Geek Accident

Charlie has a terrible poker face. Claire sets boundaries. Eko converts. Yemi solves the mystery. Michael cybers. Sun & Jin are too nice to Ana Lucia who suuuuuuuuuucks. Sawyer visits Seville. Jack tries and fails to be comforting.

Four reanimated corpses are easily tricked by a professor into visiting a haunted house for what started as a school project, but that plot is quickly abandoned, and no one mentioned it after that particular scene.

Kate commits arson. Sawyer's clueless. Michael is unsupervised. Jack is a logger. Eko is a prophet. Jin is set free. Ana Lucia barely shows up, but she still suuuuuuuuuucks.

Another fucking killer follows survivors (and people we have no emotional connection to) of the Ghostface murders to New York City, and this movie's quite unnecessary.

Sayid loves bondage. Rose & Bernard go interracial. Sun & Jin remember love. Michael grows some balls. Libby is a therapist. Season 2 is essentially over. Ana Lucia has a point, but she still suuuuuuuuuuucks.

yet another copycat killer dons the same fucking mask and begins killing a random ass group of teenagers to resurrect secrets for no real reason other than to make another movie.

Bernard climbs trees. Libby kills a man five days later. Eko loses his voice. Boone pleads for help. Goodwin is a kabob. the Tailies play chicken. Cindy enjoys korean. Ana Lucia cries like a baby because she suuuuuuuuuucks. happy mother's day!

Sidney Prescott's return to Woodsboro coincides with that of the Ghostface Killer, and honestly...how did no one see that coming? she's essentially the harbinger of masked death. seriously. i'm shocked she's not banned from the city or at the very least shunned as a pariah.

Shannon is disowned. Sayid's packin' heat. Eko does all the heavy lifting. Boone isn't dead. Cindy's on a milk carton. Charlie's not the father. Rose hates convenience. Sawyer doesn't make it. Ana Lucia fucks it all up because she suuuuuuuuuucks.

Deadpool is abducted on his birthday and nore or less told by the TVA to join the MCU or die. but instead he goes wild card and recruits the worst possible version of Hugh Jackman to save his universe from bein' Ol' Yellered. happy birthday, mom!

Sun is visited be three spirits. Jack has all the answers. Hurley feeds his dog. Jin drinks the water. Michael plays marco polo. Kate solves everything. Locke is a douche again. Libby makes an appearance. Ana Lucia suuuuuuuuuuuucks.

In a movie we didn't really notice, mutants are nearly extinct. an elderly and weary and over dramatic Logan leads a quiet yet somehow violent life, But when Laura, a screeching mutant nightmare is pursued by the pieces of shit that experimented on children comes to him for help, he must literally die to get her to safety.

Kate practices hygiene. Charlie's a brat. Sun buries the evidence. Sawyer likes water sports. Bernard ties the season together. Hurley collects a W2. Locke spills the beans. Ana Lucia suuuuuuuucks. happy Easter.

potty mouthed mutant mercenary and runner up in the gabagool lookalike contest, Wade Wilson assembles a team of fellow mutant rogues for about 5 minutes to protect a prepubescent New Zealand psychopath from the brutal, time-traveling cyborg stepson of Barbara Streisand.

Locke cries for 20 minutes. Hurley's hopes are immediately crushed. Kate skips a shower. Sawyer gets beat up by a girl. Jin bows with misplaced respect. Sayid works his magic. Helen doesn't handle it well. Desmond flees the scene of the crime. Jack overreacts. Ana Lucia sucks.

in an effort to combat four types what i can only assume is stage 4 everything, a wisecracking mercenary submits himself to shady experiments conducted in an abandoned Costco becomes immortal yet kwispy and kweamy at the same time, and sets out to track down the dish soap who ruined his pretty boy face.

Desmond does standup. Kate fucks a chocolate bar. Jack is in episode 1. Michael is John Wick. Sawyer knows pain. Charlie and Claire show up. the Virgin Mary smuggles drugs. Locke stands firm. none of this happens in Japan.

after avenging a non-Japanese bear who probably shits in the woods, Wolverine is willingly kidnapped by a Japanese punk-rocker and taken to Japan to meet a dying Japanese guy whose life he saved years ago in Japan. upon arriving in Japan he gets embroiled in a Japanese conspiracy involving yakuza and mutants and kimonos and Japanese sex hotels and extreme high diving in Japan. in Japan, Famke Jann...

Vincent's a bad boy. Locke gets kidnapped. Shannon hallucinates. Kate's in the second episode. Walt's on the island but also not. Hurley's not* crazy. Jack remembers. Desmond's put on a few. no one on the raft was ever heard from again...

The early years of Jimmy Logan, featuring his rivalry with his brother Cotton Weary, more mutants than necessary for a solo film, the absolute worst iteration of Deadpool, adamantium boners and some fun with mouths.

IT'S THE SEASON 1 FINALE, SUCKAHFISH!! Claire is a Jonas brother. Sayid sets Charlie on fire. Arzt goes boom. Kate wins fair and square. Shannon adopts and doesn't shop. Sawyer reads a diary. Sun is hooked on phonics. Rousseau steals an infant. Aaron gets a name. Locke wants to be eaten. Jack hates Destiny's Child. Scott is Steve. Steve is Scott.

Kate doesn't listen to Bruce Springsteen. Tom makes a bad decision. Sawyer exposes. Shannon's not there. Charlie acts tough. Claire holds the baby. the hatch gets popular. Walt is weird. Jack doesn't understand the idea of worst case scenario. Sun hires Kate to poison Jin who's also Michael.

Two burn out childhood friends are anti-dockers and also pro-athletes of a national sport called BASEketball, a hybrid of baseball and basketball and extreme laziness, and they must deal with a greedy businessman scheming against their team and the whole league, because of course it's that easy to do, cock, beer?

Jack brawls at a funeral. Sawyer does asmr. Shannon goes on a rampage. Hurley feels good. Kate roofies a man. Locke fibs some more. Michael knows korean. Claire is fussy. Sayid has a fireside chat. Kurt Cobain guest stars.

An incredibly shitty minor-league baseball team bursting with diverse personalities who have to dig deep and realize their talent was there along gets a new manager: a guy who's just trying to make the leap back home.