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The nicknames of sports teams are wide-ranging, to be sure. Look no further than Australia for proof of that. But after spending an inordinate amount of time laughing at incredibly silly real ones, we decided to create incredibly silly fake ones, too. Go Common Spoonbills! Beat the Christmas Island Pipistrelles!

Okay, imagine the World's Fair, but stuffed down into a single county. You'd get cows, rigged games of chance and a demolition derby, right? That's what happens when I do it, at least. Maybe my math is wrong...

Alternate title: "Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Curses* (*But Were Afraid to Ask)". People get incredibly deep-cut Woody Allen references, right? If not, this description is cursed.

Groups are great, right? I'm not sure it's a formula that can be improved upon. I mean, unless maybe you took the best individual parts from several successful groups, and brought them together to form some kind of, I don't know, supergroup. If you did that, surely the world would be brought to its knees. Well, by the end of this podcast, earth better have invested in some kneepads.

It's time we started thinking about our legacy. I mean, we're not getting any younger. I know we don't look a day over 50 episodes, but this is episode 109. We've got to start getting our affairs in order. And as long as we're already doing that, we might as well do it in the most ridiculous way possible. ALSO, Matt's audio crapped out halfway through, but WE HAD A BACKUP!! We're learning! It only...

Who among us hasn't committed a litany of petty offenses for no discernible reason? Besides us rule-following nerds, I mean. For the rest of you, your adolescence was likely chockablock with illegalities of every stripe. These are the tales of those illegalities. And remember, they're all victimless crimes.

Note: Matt's audio is a little screwed up in this episode. He has been flogged accordingly, and we have taken preventative measures. His track was probably haunted by some sort of ghost, or something. I don't know. It doesn't really make any sense, but this episode is about ghosts, so I was just trying to connect things.

If you've ever said a prayer, ate a vitamin, or flexed your oiled-up 24-inch pythons in front of masses of screaming fans, you owe a debt of gratitude to one Hulk Hogan. You can begin paying that debt back to him by watching his cartoon, Hulk Hogan's Rock 'n Wrestling. And trust me, watching it will feel like you're paying off a debt.

Being a good salesman requires detailed market knowledge combined with a sophisticated understanding of social dynamics. Or you can just tell a kid to sell it to their relatives, and you'll probably be just as successful, honestly. Plus, you only have to pay them in cheap plastic crap you found in a burned-out warehouse in Teaneck, NJ. That, plus granting annual entry into the holy Money Machine t...

Julius Sumner Miller said that there is no such thing as a failed experiment. That's my proof that this episode can't possibly be considered a failure. I cited a quotation! Although, to be fair, he's just some random TV science host. It's not like Einstein said it, or anything. Damn it, I should have just said that Einstein said it.

This week's episode is a slice of life; a day in the life of a typical henchman. Who are these people? What is their daily routine? Why did they answer that Craigslist ad?

There's only one person to blame when an episode is uploaded late for no good reason: Matt. With that out of the way, it's time to throw the hammer down, or something, because we're talkin' 'bout truckin'. If you don't like apostrophe-related truncations, then this is not the episode for you. Ye' bes' get outta here, 'cause 'taint nothin' fer ya here.

In this episode the focus of our #ramblins is the noble hotel. Motels may also be #rambled about. So, a main course of hotels, with a side of motels. AND A DESSERT OF HILARITY!!!!!!!!!!!! That comes free with the #ramblins, as per the usual agreement.

Point: 100 episodes and 5 specials of self-promotional nonsense. Counterpoint: This episode.

One hundred episodes. You know what that means: Arbitrary milestone celebrations! That's right, we've done so many of these things, it can scarcely be believed. It's almost enough to destroy one's faith in humanity. I mean, Chappelle's Show only got 28 episodes.

Hey folks, it's time for another we-don't-have-an-actual-episode-due-to-poor-planning-but-here's-some-weird-old-shit...-stravaganza? I think that's the term for it.

In theory, this episode is about Christmas. In practice, I cut out all the long, rambling stories that were vaguely connected to Christmas, and I left in all the long, rambling stories that were vaguely humorous. It's a Christmas miracle!

Are YOU going to Scarborough Fair? If so, can you return this time machine for us? We took it for a spin, and there's no way we'll be able to top the day that we had.

No self-respecting action hero / karate champion / powerlifting fire-breather can go around with a name like Sammy Sparkles. No, they have to be called Punch Hawkins, or Crush Flexington. The more badass the person, the more badass the name has to be. But what name is the MOST badass? We may, in fact, reveal that very information in this episode! Well, I mean, we will, because that's what the epis...

There is an improv show called The Tournament of Nerds. This is absolutely nothing like it. It's more like a Dork Decathlon, or The Geek Gladiators. Completely different.

From the mightiest Pharaoh to the lowliest peasant, everyone needs their hair cut. Well, except the bald. They can skip this episode. For the rest of us, we discuss the traits of the ideal barber and barbershop, tell haircut stories, and finally, create our own barbershop franchise. And to answer your question, yes, we ARE actually trying to entertain you.

Variety is important in any medium of entertainment, and we here at the FLAP are determined to provide a wide variety of content for you, our dear listener(s?). Instead of delivering our usual thirty-minute rambling excuse for a show, we thought we'd switch it up and do a somehow even more rambling show this week! At least the video is good this week (be sure to watch it, because it's definitely a...

Move over, Batman. Take a hike, Superman. Drink bleach, Martian Manhunter. There's a new hero in town, and you can look forward to his movies premiering in June of 2024, 2026, 2028, 2030 and Christmas of 2032. Buy your tickets today!

What if your boss wanted to discuss an idea with you? And what if you had no idea what the hell he was talking about? And what if you had two dates on the same night? That's not really relevant to the episode, but it is amusing to think about for roughly half an hour.

Contained herein is the special Free Legal Advice horror anthology, entitled "Anthology of Horror: A Free Legal Advice Special". It consists of an original spine-tingling tale of scariness from each of the four brothers. It is not for the faint of heart. They don't like our shit, either.