Friendship IRL: Real Talk About Friendship, Community, and What It Actually Takes

Have you ever moved somewhere new and felt like you were on the outside looking in? This was Charlotte Massey when she moved to Seattle in the midst of the pandemic, when making friends was borderline impossible. Instead of accepting isolation, she got strategic about it. We’re taking friend-dating spreadsheets and sales funnel approaches. Charlotte is the executive director for the Seattle chapte...

Have you ever felt like you were the “extra invite?” The “filler friend?” The friend who gets invited to the big events but never the intimate gatherings? There are lots of reasons people find themselves in this position. Maybe a big life change has altered friend dynamics; maybe you’re just in a totally new friendship group. But maybe you’re also exhibiting behaviors that are keeping you on the f...

There are songs about romantic heartbreak, but where are the songs about losing a friend who meant EVERYTHING to you? That’s what Leïla Six and I want to know. Today’s guest, Leïla Six, is a singer-songwriter who is asking the hard questions about friendship in her music, using art to contribute to a culture that values all kinds of love, not just the romantic kind. In this episode, we dive deep o...

A few years ago, five sets of my friends moved away within a six-month period. These people were my emergency contacts, the people I did Sunday dinners with. I was devastated. This isn’t a unique experience; it often happens to people in their late 20s and early 30s, when life paths start to diverge. Friends get married and have kids. They travel the world and pursue their careers. The friendships...

The other day I was telling a friend about my goal to be better about responding to text messages in a more timely manner. My friend agreed: this was something I needed to work on! And this was fair. Other friends have called me out on this, too.  But after recent episodes about virtual communities, parasocial relationships, and online friendship, it hit me that I’m not actually bad at ALL digital...

In the past few episodes, I’ve talked about keeping in touch with friends through the digital space. This episode goes a step further: how do you MAKE friends online? Today’s guests are Claudia and Marcela, the mother-daughter duo behind the Minded Society , which offers a supportive virtual environment for women in their 30s, 40s, and 50s, with monthly events, book clubs, and personalized connect...

Are online friends REAL friends?  I’m not talking about parasocial relationships, which are one-sided relationships; I’m talking about people you’ve had conversations with, people who know things about you. My personal opinion is that they most certainly are. In this episode, I talk in-depth about the difference between my friends I met in person and the friends I met online. I combat some of the...

The term ‘parasocial relationship’ was coined in the 1950s by American sociologists Donald Horton and Richard Wohl to describe how people connected with TV personalities at the time.  Today, parasocial relationships have expanded to include celebrities, influencers, athletes – even podcast hosts! Social media in particular has taken parasocial relationships to a new level; it blows my mind how muc...

When was the last time you just called a friend because you wanted to talk? We carry these super computers in our pockets, but sometimes, using them to stay in touch feels more complicated than ever. There are some people we can ring spontaneously. Others require multiple rounds of scheduling. This episode is about the gap between wanting to stay connected and actually doing it. Today’s guest Mark...

Sometimes friendship can be a powerful force for social and political change. This is according to today’s guest, Priya Vulchi, author of the newly-released (and AMAZING!) Good Friends: Bonds That Change Us and the World , which offers a resounding cry that friendship is vital, not just for individual well-being, but for humanity itself. Priya is the co-founder of the nonprofit, Choose; was the yo...

Have you ever stopped to think about what connection actually IS? How do you define the multi-faceted thing that we talk about all the time on this podcast?  That’s what our guest, Dr. Adam Dorsay, is tasked with in this episode.  Dr. Dorsay is a licensed psychologist, executive coach to high-achieving adults in Silicon Valley, host of the award-winning podcast, Super Psyched , and presenter of tw...

Who in your life are you most consistently connected to? Is it a partner? A roommate? A friend, sibling, or parent?  Now tell me this: when was the last time you wanted to lean into an interest, and you automatically asked this particular person to join … even though it wasn’t their thing?  I call this the “easy ask,” and I think it’s a universal experience. I came up with the term years ago when...

