Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

A few years ago, I realized that one of my friendship patterns was actually kind of a problem. I’d show up for my friends as Superwoman, bragging that I could (and would) drop everything and do anything for my friends – even if it meant betraying myself and my own needs. Then, when I really needed help, I’d never ask for it. I think we all have friendship patterns and tendencies. Some are good. So...

What are your friendship beliefs? What stories do you tell yourself about your friendships? Today’s episode might be one of the most important I’ve ever recorded because it gets at the heart of so many people’s struggles: core beliefs about friendship. Here, I’m joined by Sarah Siegert, founder of Friendships Abroad. Inspired by her own experience moving from Hamburg to London, Sarah is a friendsh...

I just want to make friends who are in the same stage of life as me. In this business, I hear some of the same phrases over and over, and this is one of them. I love that goal, and it’s a big part of what I talk about on the podcast. But recently, I’ve also noticed a trend in which people are seeking friends who are in DIFFERENT life stages. So that’s what I’m talking about today. Why would you wa...

One thing I always say is creating a community is the ultimate self-care. In today’s episode, we dive deep into this idea with my good friend Jenny Dreizen, who is the co-founder of the Fresh Starts Registry, which I’m a huge supporter of.  The Fresh Starts Registry is a registry for all of life’s new beginnings, from divorces to graduations, big moves to scary diagnoses. (Sound familiar? I also t...

If you’re having a bad day, try bragging about a friend. Talk about that thing they did and why they’re so great – it will turn your whole day around. Today I’m bragging about my new friend Anna Goldfarb, author of Modern Friendships , which is about the nuances of adult friendships. Anna is a journalist whose reporting has appeared in The New York Times , The Atlantic , The Washington Post and Vo...

How do we balance community and independence? This question is posed by today’s guest, Donna Fields, who, twenty years ago, moved to Spain, and experienced culture shock, going from the United States – an individualistic society – to one that was collectivist and communal.  Donna is an author, professor, teacher, trainer, and host of the podcast Doorways to Learning with Donna . Here, she asks: wh...

Think about your closest friends. Have you ever felt yourself saying, maybe I just don’t know them anymore? Or, why is it so hard for us to get together?  Here’s a question I’m posing for today’s episode: instead of trying to maintain friendships at their “peaks,” what if we allowed these friendships to breathe in their new forms? Today’s guest is Joseph Suttner, who I met a year ago while on New...

I’ve been paying more attention to my self talk lately, particularly my negative self talk. It’s so easy to berate ourselves and give ourselves labels about our interactions. I’m a bad friend. I’m awkward. I’m terrible at small talk. I’m not good at showing up . But what if instead of saying, I’m awkward , we say, that interaction was awkward , and look at the situation objectively? It’s easier sa...

Today’s topic is female friendship, and to be honest, I’m a little overwhelmed by the responsibility. I hear your stories about the intensity, cattiness, and drama of female friendships, but to tell you the truth, it’s been a long time since my friendships involved those extreme experiences. Due to my life’s circumstances, I had to approach friendship differently. Friends are my support system, an...

Today’s episode is all about holding space – and it’s a poignant reminder of the importance of friendship and how it can profoundly affect our lives, even after a friend has passed away. Michelle Cecil is here to vulnerably share her story about her friendship with Erica. Michelle and Erica’s friendship blossomed in their youth and grew stronger as they navigated the ups and downs of adulthood. Th...

How much Vitamin J are you getting in your life? In today’s episode, we’re talking with Dr. Zarya Rubin, a Harvard educated functional medicine physician, and one of the questions she often asks patients is about whether they’re experiencing enough joy and connection. Though there’s a societal push for more exercise and more kale, connection is actually one of the MOST important things you can do...

Sometimes to feel closer to our friends there’s this pressure to share our most vulnerable feelings or unearth some deep, dark secret.  But what if I told you there are more ways to feel connected to our friends that are actually simpler, easier, and more common? That in fact, there are DOZENS of ways we’re trying to open up to each other, but because they’re not “big” shares, they’re often overlo...

