Geek Accident

A former professional wrestler turned wannabe actor is hired to be the bodyguard/nanny for a couple of bratty (insanely shitty) kids whose inventor father is being stalked by a guy with a biodome on his noggin. seriously brother, Hogan should be dead, brother. goddamn these kids are vicious, brother.

Jack and Hurley discover an alarming secret about Kate, while the marshal's life hangs in the balance. Kate is too good at lying. Chubbs has a hand twin. Sawyer's best comeback is "nice stick."

After a bitter divorce, an actor disguises himself as a female housekeeper to spend time with his children held in custody by his former wife.* *movie synopsis left unbutchered out of respect to Robin Williams

The survivors of a plane crash are forced to work together in order to survive on a seemingly deserted tropical island. Sawyer shoots a bear. Maggie proves useful for once in her life. Jack takes care of the yellow eye demon.

Five thieving, conniving little bastards are inexplicably left alone all summer when their emotionally absent mom becomes physically absent and leaves town. when the evil babysitter bites the dust, the eldest daughter finally learns what it means to be a mom of four thieving, conniving little bastards.

Forty-eight survivors of an airline flight originating from Australia, bound for the U.S., which crash-lands onto an unknown island 1000 miles off course, struggle to figure out a way to survive while trying to find a way to be rescued. Cindy eye-fucks Jack, Jack flirts for booze, Charlie makes shoe drugs look cool.

A babysitter must battle her way through quite literally the most random assortment of chaos after being stranded there with the kids she's looking after because something about a flat tire and a jazz lounge? the movie's kind of all over the place. it's a lot of fun.

A desert warrior rises up, in a totally different way than was previously explained in the Mummy, against the evil army led by some dude with an untraceable accent that is destroying his homeland. He captures the enemy's key sorcerer, who sort of goes along willingly and is also a witch of some kind(?), takes her deep into the desert, she takes him deep into her, and they prepare for a final s...

In the Far East of a cheap universal studios backlot, Alex O'Connell, a Brad Pitt wannabe with Dean Winters' speech pattern, and son of famed mummy fighters Rick and Evy (not Rachel Wives) O'Connell, unearths the mummy of the first Emperor of Qin -- a shape-shifting entity cursed by a witch centuries ago. so he probably knows Edward and Jacob.

in a classic case of Hollywood doing the same thing but different, the mummified body of Imhotep is shipped to a museum in London (different), where he once again wakes (same) and begins his campaign of rage and terror, culminating with the absolute WORST cgi you've ever seen in your life. like...holy shit, it's bad. flash animation would look better.

At an archaeological dig in the ancient city of Hamunaptra (which Robbie learned was a fake place), a handsome and smoldering hunk of America personified who serves in the French Foreign Legion accidentally awakens a mummy who begins to wreak havoc as he unleashes a horde of creepy crawly, flesh burrowing beetles and searches for the reincarnation of his long-lost love who was totally hot, and the...

an understandably toon-hating and incredibly drunk detective with a new york accent who resides in california (where the public transportation is NOT the best in the world) is a cartoon rabbit's only hope prove his innocence when he is accused of murdering his rude, deviant, childlike father figure and reunite with his inexplicably hot wife . you guys wanna know a secret? she's a drawring,...

When Stan, Kyle, Cartman and Kenny sneak into an R-rated movie, they start cursing and their parents think that Canada is to blame, so they ignore the well-being of their seed and never take responsibility for their own actions because that's scary and someone else is always at fault. parents are dumb, and they don't get it, and they're stupid.

What happens next again the second time after the first time with Frylock, Meatwad and Master Shake, who consider themselves crime fighters, but the truth is they never fight crime because who wants the world saved by a walking happy meal? unless you can eat them after they've saved the...oh wait. spoilers, i guess.

An anti-climactic action epic that explores the origins of Master Shake, Frylock, and Meatwad, better known as the Aqua Teen Hunger Force, who unwittingly and stupidly become pitted in an anti-climactic battle over an immortal piece of exercise equipment that plays an absolute banger of a song on a repeat. an appropriate movie for our 69th episode.

After Homer pollutes the town's water supply with literal pig shit because he just HAD to get some donuts, Springfield is encased in a gigantic dome, probably visible from space like the Truman Show dome, by the EPA and the Simpsons are (rightfully) declared fugitives. but to be fair, the EPA should also be fugitives because they trapped an ENTIRE FUCKING TOWN IN AN IMPENETRABLE BUBBLE WITH NO...

When a super fucken deep sinkhole in front of Bob's Burgers threatens the Belchers' plans for both a successful summer and basic survival, Bob and Linda try to keep their business going, while the kids attempt to save the restaurant by solving a mystery because of course they do because they're good for nothing and even though they're kids, they seem to have the wherewithal to unde...

Danny Ocean, who, like, hasn't aged a day since the first heist which leads me to believe that being a professional thief isn't stressful at all, rounds up the boys for a third heist after casino owner and all around douche canoe Willy Bank double-crosses one of the original eleven, Reuben Tishkoff. let this be a lesson to you kids. don't ever change who you are in order to fit in. it&...

Daniel Ocean recruits one more team member so he can pull off three major European heists in this sequel to Ocean's Eleven, even though it remains thoroughly unclear who the 12th person is. is it Roman? is it Linus' mom? is it Julia Roberts? is it Rubeus Hagrid after a shit, shower and shave?! WHO IS IT?! TELL ME!!!

Danny Ocean and his ten accomplices plan to rob three Las Vegas casinos simultaneously, even though, if you look at the actual schematics of real world Las Vegas, it's borderline impossible to do that. it's just not feasible. if the Bellagio, the Mirage and the MGM Grand share one underground safe, then no other owner of multiple casinos could share underground space between them. i guess,...

A year after knowing what a group of dumbass teenagers did last summer, a dumbass serial killer kinda stalks and kills them, but there's really no point or rhyme or reson as to who does what? i dunno. it's funny. but not really. but the drinks are worth it.

Sidney's been hidden away, but when her stupid friends willingly invite more chaos into their lives by either visiting the set, or being directly involved with the production of Stab 3, the third film capitalizing on the Woodsboro murders, another Ghostface killer rises to terrorize them, and you can kinda see that they had an idea of how to close it all out, but it never really materialized i...

Two years after the first series of murders, but only one year since the first movie came out, Sidney acclimates to college life and the unwanted spotlight as some unimaginative copycat asshole dons the Ghostface costume, beginning a new string of slightly more disturbing killings.

By sheer coincidence, it's been a year since the murder of her mother. Sydney Prescott is terrorized by her masked boyfriend and his possible lover, targeting her and her friends by using scary movies as part of a deadly and awesome killing spree. Only 7 people die. Including the killers. So...five people. Which, in hindsight isn't a lot.

In a movie where Derek Jeter only appears for 28 seconds yet somehow got third billing, two mismatched New York City detectives basically steal the opportunity to act like like the city's top cops, who inexplicably jump from a rooftop, "aiming for the bushes" except there are no bushes, except things (obviously) don't quite go as planned, because it's a Will Ferrell comedy, d...