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Children's television plays an important role in our society. Without it, how would parents detach themselves from responsibility? It is largely to the clowns that the credit for this necessary institution is given. It is the one and only reason we haven't launched them all into the sun.

It turns out there are countless more Mount Rushmores that we can create, and so we do. Why do they climb the mountain? Because it's there. Why do we dynamite the mountain? Because it's there. Also because of our surplus of high explosives.

Medical science hasn't always been, well, a science. For many centuries it was mostly just focused on finding different rocks to shove up people's buttholes, or figuring out new ways to expose witches. Nowadays we leave that stuff to the professionals at the chiropractic clinics.

We're making a cartoon based on Cory. It will be inspired by the Saturday morning cartoons he grew up with, which means it will NOT be a thinly-veiled 30-minute-long advertisement, it will just actually be a 30-minute-long advertisement. There was no veil, folks. The emperor had no clothes, because they were sold separately.

Has YOUR job of the future been invented yet? Actually, statistically, of course it has. What a ridiculous question. Where was I even going with this? Oh yeah, this episode is about jobs of the future.

...would sound as sweet. Precisely AS sweet, so even if you don't think it sounds sweet to begin with, I'm not asserting that its sweetness level would change at all. Also, this episode is about naming things.

Is "goldneck" a term for rich people, like how "redneck" is a term for the uncouth poor? Well, it is now. That's the joke I thought of for the title, and I'm not changing it. Anyway, in this episode, we identify all the key indicators of wealth. At least, from a child's perspective, that is.

We're burying this episode with a Christmas Day release because there's just too many possibilities and we weren't able to narrow it down at all. How could we? The subject, of course, is a TV show about Grant, and let me tell you, there are too many different choices, every single one of which would be pure gold.

Let it be known throughout the land: If you have something that's precious to you, especially if you're a marginalized group of some sort, we will dynamite the living hell out of it until it resembles something that's precious to US. This is the natural order of things, and it will not be interfered with.

We're taking one more spin through the failed wreckage of old television, this time focusing on game shows. All you need to know about game shows is that you team up a random nobody with a C-list celebrity, have them play a boring word game, mix in some corporate sponsorship, and you've got a hit on your hands. Or, much more likely, you've got 12 episodes before they cancel you.

We have many corrections, omissions, and other such errata to discuss today, but it all sort of revolves around a certain movie...

So, you know how, like, stuff will, sorta just, be a thing, then, like, go away, or something? Like, people used to talk about it a lot, and junk, but then it seems like they don't quite so much? Nowadays? If so, then you already understand this week's topic. If you don't, Matt will do a much better job explaining it in the actual episode.

What if I told you that a record was set over twenty years ago? Would you be interested? If you were one of the men who set that record, yes. Yes you would be. Hopefully that's a big enough audience for this.

It is our three hundo-th episode, ladies and gentlemen. Lots of people said we'd never get here. All of you, in fact, said that. We even said that. Arguably, we SHOULDN'T have gotten here. But against all odds, logic, and good sense, here we are. Let's just make the best of it, shall we? Also, here's an attribution for some free music, just because: Pacific by Vyra | https://soundcloud.com/vyramus...

WE ARE NOT ASSOCIATED WITH THE FYRE FESTIVAL IN ANY WAY. I cannot stress that enough. Legally, I CANNOT stress that enough. WE ARE NOT ASSOCIATED WITH THE FYRE FESTIVAL IN ANY WAY. Is that enough? Better safe than sorry, I guess. WE ARE NOT ASSOCIATED WITH THE FYRE FESTIVAL IN ANY WAY.

Many children love playing sports. But they need an adult to pretend to understand the sport in order for the whole charade to work. The children who don't love playing sports also need an adult, but this time it's either to yell at them or to politely bench them. The benching is a win/win in that scenario.

You know how stand up comedians used to get their own sitcoms all the time? Well, in the future, completely unknown podcasters are now getting their own sitcoms. ALL. THE. TIME. So much so that even one of your four beloved FLAPmen has been contacted by a network and asked to star in his own show. We brainstormed a few ideas to help him get started.

Ever wonder where your favorite characters come from? Well, we're pulling back the curtain on the entire creative process this week to give you an inside look at this closely-guarded system. The way it works is that someone sends an email that contains a bunch of random names, and the recipient has to create characters based on the names alone. It really is that simple.

For some reason, the only explicitly-named media crossover we ever got was the made-for-TV movie. All sorts of works are adapted from one medium to another, but to my knowledge, the only time a medium itself was adapted was when they made movies, but for TV. It never went the other way. We also never got the made-for-TV book, the made-for-book play, or the made-for-opera cassette tape.

You may know MMA as the sport where people punch and wrestle each other at the same time. But it used to be the sport where a puncher and a wrestler punched and wrestled at the same time, with the puncher only punching and the wrestler only wrestling. Sorry if that was confusing.

I'd use this space to define the term "street cred", but Cory does it in the episode almost right away. Speaking of street cred, that Noah Webster's got it in spades when it comes to defining things.

This week we take a look at the life of Ben Franklin, one of the greatest presidents in United States history. In fact, I can't find evidence of a single misstep he made while in office. I mean, even the great ones have a few blunders here and there. I'm going to have to look into this a little bit more.

Today we discuss the sinister events that transpire within the most sinister shape, anchored on the third-most sinister island: The Bermuda Triangle. Thank the good lord that the triangle isn't centered on Mallorca, or we'd all be well and truly fucked.

This week we discuss the various beer and ass-paddle-related rituals conducted by the shadowy cabal of beard-stroking puppetmasters who secretly run the world. Spoiler alert: They mostly involve beer and ass-paddling.

Some pretty terrible ideas sometimes get the green light. So imagine how terrible the ideas are that DON'T get that green light. Even TV executives said "no" to these ideas, folks.