, the fear underneath it, and why you cannot fully heal your relationship with food while still living for approval. We’ll talk about self-abandonment, fear of rejection, unstable anchors, blurry boundaries, and why even Jesus was rejected. You don’...

Early recovery can feel like a wilderness. Lonely. Disorienting. Exposed. You want to cling tightly to God — but shame makes you feel too messy to approach Him. In this episode, we talk about how to draw deeply close to God in a way that strengthens your healing, steadies your mind, and keeps you grounded in your body. We look at Hagar in Genesis 21 — alone, crying out in the wilderness — and the...

Avoiding triggers feels protective. But it doesn’t heal fear — it trains it. In this episode, we’re talking about why trigger warnings don’t solve food fear and the number one way to face your emotions and triggers instead. You’ll learn: • How avoidance quietly gives fear control • Why discomfort is not danger • The power of curiosity • And how courage is a spiritual discipline You are not fragile...

At 14 years old, I stepped on the scale and saw I had lost 10 pounds. I felt proud. Excited. Energized. And my very first thought was: “How much more can I lose?” That moment revealed something I didn’t understand at the time — no number was ever going to be enough. In this episode, we’re talking about the exhausting question that fuels restriction: Am I enough? You’ll learn: • Why striving keeps...

Have you ever felt defeated in recovery — like you’re tired of fighting, tired of hoping, tired of waiting? In this episode, I share three biblical truths to restore hope when recovery feels heavy and progress feels slow. We talk about: God as a deliverer His invitation to honesty over performance and how waiting seasons are not wasted seasons. If you’re exhausted, discouraged, or questioning whet...

Eating disorder recovery isn’t just about food — it’s about what’s underneath it. In this episode, I’m talking about the loneliness and depression that often hide beneath eating disorder behaviors, and why trying to heal alone keeps you stuck. I share a personal story from middle school that shaped how isolation and disordered eating became intertwined for me, and we unpack why emotional pain must...

If diet culture feels louder now than ever, you’re not failing—you’re changing. In this episode, we’re unpacking why: diet culture screams the loudest at the beginning of recovery why fear clings to the familiar even when it’s harmful and how what you consume shapes what you believe. I’m also sharing three simple, faith-centered ways to guard your heart, quiet the noise, and regain peace without a...

Triggers can hit when you’re already exhausted—surrounded by food, pressure, or memories that make restriction feel like the “safe” choice. In this episode, I’m sharing a personal story from a moment when fear quietly took over my decisions, disguising itself as control. We’ll talk about why restriction isn’t strength, how surrender is an active choice (not giving up), and how faith gives you a ne...

I used to be afraid to be seen—until God reminded me this was never about me being visible, but about Him. In this episode, we talk about why talking to God about your eating disorder changes everything. You’ll learn how conversation builds relationship, how relationship builds trust, and how obedience becomes the foundation for real accountability in recovery. If you’ve been listening to your eat...

If you've ever been afraid to let go of an eating disorder because you're terrified of gaining weight, this episode is for you. In today's conversation, I walk through what anorexia nervosa really is, why getting stuck in definitions and diagnoses can quietly keep you trapped, and how fear of weight gain fades when your focus shifts from control to Christ. We'll talk about why eating disorders are...

Comparison is sneaky — and exhausting. Online, in person, in the mirror… it’s so easy to measure ourselves against other women and come up feeling “less than.” For years, I judged my worth by how my body looked — especially the flatness of my stomach. That constant self-criticism drained the life out of me. And it wasn’t until I began trusting God more deeply that comparison slowly loosened its gr...

I remember when working out felt non-negotiable — something I had to do to earn my food or feel okay in my body. Exercise wasn’t joyful. It was compulsive. And just like my relationship with food, it needed healing. In today’s episode, we’re talking about exercise addiction and why true accountability in recovery isn’t about quitting workouts — it’s about tracking your mindset, not just your movem...