How much time do you spend with the people who matter to you most? This could be your partner, your kids, your family, your friends, your community. The answer will probably vary depending on your season of life. This episode features Katrina McGhee, a career break coach and author of Taking a Career Break for Dummies . Katrina was inspired by her own 20-month career break that involved traveling...

In this episode, we cover something I’ve been DYING to talk about: friendship in virtual reality. When you put on the headset and enter the VR world, what’s it like? Today’s guest, Wesley Stroupe, is a Friendship IRL podcast listener who recently moved to a small town. Wesley is a self-described anxious person, but especially after the pandemic, he knew community and connection were important in m...

Never underestimate the power of the simple things, especially when it comes to friendship. I love that we tackle the big topics on this podcast, but there’s a special place in my heart for episodes like this one. Today’s guest is Dr. Zahara Williams, who is a therapist, speaker and author of the After Betrayal workbook. Here, we talk about an amazing group of friends she’s remained close with for...

Do you want to teach your kids how to make and maintain friendships? I’ve said it before, and I’ll say it again: modeling is so important, but as today’s guest Pam Howard points out, what’s also crucial is checking in with your own friendship beliefs, particularly any fears or insecurities you have about friendship. That way, you can separate your experiences from theirs. Pam is a licensed clinica...

When the term “learned loneliness” came across my desk, it made my ears perk up.  The idea of learned loneliness – that loneliness is now our new normal – resonates with me; I often find myself wanting to see people, but instead, I’m scrolling or turning on the TV. I used to think this was laziness, but now I think I’ve gotten comfortable being uncomfortable. Here are some stats to ponder: 35 perc...

Have you ever felt like a bad friend for not showing up for someone you care about? Or maybe you’re frustrated that you’re ALWAYS showing up for everyone but feel like nobody reciprocates; or, MAYBE you’re somebody who struggles to let people support you. If any of this resonates, this episode is for you. Today’s guest is Olivia Howell, co-founder and CEO of the Fresh Starts Registry, the first an...

Many adults today say they weren’t taught to make and maintain friendships. I’m often asked how we might break this cycle and model something different for the next generation. What I keep coming back to is that we all need to start making small changes. What if we said hi to people walking by? What if we stayed off our phones while on the train or waiting in line? What if we allowed children to t...

From happy hours to bottomless mimosa brunches, many friendships are held together by activities that involve alcohol. Consequently, these friendships are often affected when one party stops drinking. I personally have experienced some big friend group culture shifts when it comes to alcohol. In the beginning, alcohol was the norm, but it’s not anymore. Today’s guest is Hitha Palepu, the CEO of Rh...

How close do you live to your friends? Next door? Down the street? Or do many of your friends live on the other side of the country?  Today’s guest, Jenna Myhre Deyle, actually made a cross-country trip in order to be closer to friends. Before the move, she’d been married, was climbing the corporate ladder, but after her divorce, she couldn’t shake a certain level of unhappiness.  Linked in our sh...

Are low-maintenance friendships all they’re made out to be? So many of us are trying to live in this impossible zone of wanting friendship to be little effort but not neglectful. The effort of staying in this bubble can make maintaining a friendship more difficult, and it also denies many of our inherent needs. Today I’m going to talk about why this mainstream current definition of “low maintenanc...

If you could go back and advise your 20-year-old self about friendship, what would you say? Personally, I always had the worst social anxiety hangover, worrying about the things I said or did after hanging out with people. I know now I should have asked my friends about it instead of ruminating and worrying. This is the underlying theme of today’s episode – lessons we’ve learned about friendship s...

Need something to light you up today? Maybe some profound advice? Look no further! Today’s episode features Mark Delaney, host of the podcast The Purpose Mastermind . He and his wife Andrea are purpose dealers, which means they spend their lives helping people clarify their purpose into one simple sentence. He says that having something in life that moves us and compels us is at the core of what i...

My friends and I talk about money all the time. It’s a great way to crowdsource information from people in the same season of life. I also think it helps us be more open with one another. But money can be a taboo topic and difficult to navigate with friends. To help us through these sometimes tricky conversations, we have Sarah Roller, a financial coach who helps clients create personalized money...