Goblet Of Wine: A Drunken British Harry Potter Podcast

It's us again! We're back with an episode that was pre-recorded before the entire country went into lockdown...yay. We're chatting about chapters 11-12 of Goblet of Fire, about how Charlie lives in a hole, ranting about British Geography and travel logistics (YOU CAN'T GET A TAXI FROM DEVON TO KINGS CROSS!!!), Draco's obsession with Harry, and the death troll. This episode also features a beautifu...

Sorry if you’re listening to this for a distraction from Corona Virus because we mention it within the FIRST FIVE SECONDS. Aside from our blissful naivety about COVID-19, we’re talking about Ron’s big...feet, JK Rowling’s questionable metaphors, how all Veela are lesbians, and most importantly - David Tennant’s tongue. We also have Tiktok now if you want to see us embarrass ourselves on there. &nb...

Hello and welcome back to your favourite way to make coronavirus self isolation EVEN WORSE! Today we’re drinking Irish coffees (because quidditch, duh) and chatting about one of our favourite chapters - THE QUIDDITCH WORLD CUP. We’re also rambling about Hannah’s mum splitting a fox, transphobia in the books, #justiceforalibashir, Krum’s pull out game, and doing lots of maths... Muggle Pants Video...

Welcome back to THE GAYEST CHAPTERS EVER! That’s right, today we’re reading chapters 5-6 of goblet of fire and discussing our latest Patreon goals, how the twins life is basically high school musical, how wizards need to stop going to Albania. We’re also answering a Patreon question about our favourite places in London! Listener Survey   www.gobletofwine.co.uk   patreon.com/gob...

We’re backkkk. This episode is dedicated to Hannah’s departed grandad Adrian…who has a shit taste in alcohol. We’re reading chapters 3 & 4 of Goblet of Fire and talking a LOT about fat phobia, bats, shrews, and the Weasley twins absolutely shite sense of humour. Listener Survey   www.gobletofwine.co.uk   patreon.com/gobletofwine    Twitter.com/gobletofwinepod &nbs...

Omg - BOOK FOUR. Who can believe it - me and Hannah read three whole books. In today's episode over a bottle of 'Kinky Pride' I get very passionate about how much I hate Harry and wish the books weren't written from his perspective. We also get peak British and oveshare stories about growing up in villages and scrumping apples and breaking into private land to revise for exams - I was a really bad...

It's time for the last episode of the season! We're talking about the Prisoner of Azkaban film and how it's emo, racist, has no plot and assassinates Hermione's character! Yay! We're also announcing which House has won the Patreon House Cup as well as the HeadHuman and Prefects for each house!  Listener Survey   www.gobletofwine.co.uk   patreon.com/gobletofwine    Twitter.com/gobletofwinepod    In...

We’re back and we’re FINALLY letting Neil speak about time travel! A lot! No seriously! Like a lot...a lot. If you don’t like time travel then I’m SO SORRY you’re going to hate this episode because we go into excruciating detail about open vs closed loop time travel, whether the time travel in Harry Potter works, and paradoxes. So buckle up! We also go on several spoilery rants about other franchi...

It’s time for a very special FESTIVE bonus episode! We’re getting into the Christmas spirit with a Christmas themed fan fiction writing challenge! We asked our Patreon’s to send us prompts for: character, location, object, and spell. We picked these at random and the only rule was we had 10 minutes to write a fan fiction mentioning all of the prompts, AND Christmas. Trash ensued. Enjoy and don’t f...

Hello! In today's episode we're drinking the most basic bitch of beers - Brewdog Punk IPA. Why are we being so basic you ask? Well, why else could it be - Neil is back! And by VERY popular demand (see, we DID read the listen survey responses!). This ep we read & discuss chapter 21 of PoA. "Only one chapter?!" I hear you all cry out in confusion - well, YES, we recorded for 3 hours, so now you...

Hey there, sooo...forgive us for the audio. We know. We don’t know what happened but for some reason there were some irreparable issues with the audio file for this episode, we’ve done a lot to improve it but particularly at the end it gets a little bit wild. It’s more than listenable however, so we hope you can forgive us. These things happen. But, ANYWAY! This episode we’re covering some EXTRA J...

Yo wassup. Today we have a very special episode as we're chatting with the one and only queen of the Harry Potter fandom - Melissa Anelli! We're drinking Scotch and reading chapters 17 and 18 of Prisoner of Azkaban, which ends up as mostly yelling. Seriously. Charlie yells about the terrible Werewolf/HIV metaphor, Melissa yells about Hermione being a flawed character, and EVERYONE yells about how...

