Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

There is something dreamy about the idea of living close to your people. Imagine all of the spontaneous walks, casual dinners, and “come over, I’m on my couch” friendship vibes that so many of us crave. Today I’m talking with Kelly and Kristi from The Friendhood , a group of four women in Atlanta who actually did it. They didn’t just talk about moving closer to their friends someday — they now liv...

There’s a specific kind of loneliness that I don’t think enough people talk about — the loneliness you feel EVEN when you have good friends. In this episode, I’m talking about why you might feel lonely, and I’m breaking it down into a few different reasons. Maybe you don’t feel fully seen, maybe this friendship isn’t the right container for what you’re carrying, maybe life circumstances have chang...

Why does connection, caregiving, parenting, friendship, and community feel so hard right now?  Author Stephanie Malia Krauss is here to talk about the “weather” we’re all living in right now: we’re overtapped, overworked, overstimulated, and overwrought.  And honestly, when I read that, I felt like she had put language to something so many of us are carrying around without even realizing it. Steph...

My book is finally out in the world. This week, I'm taking you behind the scenes of the 6-year journey that became Are We Friends Yet? — from a food blog and a 40-page e-book idea, to a 120-page Word document, a friendship framework obsession, a major health crisis, an unexpected book deal, and more moments of crying on the floor than I'd like to admit. This is the story of how this book...

What do you do if a friend tells you something deeply personal? Maybe they're getting divorced, or they’re pregnant but haven’t publicly announced it. This week, I'm sharing a friendship boundary that Michael and I have held for years, including the kinds of things we don't share with each other, why some of our friends are shocked to learn we've kept their secrets for months (...

Friendship apps have a reputation for being awkward. They're "not how real friendships happen.” But what if that's not true? When Hayleigh Hayhurst moved to Seattle knowing almost no one, she found herself craving deeper connection and a stronger support system. Instead of waiting for friendships to happen organically, she decided to try Bumble BFF — and ended up meeting some of her...

Why does one friendship feel effortless while another feels tense, draining, or rigid? In this episode, I’m diving into a concept I think about constantly: friendship culture. The unspoken norms, expectations, habits, and “rules” that shape how our relationships function. From how you split the dinner bill to who initiates plans, what topics feel safe to discuss, or whether partners are included i...

Divorce is one of those life moments where everyone has an opinion, a reaction, or a face they make when they’re told – which is, much of the time, not very helpful.  … So what IS helpful? That’s what today’s guest, Oona Metz, is here to talk about.  Oona is a licensed independent clinical social worker, a certified group psychotherapist with 30 years of experience supporting women through some of...

Have you ever tried to make a new friend and felt like you were stalling out between the “acquaintance” and “friend” stages?  Maybe this person was on the edge of your life for months, and yet, nothing ever changed: you saw each other in the same places, you kept having the same conversations. How do you get to that point where they feel like a friend? Some people assume if a friendship isn’t prog...

Here you are, leaving that friendship hangout frustrated again.  You swear you’ll tackle the issue at the next meet-up, but then, time goes by. You’ve pushed the problem aside. Until it happens again. And again. Suddenly, this little issue has become a major one. Today’s guest is Colette Jane Fehr, a therapist, TEDX speaker, and author of the Amazon bestselling book, The Cost of Quiet . Her work i...

Bad vibes. Frenemy. Fake friend. Toxic friendship. We have an entire vocabulary for when friendships aren’t working, but I think certain words and phrases often oversimplify friendship issues – and ultimately end up costing us something very real. In this episode, I talk in particular about the word toxic: its history, how it’s morphed in modern friendship culture, and questions to ask yourself to...

To me, writing a friendship manual for neurodivergent people seems kind of mind-bending. How do you encapsulate the beauty and diversity of ALL our brains in one book?  And yet, today’s guest, Caroline Maguire, has done just that. Caroline is an expert in social-emotional learning and ADHD coaching, the author of Friendship Skills for Neurodivergent Adults (which I HIGHLY recommend!); and host of...