A few months ago, I made a professional connection, and the energy felt good.  As we neared the end of our working relationship, I realized I didn’t want this connection to end – but there was no logical way for us to get together. We weren’t in the same industry. I didn’t know if we had overlapping hobbies. The whole situation got me thinking about this weird gray zone we sometimes find ourselves...

Do you ever think about how one small act of kindness can literally change the direction of someone's life? What if YOU could cause that turning point? Today I’m sitting with Bryan Driscoll, author of The Goodness Game , who took an act of kindness he received 20 years ago in Orlando and, with the help of a Craigslist ad, paid it forward in a way that made national headlines and enormous ripp...

There are endless ways to make friends as an adult, and today we’re diving into one I have never covered before: speed friending. To some of you, this will sound terrifying at first, but stick with me, because it’s actually pretty brilliant! Today’s guest is Georgia Huntley, founder of Friends of Friends, who  is doing something really special in the friendship space. Georgia hosts speed friending...

During the pandemic, like many others, I felt politically charged, and I channeled this energy into being an online warrior. On social media, I reposted it all, making it clear where I stood – only to realize this wasn’t my highest use. I wasn’t actually reading the books or taking the actions. I wondered: what could I do instead? That’s how I ended up here.  Real community requires something most...

Are you enjoying your friendships? Are you able to be present with your people and soak up your time together? So often, people focus on what’s missing in their friendships. They have this idea of what “peak” friendship might look like, which gets in the way of being grateful for what is there.  I’m here to remind you that there is a stark contrast between HAVING connections and ENJOYING them. And...

One of you asked me an amazing question the other day:  If you could tell your younger self one thing about friendship, what would you tell her? I spend so much time thinking about community and connection – probably much more than the average person – and I have learned a lot since my youth. Some realizations I’m having at 35 are realizations a lot of people might not have until they’re middle ag...

Do you ever drive past a former friend’s house and find yourself flooded with memories? Suddenly, you start thinking: what would it be like if you still talked? Maybe it’s just a fleeting thought, but maybe this thought really stings. As much as we like to think of certain friendships being “done,” it’s never really the case. Today’s episode is about the friendship that got away. What causes us to...

Everyone’s allowed to have pet peeves. It’s normal and bound to happen. In this episode, I talk about common pet peeves; my friends’ pet peeves; and my own pet peeves. Do you ignore them? Deal with them? (Also, how DO you deal with them?) Some people say to write off friends whose tendencies are driving you crazy. My thought: it’s a lot of work to make new friends! What if we instead navigated tha...

Recently, I left a text message from a friend unanswered for ten days. It’s not something I’m proud of. All I needed to do was respond to this friend, but the more time that passed, the more it felt like a bigger response was needed. For ten days, I woke up, knowing I needed to respond to this text message, feeling worse and worse. Then, yesterday, I told myself, if there is one thing I do today,...

Have you ever had to FIGHT somebody in order to help them? I’ll bet we all have that friend who meets you with resistance when you offer to show up for them. “It’s too much,” they tell you – even if it’s no trouble at all. Today, we continue our conversation about giving and receiving support with Laura Malcolm, the founder and CEO of Give InKind, a one-stop social support platform where you can o...

I used to love being the “strong friend.” For awhile, it was a large part of my identity, and I’d brag about dropping anything to help a friend in need. In retrospect, it’s easy to see how being the “strong friend” came naturally to me. I had a complex, traumatic childhood, and as the eldest daughter, I became a caregiver at a very young age and dealt with a lot of unpredictable circumstances.  At...

At the time this episode airs, there are devastating wildfires in Los Angeles – and yet, I’ve seen some beautiful levels of response. When something bad happens, whether to one person or an entire community, people want to help.  Consequently, I’ve been thinking a lot about how people show up for one another. In a world where so many feel disconnected, helping someone else is a way to feel less al...

Think of a space you feel completely comfortable in that’s not your own home. For me, it’s my grandparents’ house. I can easily picture their front porch, where my grandmother waited for us; the table we played cards at; and the garden, where I spent hours talking to them while picking green beans. We’ve been trained by the internet to believe superficial details – like a perfectly styled coffee t...