Free Legal Advice

It's the season of gift-giving, or whatever, and so we got each other gifts. And what gifts do podcasters give each other? Podcast topics! It couldn't possibly be more meta. Tune in to see what topics we gave each other.

Any person should be proud of a single hundo. Having achieved such a glorious feat, one could understandably retire for good. Many great men in history have failed to reach the fabled hundo. Here at FLAP, however, we do not settle for such trifles. Call it greed, call it hubris, call it what you will. Regardless of what you think about it, we have attempted, and completed, our second hundo. What b...

Everyone needs a stooge upon whom they can pawn their work off. Ladies and gentlemen, I am that stooge. Ben has once again made the topic "Grant tells us stories about professional wrestling." I have to say, it's good work if you can get it.

Want to hear four people discuss some weird old movie you've never heard of? Probably not. What if I told you that the name of this movie is 'Hell Comes to Frogtown'? I already know, beyond all doubt, that you're now in.

Chewing something crunchy? That's a rapper gun noise. Choking on something crunchy? That's also a rapper gun noise. Bagpipes played at your funeral after choking to death? Not traditionally a rapper gun noise, but I'm willing to hear an argument. There are so many different noises that we (sort of) did an entire episode about them.

Trends come and go. Then they inexplicably come again. We are here to help you with that last part. #trendWatch

Feel like continuing to live? That probably doesn't seem so hard, but it turns out if you go far enough away from your house, it can become very difficult. Why do people go that far from their houses? There is no rational explanation.

Everyone on earth has been dying to hear more completely inane questions answered by our panel of three experts. At least, I think that's why they've been dying. At any rate, we've finally discovered a few more such questions, so we'll answer them as best* we can. *Answers will be completely ridiculous

Happy birthday, Cory! I know it's not your birthday, but I'm just getting it out of the way now. Just come back and read this text as many times as you think you have years left, and I'm covered.

Do you live in some boring city no one cares about? Statistically, yes. Wouldn't it be great if your city was like New York, or Los Angeles? Well, here are the step-by-step instructions your municipal leaders can follow to make that a reality. It's guaranteed to work, and not end up wasting millions of taxpayer dollars on an ill-advised pipe-dream.

We're planning a retirement party, and everyone knows what that means! Seriously, do you? Are there traditional things associated with retirement parties? If not, we just invented about a dozen of them, so feel free to borrow for your own parties.

There are many works of fantasy out there, and I hate to say it, but most of them aren't very creative. A lot of them will try to trick you into thinking they've created things that are completely brand new, when they're really just cheap rip-offs of existing things. Well buddy, I can tell you: That is NOT what we've done here. What you are about to experience is the creation of an entirely new fa...

When was the last time you got a new G.I. Joe toy? 35 years ago? That just proves that it's time we came up with some new characters for you to purchase. Of course, they'll each have their own command center playset, complete with plastic missiles that REALLY launch the first three times before they break!

If you're planning a wedding, STOP RIGHT NOW. We are about to do it all for you. Sure, this particular wedding is for me, so everything will be tailored to exactly what I want. And sure, my asshole brothers are planning this, and so it will instead be a bunch of silly horseshit that no one anywhere would want. But still! By the end of this podcast, the wedding will be planned! It's done! I'm prett...

How dare they? How DARE they?! Would they seriously dare? Really? They're daring? They're actually doing it? Oh. I guess they do, indeed, dare. Today we discuss such instances of daring, in which the sacred is sullied just for another nickel.

What will we do when aliens first arrive on Earth? Disintegrate, probably, once their J-beams bathe the entire surface of the planet in an apocalypticly orange glow. Then our atoms will be sorted and fed into the hopper of some kind of matter creator so aliens can press a button and have a cheese danish instantly appear, or something. I mean, this is a virtual certainty, so much so that there's re...

There is only one thing that Las Vegas has been missing up until now, and that is silly pitches for casinos. Oh sure, there have been realistic, well-researched pitches for actual businesses that can be a boon for both the owners and the citizens of Las Vegas, not to mention the visitors themselves. But every dose of practical economics should be slathered in a nice helping of pointless horseshit.

If you're way, waaaaaaaay into something, you're probably not reading this. You're most likely trawling forums for tips to control the salinity of your exotic fish tanks, or scouring eBay listings for a mint condition 1979 Fred Lynn Topps card, WITH the printing error that made the bill of his cap look crimson instead of scarlet. Or maybe you're big into FLAP, in which case you aren't just reading...

Ben is dead. I'll give you a moment to celebrate. I mean, grieve. Got it out of your system? Good. Now we just have to figure out how to dress up his corpse and stick him in the ground. He would have wanted it that way.

Is there such a thing as a good movie adaptation of a video game? I maintain that there is not. COULD there be such a thing? The world may never know, and rest assured, in this episode we make absolutely sure not to find out.

Lights, camera, auction! See what I did there? That's a level of cleverness you just can't find anywhere else, as long as you don't look at all, even for a little bit. Seriously, please do not try and find something more clever than that. It will be very easy, and I'm very fragile. Anyway, we auction off movie elements in this episode, surely creating three can't-miss summer flicks. Blockbustin' m...

Mascots generally suck. Except when they're annoying someone else. Then they're fantastic. Do we have any further comment on mascots? I don't know, probably. I haven't listened to this one yet. Let me know if there is, I'm interested now.

In this high-tech modern age we live in, there are now games played entirely on boards. Picture it: A standard board, just like the ones you have at home, being used for play and enjoyment. The age of computers is about to come crashing down.

Do you like wrestling? You don't? Well, that really shouldn't matter this week. We're talking about the craziness and silliness of pro wrestling, hopefully in a way that anyone can enjoy. That's right: For the first time ever, we've attempted to record an episode that's at all accessible.

DEATH IS COMING. Did that scare you? If so, I imagine you must have some unfinished business to attend to. That unfinished business is the "bucket list", and this week we take a deep dive into what that really means. Spoiler alert: It means going to a beach or something.