Does talking about one person to another make you a bad friend? For quite some time, I’ve been considering the role of gossip in friendship. I’ve reflected on my own patterns and beliefs, and I’ve thought hard about where I’ve pushed the boundaries.  My goal in this episode is to get to the root of gossip and the role it plays in relationships. I dive into some research about the history of gossip...

For years, Erin Snow was a trauma-informed legal advocate for domestic violence, sexual assault, and stalking survivors, so she understands well the cost of having nowhere safe to say what’s true.  When she got divorced, she felt isolated and without a support system, even among people she thought were friends. She’d been so busy being everyone else’s “person” that she never let anyone be hers.  S...

Fitting social gatherings into busy lives often isn’t easy, but let me remind you of their value: One of the longest studies on human connection found that adults who went to social gatherings regularly reported reduced levels of depression and better life satisfaction. The good news? You don’t have to wait for life to ease up or to get invited to see your people; you can start creating recurring...

Have you ever felt like you have nobody to call, and wondered: how did I get here? Where are my people? Maybe you’d been focusing on your career and lost touch with your friends. Maybe a big life transition has made you feel the friendships you used to have were tied to a version of you that no longer exists. I’ve been there. I feel your pain, and I wish I could give you a big hug. But as somebody...

Like it or not, AI is becoming part of our world in countless capacities – including navigating friendships.  Today’s guest is Connor Joyce, a senior user researcher on the Microsoft Copilot team who has been working in the AI space for five years. He has integrated AI into almost every aspect of his life, including friendships.  To some of you, this might seem intense, and I get it. But I challen...

Ever feel both happy and also … a little jealous when a friend shares good news? I experienced this dichotomy the other night, when my friend shared a success. I found myself performing enthusiasm while dealing with conflicted emotions; I wanted that kind of success, too. Did this make me a bad friend for feeling something other than pure joy for her? In this episode I talk about jealousy in frien...

While brainstorming episode ideas, I sometimes search Google Analytics to see what people are asking. Here’s what I found this week: How do I ask someone to hang out without making it weird? Turns out, millions of people are feeling anxious about asking someone to join them for coffee! (What do I say? What if they think I’m weird? What if they say no?) Today, we end that cycle. I’ll talk you throu...

She used to call herself the shy, awkward kid with one best friend. Now she calls community her superpower. Last year, Alison Kinsey decided to run an experiment: invite 10 interesting people to coffee in one year. The result? New friendships and a complete shift in how she sees herself. And you’d never guess it was a cross-country move to California that encouraged her to become an initiator. Fro...

This is the second installment in a two-part series about group chat anxiety. If having a massive group chat text chain stresses you out, then I’m going to let you in on a secret: it’s because you CARE about your friendships. But with these chains, we’re also sometimes pouring this caring into the wrong place. In this episode, I talk about auditing these group chats and determining what’s working...

Have you ever picked up your phone and discovered a hundred unread text messages? Likely you’re at the tail end of a group chat, and it kind of feels like walking into a party two hours late. You want to respond but wonder: will people be annoyed at you for backtracking? Maybe you even feel resentful for being added to this chat without consent.  Group chats can sometimes feel like you’re operatin...

When Michelle Valiukenas lost her daughter Colette after being born at 24 weeks, the grief was devastating – and this grief had real effects on her friendships, both good and bad. In today’s episode, Michelle and I talk about the evolution of relationships through all of life’s ups and downs and the value of showing up imperfectly. Shortly after recording, my own friends lost their son in the NICU...

One reason I do this work is I believe all humans deserve to feel safe – but for a lot of us, that’s not a reality right now.  Across the country, from Minneapolis to Maine, people, including children, are being kidnapped from their homes under the guise of immigration crackdown.  So today’s episode is about leveraging connection as a form of resistance to protect our neighbors. What can you offer...

Ever feel like, all of a sudden, you have TOO many friendships to juggle? I know – this sounds like the most privileged problem ever! But truly, it’s a common experience, and I think the reason some of us get burnt out is because we feel we need to show up for each person in the same way.  My thoughts? Some friends are lifelines; others add color to your life. Both types matter. But you don’t have...