G.I.A. Guild of Inept Adventurers

In a shocking turn of events, Jo finally takes the catherder’s chair and leads Ross, Mark, and Justin on a whisker-twitching breakfast adventure of cosmic proportions. There’s dark magic, mysterious leftovers, and a floating dog that really ties the basement together. Expect naps, questionable hygiene, and the eternal question: will they ever actually get fed? Bring your tea, stroke your pussies,...

Peace, love, and cosmic horror collide as Mark leads Justin, Ross, and Jo into the wild haze of Woodstock. The gang’s latest experiment in questionable chemistry goes horribly wrong, and they’ve got to recover their dodgy concoction before 400,000 festivalgoers meet a very noisy end. But beneath the music and mayhem, a darker rhythm stirs—something ancient and hungry, waiting to drop the ultimate...

Peace, love, and cosmic horror collide as Mark leads Justin, Ross, and Jo into the wild haze of Woodstock. The gang’s latest experiment in questionable chemistry goes horribly wrong, and they’ve got to recover their dodgy concoction before 400,000 festivalgoers meet a very noisy end. But beneath the music and mayhem, a darker rhythm stirs—something ancient and hungry, waiting to drop the ultimate...

The hunt for their lost tribe reaches its thrilling conclusion as the adventurers uncover the true evil behind the horrors of the land. Handsome Og flexes both muscle and bravado in a showdown with the final boss. Ten’ril calls upon the spirit of the boar with… surprising consequences. Meanwhile, Gadnar saves Tampon in heroic fashion before slipping into glorious madness. Will the tribe be saved,...

Mark guides Justin, Jo, and the ever-unpredictable Ross back to the Paleolithic era in this prehistoric Caveman Cthulhu one-shot. Two humans and a lone Neanderthal set out to find their missing hunters, but soon face savage creatures beyond anything their tribe has ever known. Justin steps up as leader, Jo discovers the strange powers of ancient goo, and Ross—true to form—covers himself in shit. W...

In this special one-shot of Call of Cthulhu, Mark takes the Keeper’s chair to lead Justin, Ross, and Jo into the sands of 1924 Egypt. An ancient tomb hides secrets and treasure beyond imagination—but also something far more deadly. Ross attempts to ignite the mummy’s groin, Jo clings to her candle for dear life, and Justin takes immersion to new heights with a loincloth made of beef jerky. Will th...

The quest for the Heart Stone takes a deadly turn. What looks like a treasure chest reveals itself as a ravenous mimic, forcing the adventurers into a desperate fight. Two hulking bugbears stand in their way, but worse still — the Heart Stone is guarded by an ancient undead warrior and a sorcerous ogre whose magic threatens to overwhelm the party. Will they escape the cave alive, and can Darvin’s...

Brad leads Sam, Ash, and Justin into the depths of a strange cave with their junky guides, Rashy and Smashy. Their quest: recover the fabled Heart Stone, said to cure petrification, and restore Darvin’s beloved dog, Fagina — named after his late wife — who now stands frozen in stone thanks to a Gorgon’s curse. Along the way, they stumble upon mind-warping blue fungus that throws the party into cha...

The Fellowship Phase begins! Mark guides Jo, Sam, Ross, and Justin through their very first downtime in Middle-earth. On the road to Bree, Jo takes charge of the company’s direction, Justin lifts spirits with a heartfelt travelling song, Sam scours the wilds for much-needed snacks, and Ross reforges his broken spear into a perilous dagger. Along the way, the party stumble into an unexpectedly deep...

The community service continues… poorly. Fleeing a red-eyed beast across the Brandywine, our heroes brave the Bucklebury Ferry with all the grace of a sack of wet turnips. From there it’s on to Crickhollow and into the Old Forest, where not one but two of the creatures make their presence felt. Thankfully, a certain yellow-booted woodland weirdo has a solution: singing. Along the way, Justin colli...

The gang’s back—and this time, they’re behind bars. After one too many shenanigans around the Shire, our four hobbits find themselves starting their adventure in a jail cell. But salvation comes in the form of community service from the Mayor himself. Their mission? Deliver a letter to Farmer Maggot. What follows is a wholesome(ish) jaunt through the countryside featuring second-hand bicycles, a m...

In this One Ring episode, Mark leads Justin, Sam, Ross and Jo on a chaotic adventure through the Shire in search of Bilbo’s lost fireworks. There are jacket potatoes, a dangerous amount of cheese, and a surprising romantic development for Lobelia. Paladin misplaces—and rediscovers—his todger, and the group ends the day with their very first orc kill. Glorious.

