From Surviving to Thriving: A No Tools, No Techniques Shift from Stress and Overwhelm to Fulfilment

Have you noticed where your thoughts tend to flow? Probably down the same tracks they have always flowed down a bit like the way streams flow down a mountain to a river. The water goes where it has always gone. We have furrows like that in our old, habitual, conditioned thoughts but what is useful to know is that THEY ARE NOT TRUE! Just because they turn up in your head, they are not valid. It's j...

I know that might sometimes seem hard to believe that you are okay but I guess it depends what you view as being okay. It is okay to cry, to have negative thoughts and to feel anxious. I could go on and on and on. When I talk to clients, I see this all the time. They often have an unreasonable expectation of themselves, an idea that they are different to everyone else and the concept that they sho...

Are you in touch with your internal weather system right now? Is it stormy, sunny or maybe a little cloudy? It is good to be aware because there is information in that weather. It's an update to let you know how your thinking is. But this metaphor goes on. It is a beautiful description of human experience. Just like countries of the world we all have our own unique weather system and just like the...

Have you noticed what happens when you stop blowing air into a balloon? Silly question I know but bear with me. Let's imagine a scenario! You have a number of balloons you are trying to blow up at once with a canister of helium. You start blowing up balloon #1 so it starts to inflate and rise but then you move on to balloon #2 and start pumping the helium into it. Balloon #1 goes down and sinks an...

I remember the first time I became aware of being afraid of being afraid. It was many years ago when I first started helping people with fear. A woman I was working with was afraid of flying. She spoke of the fear of the fear arriving. That when it came she wouldn't be able to handle it would look stupid and wouldn't be able to go on holiday. So over the weeks running up to any holiday, the pressu...

Can life work within more than one paradigm? In other words, can there be more than one model of how something works that is true? The set of psychological principles I share is often called the Inside Out paradigm. It says that our experience is created from the inside out. That when we feel something, the feeling is coming from how we think about something not from the thing itself. This applies...

Have you ever contemplated how much you have learned in life? When I think about that, it feels like thinking about the size of the universe; impossible to conceive of the size of it. You definitely learnt some things which have served you well through life. Some practical things like gravity always makes things fall, things to keep you safe like fire burns and useful things like how to walk and t...

How much time do you spend thinking about your thinking was a question I asked recently on social media. The result showed that 67% of respondents spend more than 50% of their time think about their thinking. I can so relate to this because I spent a lot of time doing this. It seems that it is encouraged by self-development, therapy and even by coaches. Perhaps the idea is that once we have though...

Are you perfect? I know I am not! I make mistakes and mess up because I am human. My mistakes might look different to yours and my judgement might make yours look worse than mine in my head. But sometimes my judgement makes my mistakes looks worse than yours. Either way in our heads is the only place they are worse. In reality they are all the same because they are all human. Human beings doing th...

"How do you know who you are?", is a really interesting question to think about. It's a consideration of what we think defines us. Perhaps we might think it is our behaviour, thoughts or feelings. The meaning we make of this can create so much suffering and who we really are gets so easily missed. Because the entity being defined is made of the same thinking as the one doing the defining. So then...

"Is this true?" is such a powerful question. When you are caught up and feeling stressed can you become aware of your thoughts. You don't need to judge them as right or wrong - that's not helpful. But noticing is different, awareness is powerful and consciousness helps. Because is what you are thinking really true? On a fundamental level is it a fact? When you consider human life, how much is actu...

How do we measure how we are feeling? Maybe in comparison to a previous state, by looking at other people or through an ideal that we have created for ourselves. I was considering this yesterday with a client. He believed he wasn't where he should be in terms of his reaction to something which was happening in his life and the question occurred to me, 'How do you know?'. I wanted him to explore ho...

Have you ever tried to love yourself? It seems to be well thought of advice. In fact I nearly branded myself as a Self-Love Coach a few years ago. At that time, it seemed that it was a valid part of self-development but I think very differently now. When I consider, 'You just need to learn to love yourself' I see something new. I wonder who is the 'you' who is going to love 'yourself'. Are they no...

Do you think humans can be psychologically broken? If you do, you are not alone because this is a psychological belief which is widely held. The idea that we are missing pieces; stolen away by our previous experience of life. Things like confidence, resilience and calm. But how about a psychological renaissance? A new way of seeing ourselves: the human race not based on lack. Here it is ... We are...

Have you noticed that other people don't respond the way you think they will? Twice in the last few days I have communicated something which has been seen differently to how I intended it. This has so much information in it because it points to what is true about human beings. They are all unique, different and have their own perspective. It's not that one is right and one is wrong. They really ar...

Do you appreciate a good cry? A swell of emotion which rises up and bubbles over which can come from happy thoughts or sad ones. Sometimes I experience it when there is a deep connection with a client and I have even cried during lives on social media. I used to care about what other people thought about it but these days I literally don't give two hoots. I wonder if you have noticed how you feel...

How good do you think you are at reading people? I remember being taught once that reading people was part of the job of a coach. Checking eye movements, facial expressions and body language. But then I began to wonder about when we learn to read people and I thought about my primary teaching days. Characters in children's reading scheme books would have very distinct expressions and in the text w...

How much do you use the word 'should'? This should be like that, I should be better or this shouldn't be happening. Have you noticed how it feels? Pretty off I think. It feels off because should is an alarm call letting you know that your thinking is off. Because off thinking creates an off feelings. What you are feeling is your resistance to what is. You are not feeling the thing itself. There is...

Are you using the same old moves when life gets tricky? Perhaps this is something you have noticed or maybe not because we humans are pretty habitual creatures. We have things we turn to in our hour of need. It might be a drink to relieve stress or even a bar of chocolate, loosing your temper and scolding a loved one or even meditating and trying to control your state of mind. You might categorise...

Are you working with an understanding of the rules of human experience because life is so much easier when you do? Let's take gravity as an example. Imagine you didn’t understand how it worked. You would spend time trying to find new ways to keep on top of all the cleaning up of broken things. You might pad out your home so things were less likely to break. You also might have a system to quickly...

"When do we start learning all this self-development stuff?", was a brilliant question I was asked by a client recently. As adults, I think we usually come across self-development by accident. Perhaps because we are struggling, starting a business or by stumbling across, 'The Secret'. But I think it starts way before that. When we are very small, we start to learn that thoughts, emotions and behav...

What seems really important to you right now? Perhaps things turning out a certain way, maybe someone behaving differently or wanting to feel a different way. I was considering what happens when we give something importance. I think we give it an extra dose of energy and awareness and  elevate that thing above the rest of life. Like overfilling a balloon full with air, it gets bigger and bigger un...

Do you believe what you think about yourself? You know! That little voice inside your head which says all sorts of unhelpful things! Things like you can't do that, you are going to look stupid or people are watching and judging. But have you noticed how often that voice is wrong. You do the thing it said you couldn't over and over again! That's because that voice knows absolutely nothing about you...

Will you be seeking fulfilment in 2022? In other words, will you be seeking 'the achievement of something desired, promised, or predicted'? It seems we all are in some way, shape or form. Perhaps it is human to do so. But when I reflect on the words in that definition, it is easy to see the rabbit holes down which seeking fulfilment could take us. Desires can be fun if held lightly but if it looks...

What is your relationship with the voice in your head? Perhaps this question will help you consider that because you probably haven't thought about it before. I know I hadn't until recently. I guess that was because I thought it was the voice of truth! I didn't question it! I guess at that stage I was utterly dictated to by it! I believed what it said, I did what it instructed and I argued its cor...