G.I.A. Guild of Inept Adventurers

The party leave the shadow of Mirkwood, but not before picking up a new companion. Ash finally joins Justin, Brad, and GM Dan as they encounter bears, bars, and bowls. Bungo attempts to charm the tavern keeper’s wife, The Lonely can’t catch a wink of sleep, and Haldir begins to question all of his life choices.

The excitement is off the charts this week as the G.I.A. reads runes, looks into a well, and drinks water. That’s it. That’s the adventure. Honestly, we’ve never been more hydrated or confused. But in true G.I.A. style, we still manage to make a mess of it.

The skies darken, the rain pours, and the G.I.A. stumble across a crumbling hut belonging to a foul-smelling hermit with a talent for madness and mysterious scribbles. Before we can leg it, he gives The Lonely a cryptic item of unknown power. Lurch the dog earns hero status by giving the old man a much-needed tongue bath. It’s grim. It’s weird. It’s very us.

Still deep in Mirkwood and now slightly singed, our heroes flee a swarm of angry spiders with all the grace of a collapsing cart. Bungo attempts to ride The Lonely’s massive hound, Lurch (unsuccessfully), and the forest is left a little more on fire than before. Just when things can’t get weirder, we stumble upon some elves throwing an actual forest rave. Yep, that’s our kind of rescue.

Our journey through Mirkwood continues, and the incompetence deepens. Baldor nips off for a woodland wee and promptly forgets who we are, legging it into the forest like a man possessed. Bungo encourages underage pipe-smoking (classic hobbit mischief), and things spiral further when Baldor gets nabbed by spiders. Our daring rescue ends in disaster, echoing Only Fools and Horses — just swap the cha...

Join the Guild of Inept Adventurers as we chomp pizza and delve into Adventures in Middle-earth (5e style)! Dan wrangles the chaos as our DM, while Brad (Bungo the hobbit), Justin (The Lonely, a gruff woodsman of Mirkwood), and Sam (Aidan the ranger) set off through the ominous forest on guard duty for merchant Baldor Rivergold and his son, Belgo. The elves warned us to stay on the path. Will we l...

In the thrilling conclusion, the party solves the goblin riddle and confronts the powerful Blackthorn Witch. Dan finally hits something. Justin loses his gnome over the neighbour’s fence. Ash heroically rescues the missing maidens. Victory tastes sweeter when it’s undeserved.

The combat continues in the crumbling ruins. Dan fails to open a chest. Justin swings a goblin on a rope. And Ash closes a door. Oh, and the gang get given a goblin riddle to solve. Just another day for the Guild of Inept Adventurers.

Brad takes the reins as DM while Justin, Dan, and Ash bumble their way through the town of Monpoint, where three daughters—future heirs to a powerful matriarchal line—have mysteriously vanished. The G.I.A. leaps into action: Justin yanks off a goblin (for reasons unknown), Ash ties a knot with surprising skill, and Dan heroically fails to hit a single thing. A ruined castle, a magical villain, and...