Geek Accident

essentially being a dancing monkey on the super weird planet Sakaar, Thor must highjack an orgy plane in order return to Asgard and stop/cause Ragnarök, the destruction of his world, at the hands of the powerful and ruthless and quite sexy villain Hela. Meik guest stars.

Shannon's a nerd. Locke stirs the pot. Sun gets a medical degree. Charlie gas lights Claire. Jack throws hands. Sawyer keeps being Sawyer.

after texting while driving, an unbearably egotistical neurosurgeon goes on a wacky, tea induced journey of physical and spiritual healing, eventually making Wong laugh and calling it a win. also, he's a wizard.

Charlie blames someone else. Locke is a rehab. Jack gets buried alive. Liam steals the show. Sayid gets knocked the fuck out.

after a wildly incorrect passage of time, an annoingly evil Peter Parker tries to stop Adrian 'The Vulture' Toomes from lovingly providing for his family by selling weapons made with advanced Chitauri technology while trying to balance his life as an ordinary high school student...and not doing very well with that.

T'Challa, heir to the hidden but advanced kingdom of Wakanda, must step forward to lead his people into a new future and must confront a challenger from his country's past. rest in peace, Chadwick. Wakanda Forever.

Jimmy Kimmel's a piece of shit. Oppenheimer explodes. no one speaks english. people bat 1000. Ryan Gosling is sex. Spider-Man gets the shaft. Emma Stone sobs. celebrities do celebrity things. Jimmy Kimmel is, and i cannot stress this enough, a walking piece of shit stained garbage.

in one of the most poorly timed releases in cinematic history, Natasha Romanoff confronts the darker parts of her ledger (the ones that we're not invested in because of how they're introduced) when a dangerous conspiracy with ties to her past (that we again don't care about) arises. we both wish this movie was better, but we got what we got, so whatever. happy valentines day.

once again we learn that government over reach is always a fucking disaster (soapbox) when political involvement in the Avengers' world saving shenanigans causes a rift between Captain America and Iron Man, and Cap is so distraught that he buries Peggy and makes out with her granddaughter like an absolute boss. after all, that's the dream. Nick Fury is nowhere to be found. happy birthday,...

Armed with an upgraded and clunky looking scuba suit with the astonishing ability to shrink in scale but increase in strength, ya know...like an ant, cat burglar/pussy Scott Lang must embrace his inner hero and help his mentor (if you can call him that), Dr. Hank Pym, pull off a plan that will save the world. and then totally bone the love of his life (can you call her that?), Hope van Dyne.

When a group of mercenaries with lame-ass code names attack the estate of a very gorgeous, very feisty, very sexy and insanely doable Beverly D'Angelo (and the rest of her family or whatever), Santa Claus must slap on a man bun, rock the dad bod, and step in to save Christmas, making all the ladies kweamy along the way. see you in 2024, suckahfish!

When a man inadvertently makes Santa fall off his roof (therefore brutally killing him and dissolving his presumed wife) on Christmas Eve, he finds himself magically recruited to take his place because he literally didn't read the fine print.

Locke is a pretentious douche, Kate has C titties, Charlie whines a lot, Jack is an ass man, Jin gets a new bracelet.

Jack Skellington, king of Halloween Town and owner of wiry limbs, discovers Christmas Town, which isn't St Paddy's town, but should have been, but his attempts to copy someone else's shit brings Christmas to a halt but eventually leads to snowy kiss on top of the swirly hill so I guess we can just ignore the United States' eagerness to blow whatever they don't understand straig...

Jack goes crazy. Boone throws a tantrum. Locke reveals what he stores in his ass. Joanna dies. the Blue Shirt Lady returns right on cue.

When a murderous eight-year-old troublemaker with a lust for blood and death is mistakenly left home alone by his awful parents, he seizes the opportunity to defend his home in the most violently gruesome way possible against a pair of idiot burglars who have decidedly obscure but fitting backstories.

A fucking unexpectedly hunky Chicago advertising man must make every fucking bad decision possible as he travels home from fucking New York for fucking Thanksgiving, alongside a fucking lovable oaf of a shower-fucking-curtain-ring salesman as his only fucking companion.

in a movie that definitely doesn't begin with someone jackin it in a crucifixal manner, a young girl (who inevitably ages like a fine wine), is possessed by a mysterious entity manifesting itself by making a whoopsy on the living room rug, causing her mother to seek the help of two Catholic priests, a Rabbi, a lawyer and an Irish magician who have all walked into a bar to save her life. then a...

After swapping bodies with a deranged serial killer because a mystical knife deemed it so, a meek and timid high-school senior discovers that she has fewer than 24 hours before the change becomes permanent, because that's a convenient plot device. but what do you expect? you can't have a fucken week long curse. especially not on a friday the 13th...becuase those only last a day.

Rebecca goes on another rant that we tried to avoid, but you just can't stop her. in all honesty, it sounds like something you gotta do. i know i gotta. she paints such a picture, doesn't she?

A brother and sister with super awkward sexual chemistry are driving home through isolated countryside for spring break and encounter a flesh-eating creature, that may or may not guzzle cock and balls, which is in the midst of its ritualistic eating spree.

Five interwoven stories that occur on Halloween: an everyday high school principal has a secret life as a serial killer; a college virgin might have just met the guy for her; a group of teenagers pull a mean prank; a woman who loathes the night has to contend with her holiday-obsessed husband; and a mean old man meets his match with a demonic, supernatural trick-or-treater. and this is too wordy e...

A family's home is haunted by a host of demonic ghosts but also a cervix and the wee little lady says go into the light, then don't go into the light, then do go, then the light's bad, then it's good, and NOBODY STACKS CHAIRS LIKE THIS!!!

An afterlife therapist, who doesn't buy his own bullshit, and his daughter, who gets rudely voluntold to host a party, meet a friendly young quasi-perverted ghost when they move into a crumbling mansion in order to rid the premises of wicked spirits of undiscernable age.

When the survivors run out of food, Locke, Kate, and Michael go out hunting for boar. Michael gets injured, so he and Kate go back. But Locke stays out hunting, and ends up running into the creature living in the jungle. Locke is a pervert. Jack goes crazy. Michael & Walt suck. Sun hides her titties.