Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Your village is out there, waiting for you. It might even be knocking on your door, and you haven’t realized.  People often think they need to make enormous shifts to find community; they need to move to a tiny village on the other side of the world or into a compound in the woods. But that’s not true. Here’s what you actually need: subtle shifts and a willingness to be uncomfortable.  So many peo...

The year 2024 feels like an absolute whirlwind. Where did the time go? Today’s episode was inspired by one of my podcast producers, Alison, who told me she loves episodes this time of year that take you behind the scenes, which feels good to me; I want to catch you up on what’s been going on. As you may know, I’ve been struggling with health issues this year, so much of what you’ve been listening...

I sobbed in the car about the holidays this week – but not for reasons you might think. Here’s what made me emotional: I am so grateful and excited for the ways we are celebrating our holidays this year. It could not be further from the reasons I’ve car sobbed in years past. Some of you are already excited about the holidays, and I love that for you. But that is not everyone’s experience, and for...

Traditions are incessant. They HAVE to keep happening. That’s what makes them traditions!  So how do you create traditions that stick around month after month, year after year? In my opinion, it’s all about sustainability. Traditions have to be something you can maintain on some level as life changes. Otherwise they fizzle out and aren’t traditions anymore. In this episode, I offer tips on how to...

If you’ve listened to this podcast before, then you know the concept of the chosen family is very important to me personally. Some people in my chosen family play a variety of roles. Some play just one. Some are back-ups; others are back-ups for my back-ups. Cumulatively, it all adds up: today I feel more supported than I ever have in my life. I’ve talked about chosen families in other episodes –...

A few years ago, Debra Driscoll was living in Brooklyn, navigating a long-distance relationship and a life split between the city and the sea. Then, in 2020, her world was turned upside down. Instead of seeing this as a setback, Debra took it as an opportunity to fast-forward her dreams and create something beautiful.  Now Debra is a spiritual teacher and energy guide who, from her home in Tobago,...

Many times on this podcast, I’ve talked about how powerful virtual connection can be, with the caveat: are you ACTUALLY engaging, or are you just lurking?  Today we dive into connection through podcasts and social media, emphasizing active over passive consumption. Our guest is Sharon Walters, a coach and author who has made it her mission to transform gratitude from a reaction to an action. In th...

I just got back from this wild, adventurous, 11-day road trip with my friend to see two Taylor Swift concerts on opposite sides of the country.  How did we make it happen? Partly, the stars aligned; partly, we’re privileged in that we’re self-employed, childless, and could afford it; but also, we just went for it. It was so fun and actually inspired a new goal: I want to go on a one-week girls tri...

In this episode, I pull back the curtain on one of my own formal communities: the Toastmasters. Today’s guest is Brendan Smith, a member of the Toastmasters chapter I was part of. Toastmasters is an international speaking club and educational organization, and for four years, Brendan and I met with the group every Thursday: sometimes online, sometimes in person; sometimes as presenters, sometimes...

This episode, about navigating friendship through chronic illness, is deeply personal to me. In last week’s episode, I shared about my own recent health issues, but I think this information is good to have no matter your situation. Chances are, chronic illness will impact somebody in your life in your lifetime. Today’s guest is Catherine, a business coach, founder of Catherine LifeDesign, and a su...

This whole podcast was only a dream a couple years ago, and here we are now with 100 episodes. Thank you for being here, for listening, and for sharing these conversations with your friends. In this episode, I share some life updates and talk intensely about the Wheel of Connection (view this visual diagram !), which is a foundational concept to my work. I give an overview about each of the catego...

Individualism is woven so deeply into the fabric of American culture that sometimes we don’t even notice it. But what if this cornerstone of our culture is costing us more than we realize? Today’s guest is James F. Richardson, a cultural anthropologist who spent two decades studying American society – which included living a more communal life in South India for three years. His new book, Our Wors...

Have you ever felt like you’re ALWAYS the one giving a shoulder to cry on – but don’t have one to cry on yourself? I think it’s a common issue among friends. Personally, I used to brag about how I’d drop everything to help a friend in need – but I eventually discovered it wasn’t sustainable, and my friends didn’t reciprocate in quite the same way. Today’s guest, Chrissy Marie, experienced similar...

