Free Legal Advice

For movie producers looking for the next big box office blockbuster, look no further. Do you want action? Do you want explosions? Do you want senseless slaughter and wanton destruction? In this episode, we come up with about fifty different fragments of ideas for movies, each and every single one of which is a work of pure, awe-inspiring genius.

There's the right way to do things, there's the wrong way to do things, and then there are... other ways to do things. Do you want to know about them? Sorry, you don't have a choice. When you chose to listen to this podcast, you made a legally-binding agreement to listen to every single episode.

Remember last week when we made fun of ideas we didn't understand? Well, if you expected us to learn our lesson, you need to find another podcast to listen to. (please don't do that, this is all we have)

It's time to take your cash to the next level. Sure, you made your first million selling can coozies to slack-jawed idiots, but how are you gonna turn that cool million into an even cooler BILLION? Let's just say some Chinese farmers are gonna be a factor.

Let's face it: We've conquered the podcasting world. Marc Maron, eat your heart out and then kill yourself. So what's next? In this episode, we examine our highly-detailed business plan to enter and eventually conquer every single other existing medium.

Did you know that every hour, on the hour, seven hundred children will be devoured by hungry wolves? Sound crazy? Think again. The new trend sweeping our nation's schools is called "Luping". After taking ecstasy, kids wander through the woods in search of wolves. These misguided miscreants think the bites they are about to receive will turn them into werewolves, just like in their favorite books,...

What if - follow me on this one, now - what if, video games WERE REAL. Or something. I really don't know.

After 59 episodes and two holiday specials, we figured it's about time we actually gave out some free legal advice. Take out a notebook, because you're going to want to write this shit down. The advice you are about to hear is definitely, definitely real.

What if I told you that four men talked about Shaquille O'Neal for half an hour? What if I then told you that they recorded this for some reason, and now you can listen to it? These four men are clearly doing the lord's work.

This episode is sure to eliminate any remaining listeners. Trust me on this one. But that's definitely only because "they" don't want us to succeed. "They" have already mobilized their agents against us. Wake up, sheeple.

Everyone has been forced to live with awful, inconsiderate jackasses at one point or another, right? I mean, unless YOU were the awful, inconsiderate jackass that someone else was forced to lived with. But what are the odds of that? Apparently 3/4.

It's important for children to be bused out into the woods and made to sleep in tents for a week. And if they happen to learn how to make a macramé plant hanger, even better. What I'm saying is, camp is incredibly important, and this episode relates beloved and definitely not traumatic stories about this crucial institution.

Some musical instruments are better than others, and those of us who play these blessed machines are clearly superior to the rest of you rags. We here at Free Legal Advice have taken it upon ourselves to guide you along the proper path of noise-making.

Superfans: Why, though? Could we not? Let's not.

If you are reading this, then you owe us $19.95. Make checks payable to "Slush fund". Got the check all written out? Good. Now kindly pay us the $5.00 payment-handling payment.

Without the Free Legal Advice podcast to provide guidance, who knows what state the world would be in today? This week we offer listeners a peek behind the curtain, and let them in on all of the totally real and not fake emails beseeching us for advice that we receive on a daily basis.

As difficult as it is to believe, even WE have made mistakes from time to time, and this episode will right all of those wrongs.

It's definitely still Christmas time, and you know what that means: Bizarre, unnecessary Christmas specials! And we here at the Free Legal Advice podcast know a thing or two about being bizarre, being unnecessary, and being totally chronologically appropriate.

The long-awaited episode is here. Unfortunately, this really IS as sophisticated as we can get. Send your Pulitzer Prizes to freelegaladvicepodcast@gmail.com

Sometimes in life, things are clear. You know exactly what you want and what you need to do to get it. Things are nice and simple. Other times, things are also exactly like that, only you wait two decades for some reason before you actually get around to doing it. This episode relates stories of the latter kind.

In this episode, our heroes relate painful tales in which deeply-held beliefs were revealed to be false. I ask you, dear listener: If we can't trust rappers from 30 years ago, who CAN we trust?

Isn't it silly to seemingly define your entire life through one brand, or one small, weird thing? I sure think so, as I sit here in my Hugo Boss shirt, Hugo Boss jeans, Hugo Boss socks, Hugo Boss ascot, Hugo Boss typing gloves, and Hugo Boss typing hat. Also, be sure to stick around at the end for some random nonsense I had no other place for! Sent from my iBoss

In what is surely a world first, the hosts of this fine audio program break new ground by relating humorous tales from unpleasant jobs they have held. Who knew that work could be a source of comedy?

We're doing the lord's work in this episode. Literally, because we're your new lords. Might want to brush up on your groveling.

Okay, hear me out: I know this is not the episode sequel you were hoping for. But sometimes sequels are better than the original! Like The Empire Strikes Back, or... probably other examples! And this sequel arrived just in time for the holidays! How many movies do THAT?