The Shire is full of secrets, and this time the G.I.A. are after a legendary relic! Lore Master Mark leads Justin, Ross, and Jo as they reprise their hobbit hijinks on a quest for the Bullroarer’s club. Expect hearty dinners, a flatulent rock troll with poor hygiene, and a mysterious search for a missing girl in the woods. Grab your walking sticks and your second breakfast—things are about to get...

In this special tale, Mark takes the reins as Loremaster, leading Sam, Justin, Ross, and Jo on a delightfully absurd adventure through the rolling hills of the Shire. Expect umbrella-riding, pint-guzzling, owl-chatting nonsense as the gang hunts down a misplaced Baggins family heirloom. There’s also a dog. And a sausage. We’ll leave the rest to your imagination. Unofficial, unsponsored, and undeni...

It’s the mid-season finale of G.I.A.’s piratical escapades! With the riddle resolved, the undead megalodon isn’t done with the crew just yet. After barely surviving, they sail into Port Royal, where a plot to extort the islanders surfaces. Teaming up with the ever-shifty Lootin’ Lucy, they hatch a scheme to swipe the mysterious blood crystals. But before the heist, there’s a tavern brawl to conten...

With Sam off having a baby, Justin takes the helm to lead Ross, Jo, Mark, and special guest George on a chaotic voyage through the dark Caribbean. After months lost at sea, the crew finally figure out how to level up—three times over. Along the way they befriend Sebastian the crab, stumble across cursed Incan treasure, and clash with the terrifying undead megalodon. But their greatest challenge mi...

In this episode of Pirate Borg, the crew finally put their explosive plan into action and assault the British fort at St. Augustine—only to watch their beloved vessel, The Sea Fox 2, get completely obliterated. But thanks to some timely tentacled intervention, the ship is reborn… as a haunted ghost ship! Now riding the seas in spectral style, the crew sets sail for the Florida Keys. But when Capta...

In need of repairs and rum, the crew limps to a forgotten speck on the map—an island littered with bones and secrets best left buried. There they meet a blind, naked prophet with warnings on his lips and madness in his absent eyes. A statue of great and terrible power falls into Kate’s hands, granting her dark gifts and darker intentions. With their ship patched and their bloodlust unquenched, the...

The cannon smoke clears as the Battle of Belize reaches its explosive finale. The crew face impossible odds—outnumbered, outgunned, and on the brink of ruin. Will they cut their losses and flee… or stand their ground and fight to the bloody end? Just when all hope seems lost, an unexpected ally returns from the deep to turn the tide. Steel your nerves—this one’s all teeth and powder.

War breaks out as the crew lead the Spanish fleet into battle against the British forces in Belize. Cannons roar, alliances crack, and the Sea Fox 2 takes a pounding. Will she survive the onslaught, or sink to a watery grave?

The Sea Fox 2 sails straight into a siren’s trap, but Ivor thinks seduction is the answer. Spoiler: it’s not. After arriving in Cancun, the crew face foul-mouthed macaws, drunken monkeys, deadly puzzles, and Ivor surfs a dire crocodile. It’s a wild one, mateys.

The G.I.A. give their beloved ship a glow-up, transforming The Sea Fox 2 into a floating powerhouse of doom. A street scuffle with a pickpocket leads to Ivor showing off his cardio — but is she thief or future crewmate? Oh, and then there’s the small matter of maybe leading the entire Spanish fleet. No pressure.

Torture. Sacrifice. Masturbation. Just another day for the G.I.A. in Pirate Borg. But when a daring rescue mission kicks off, the question isn’t whether they’ll succeed — it’s whether there’s anything left of their souls to save.

The G.I.A. set sail in Pirate Borg! After rescuing Governor Shepherd from Nassau, our salty crew arrive in the Grand Bahamas. Captain Jiminy (Mark) immediately starts eyeing up the governor’s wife, Ivor (Ross) waxes lyrical about vampiric chickens, Shelley (Sam O) steals some bread rolls (priorities), and Kate (Jo), well… she crackles some balls with dark arcane flair. Then they sell stuff. It’s c...

The party finally arrive in Woodland Hall, but their rest is short-lived. The mystery deepens with the broken axe head, and questions mount. Haldir eyes up a treehouse property, Bungo can’t resist tavern temptations, and The Lonely bangs a gong. Is this the end of the road or just the beginning of something far more dangerous?