Today’s episode goes out to our wonderful producer level Patreon Amanda, who made us drink the very questionable combination of red wine and coke, which turned Charlie a little weird. Blame Amanda. We’re chatting about chapters 15-16 of Prisoner of Azkaban, how you should always punch rich white men, the implications of cheering charms, Draco’s thighs, and most importantly: the dying art of crafti...

SURPRISE BONUS EP! If you can’t tell by the title of this episode (in which case you may be just as dyslexic as Charlie was when she wrote this) we’re back for another bonus episode of READING CHARLIE’S SHIT OLD FANFICTION. Yup. Kill me. This story follows the antics of Paige, aka the worlds biggest emo, and her love interest Draco. It starts slow, but OH BOY does it really go to shit. This episod...

It's time for another episode! This week we're joined by Kim from our favourite Harry Potter podcast - Fanatical Fics and Where To Find Them - a self proclaimed 'shitty Hufflepuff'. If you haven't listened to Fanatical Fics then you need to, like, go do that, now. They're our sister podcast and our American, fan-fiction obsessed counterpart. We chat about chapters 13 & 14 of POA, including the...

Guten tag! Today me and Hannah are potentially starting World War 3 over our misguided attempt to pay tribute to Germany. We're drinking some...interesting German booze called 'Jagdstolz' and eating some authentic German Haribo courtesy of our wonderful listener Fiona! We’re chatting about Hannah’s obsession with tea, what our Patronus memories would be, how you can wank away depression and…nugget...

Much like Harry when he was left on a doorstep in late October to freeze to death and have his frozen body punted across the lawn by the front door opening in the morning, the podcast is A YEAR OLD!!!! Wow, wasn’t that a tenuous segue? THAT’S RIGHT! It’s been a whole year since me and Hannah first put out our awful, drunken takes on Harry Potter for the world to listen to, and somehow so far no on...

Hannah has many talents. Unfortunately, as we discover in this episode, making cocktails is not one of them. Yep, that's right, in today's episode we're drinking homemade Butterbeer to celebrate the trio drinking Butterbeer for the first time in these chapters. Only it's two recipes that Hannah made up, and can only be described as if someone has cummed an egg into a beer. I don't recommend you re...

Ello ello ello. It’s time for another episode of Goblet of Wine. Today we’re spicing it up with special guest Sarah, aka Hannah’s “temporary-live-in-housemate” who since recording this episode has had a major life glow-up. We’re covering chapters 7 & 8 of Prisoner of Azkaban, chatting shit about chlamydia, covering snakes in lube, boggArts, and Hannah’s passion for wood. www.gobletofwine.co.uk...

'ello. Welcome back, why have you come back? Never mind, we're glad you have. We're breaking our format today and putting down the booze for once...but it's okay, we're already smashed. Instead we're drinking TEA! I can tell what you're thinking, "oh wow, these girls are really committing to the whole 'we're British' theme." Well, not quite (but also yes, had we mentioned that we're English?). No,...

Fresh off the back of the excitement about our new microphones we’re here with an episode that we had to record THREE TIMES because we’re too stupid to use them correctly. To make up for it, we did an instagram live and did several shots of Ouzo as punishment and to make sure we were drunk enough for the episode to still be funny...hopefully it worked? Honestly it’s mostly just chaos (go figure)....

NEW AUDIO NEW AUDIO NEW AUDIO! Sorry we're a little bit excited about our NEW MICROPHONES! Now you can hear how posh and annoying we are IN HD!!! We're also super excited to finally be on Prisoner of Azkaban, aka the book where shit starts to get real. Join us as we discuss wax play, owl orgies, and monster book of monsters bondage as part of our quest to make this the least family friendly Harry...

We're back and this week we're FOBBING YOU OFF WITH A BONUS EP! So me and Hannah have lives outside of the podcast (shock, I know) and unfortunately due to a combination of work trips, Draigcon, and Hannah selfishly gallivanting off on holiday, we haven’t managed to record and edit a real episode yet. BUT we thought it was the perfect time to take a little break between books and to share one of t...

I'm going to be completely honest with you, we're uploading this just after Draigcon and we're exhausted to a level where I've only had time to proof listen to about 20-30 minutes of this episode. We discuss the second film, Chamber of Secrets, whilst hungover, and probably make a variety of sarcastic comments and sexual innuendos. Hannah probably makes a bunch of really smart and insightful comme...

It's the end of Chamber of Secrets! This episode we're drinking cider as England is unusually sunny whilst record (and uploading!) this. Charlie for once has actually made plot notes and we're discussing the epic amount of foreshadowing in these chapters, horcruxes and finding out who Alexa's favourite Harry Potter character is!   www.gobletofwine.co.uk   patreon.com/gobletofwine &n...