Have you ever hesitated to set a boundary with a friend for fear of pushing them away?  Or, maybe you found yourself on the receiving end of unspoken expectations and left guessing what your friend truly needed.  Our friendships are some of the only relationships we have by choice – but sometimes that freedom can make us hesitate to trust. We’re subconsciously testing our friends, waiting for them...

Today I’m going to share my personal hot takes about friendship. If you’ve been listening to Friendship IRL for a while, you’ll recognize some of these ideas, but some thoughts are new, and some I haven’t presented as directly as I do today.  I was inspired by Danielle Bayard Jackson’s recent episode on the Friend Forward podcast, “ 6 Hot Takes on Female Friendships .” Here, I cover topics ranging...

Imagine you’ve made the move you’ve always dreamed of.  You live on the other side of the world and experience a new culture. It changes how you see your life – and almost imperceptibly, it changes you, too. When you return home, things are different among your friends. You don’t fit in the way you used to. Today’s guest, Linda Mueller, has lived this challenge firsthand through seven internationa...

If you’ve ever felt overwhelmed and exhausted by everything you have to do (while still worrying you aren’t doing enough!) then this episode is for you. Today I’m talking about burnout with Lesley Waldron, is a burnout coach who is also a sandwich caregiver (a parent and caregiver to a parent). Much of our conversation tackles this conundrum: friendship is hard during burnout, yet, it’s also cruci...

There’s no better way to test your friendship skills than to move to a new city, and today’s guest, Leannda Shearer, has moved to a new city not once or twice but eight different times! So, at this point, you could say she’s an expert at building a support system. With each new move, she’s learned that it takes not just the right skillset but also the right mindset to create meaningful connections...

Sometimes, when our social lives feel lacking, we find ourselves living  vicariously through others and wondering: how come they’re all living their lives and I’m not? This is the experience today’s guest, Christine Hetzel, found herself in during a kind of quarter-life crisis. To turn her friendship situation around, she took the initiative and began organizing different kinds of public meet-ups....

If you’re somebody who dreads going to a party, then this episode is for you. Sometimes the couch feels more appealing than going out into the world and socializing, and I get it. Attending a gathering takes energy. Sometimes it feels awkward. But gatherings can also make us feel inspired and supported and invigorated. Today I offer an approach that will help you take charge of your guest experien...

Do you know men who don’t have close friends? It’s a common problem (one that I cover in Episode 31 and Episode 32 of this podcast) with major implications. Poor social and mental health in men is connected with all kinds of other issues ranging from suicide and depression to gun violence. Joining me to talk about this issue is Antonio Neves, a leadership expert, motivational speaker, award-winnin...

Today I talk about two friendship terms I’ve been hearing more about lately: the “couch friend” and the “errand friend.” Lots of people want these kinds of friendships because they’re supposed to be easy. You do life’s responsibilities together or you do absolutely nothing together – no planning or panic cleaning required. But how do you find these friends? How do you find someone you’re so comfor...

Have you ever gone back to an old friend, only to realize it’s not the same as it was? This is the experience of today’s guest, Sarah Marie Paige, who in this episode shares about her amazing high school friend group – a group she assumed she’d be able to re-enter without a hitch post law school. Instead, she learned they couldn’t actually pick up where they left off. Just like with plants, if you...

There are some friendships we just need to let go of. In some instances, this means letting go of an aspect of a friendship. In others, this actually means letting go of an entire friendship. Today’s guest is Emily Rogers, a transition and leadership coach and the host of the Leap to Lead podcast (which I was recently a guest on; link in the show notes!). Emily has lived overseas for 20 years and...

Have you ever met someone truly magnetic?  They walk into the room, and suddenly, the energy shifts. People are drawn to them. Some might argue that this is just the way some people were born. They inherited some gene that the rest of us didn’t. But I believe magnetic individuals are just people who are doing the thing, putting themselves out there and taking action consistently – which over time,...