From Surviving to Thriving: A No Tools, No Techniques Shift from Stress and Overwhelm to Fulfilment

There are more similarities than differences between us. I know that is very hard to see that sometimes but there are some fundamental things which are true for every single one of us. That we are connected to each other. No matter whether you talk quantum physics or spiritual energy, we are connected. To each other and to every other living thing in the universe. We are conscious, aware beings. S...

I spent a long time teaching people to add in order to feel okay. Adding affirmations, meditation and gratitude practices. Adding knowledge from self-development gurus. Adding podcasts, audio books and courses. I encourage others  to see themselves as broken and needing fixing. Like there was something missing which needed putting back in from the outside.  I didn't see what I see now. That we are...

My journey to calm really started in January 2020 but before that I thought I was on it. For a long I thought the journey to calm was about meditation, yoga and affirmations. I experienced calm but it was hard work and I thought I had to keep doing all those things to be okay. My journey to calm since 2020 has been so different. Rather than a process of adding, it has been a process of subtracting...

Trying to control our feelings is like trying to fix a system which is not broken. A system which was created perfectly to support you in life. A much misunderstood system. You see, your feelings only have one piece of information in them; they are telling you about your state of mind. They are a perfect warning system. Like a tap on the shoulder from your amazing system to say, 'Hey you! Your thi...

We all have preference. That is pretty human. But have you noticed how some circumstances don't seem to be preferences. But there are some things in life which don't seem to be preferences. They seem to be necessary in order for us to feel okay. Past examples of this for me were other people's behaviour, my career status, my success on Tinder and how much stuff I owned. When I thought my experienc...

Noticing is one of the most powerful ways we can change but it is a particular kind of noticing. It comes from a place of understanding how the system works. Knowing the connection between thoughts, feelings and behaviour. It comes from knowing a fact that when we feel an emotion in the body, that is an update telling us about our state of mind.  From that place, noticing is powerful. It brings up...

I spent a long time being right and goodness did I get riled up about it. It was my way or the highway! I would get angry and upset when someone didn't behave as I thought they should. I still sometimes do it now to be honest but a whole lot less than I used to.  You see I have had some realisations about the idea that I am right. Firstly knowing that the things I believe are just the things I lea...

Here are some things you might think are real which really are not! What you think someone else is thinking, thoughts about the future, the limiting beliefs you have about yourself, the things you think you are right about and your memories of the bad things which happened in the past to name but a few. You might be wondering why I am telling you this. Why I am telling you that a big chunk of what...

Work-life balance seems to be something we should pursue. The lack of it is blamed for all sorts of ills such as burnout, stress related illness and heart-attacks. But what does it actually mean to have work-life balance? But work-life balance is unique for each and every one of us; a concept created in thought. In other words having balance will look different depending on how you think about it....

We all have problems to solve and it seems there are lots of possible ways to do this but there are problems with these strategies. They are using our old, conditioned thinking to find a solution to a problem which has been created by the same old, conditioned thinking. Perhaps you have noticed that feeling when you are going round and round in circles and the same things keep coming up again and...

It took me a long time to see how my experience of my physical body was being created. I have had a few physical things over the last few years including adrenal fatigue, under active thyroid, the menopause and everything that brings, a frozen shoulder lasting a year (so far) and headaches caused by histamine intolerance. At first I couldn't accept that I wasn't experiencing my physical body just...

I used to meditate every single day. In fact, I didn't miss a day for about 4 years. I did it when I was on holiday, when I was busy and even when I wasn't feeling very well. You see, I was on a mission to make myself feel a certain way. I wanted to feel calmer, more motivated and better about myself. But it became an addiction because I reached the point where I didn't think I could be okay if I...

Thought control has had great PR over that last few years. I did a quick search for 'How to control your thinking', on Google and got 9,840,000,000 results! Ridiculous but I have probably tried a fair few of them because I tried for ages to control my thinking. I tried and tried but the negative thoughts still kept on turning up. It was exhausting and I felt like a failure. Why did other people se...

How many people do you need to change? Your parents, partner, children, friends. Who else is on the list? When we live in the outside in paradigm, it can look like there are some people who have to be different for us to be happy. But have you noticed the amount of work that involves and how overwhelming it can become? I didn't until it was too late and I burnt out. It can be helpful to see the la...

Do you often find yourself trying to understand things like the decisions of government, the behaviour of other people or the circumstances you find yourself in. I know that feeling well. It can seem like if I rack my brains long enough, the answer will emerge. It does seem to work doesn't it? I often conclude my little internal exploration with a self-satisfied sigh! That's the point at which I t...

Do you ever use the phrase, 'I was miles away'? As I walked up a narrow path a few days ago, there was a woman in front of me. She didn't hear me coming so I had to say, 'excuse me' to get past her. As I walked on by, she said, 'Sorry. I was miles away'. Hearing that phrase really made me think. Sometimes we are so caught up in our thinking that we have no idea we are miles away. Our thinking migh...

Have you ever considered what is real? In our world of form, there are clearly some things which exist. On my desk right now, there are all sorts of things. A mic, a phone, a laptop, a mug etc. I am not here to deny the existence of things but as you look out into the world and interact with it and the people in it, have you considered how much of what you experience is real. Let's take something...

How much time do you spend in the future? I put dates in my diary but other than that I spend little time in the future these days but that wasn't always the case. I used to be a virtually full time worrier. I would make up scenarios in my head and then try to reassure myself that it would be okay. It was exhausting but I know I am not the only one. Here's the challenge with the future and you mig...

How much time do you spend inside someone else's head? This came up more than once in coaching conversations yesterday but I think we all do it sometimes. We make up stories about what other people are thinking and try to interpret the looks on their faces. Sometimes we even do it when we received a message from someone. I did it this morning in a conversation about a chair (listen to the live to...

Are there some people you really don't get on with? We all have someone don't we? Someone who seems to rub us up the wrong way. We can feel the sensation often before they have even arrived in our space. There might be a clue in that! But have you also noticed when you really get on with someone. When the conversation flows and the time passes quickly. When there is presence and connection.  There...

'Don't swallow the storm', was a brilliant phrase I heard on a TV show I was watching over the weekend. I just love the beautiful guidance in this advice because that is what we do, isn't it. We take the things which are not going well in the world inside us then we add to them and make them more stormy. I don't know about you but I can rant and rave about all sorts and it doesn't feel very nice....

You are a diamond because everything you are seeking outside you is already there inside. Your resilience that meant you fell down and got up over and over whilst learning to walk. Your confidence which meant you were first on the dancefloor as a toddler. Your calm which meant you were once able to flow between emotional states without judgement. All those things are inside you still now! They hav...

Are you confused about calm? If you are I think you might not be the only one. In a networking meeting recently, I said I helped people to be calm and one of the other people in the zoom room said he did the opposite to me. Then he said that he helped people to be more excited, engaged and passionate. This isn't the first time I have heard this idea. That calm is the opposite to all sorts of other...

Are you any good at proof reading? I thought I had that licked but a few days ago, I invited some people to check out my membership space. One of my friends immediately sent back some edits. Silly spelling mistakes, missing letters and other things I just had not seen. This was despite a lot of checking prior to publication. Sometimes we just cannot see it can we? I thought this was a beautiful an...

What do you think is happening when you are not feeling okay? Do you think it is because the outside world is not okay, because other people are behaving badly or that there is something wrong with you? Looking for the source of your feelings can be a never ending search. I was seeking in that way for a long time and I looked in all those places. It was fruitless, exhausting and led to burnout! Yo...