For The Hayters: The Stories We Survive

TW: PTSD, suicidal ideation, self-harm, alcohol use, and war. Tim was told he was stupid before he was old enough to argue, and spent the next thirty years proving he could survive anything: underground cage fights, Special Forces selection, Afghanistan. Then he came home, and the hardest fight of his life started at 2 AM with nobody shooting at all. Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayt...

We got Alex and me in the same room for once, in New Jersey for Bex's birthday, and instead of yip-yapping about numbers and the hard stuff, we decided to play a game. Would You Rather, money edition. I thought we'd disagree on everything. Turns out our answers surprised even us. The catch with Would You Rather is that it feels like there's always an obvious answer, until you actually have to pick...

TW: pregnancy loss, medical trauma, premature birth, surrogacy complications. Sara drove six and a half hours to tell me what surrogacy actually took from her, and it was nothing I expected. This is a conversation about wanting something so badly you'll carry it for someone else, and what happens when your body makes a decision your heart didn't agree to. Interview, narration, and editing by Becky...

TW: domestic violence, suicidal ideation, child neglect, miscarriage, addiction. In Part 2, Kail tells me about the dad she built into a knight in her head, the night in 2019 she wasn't sure she'd take another breath, and the question she still can't put down: am I her? Interview, narration, and editing by Becky Hayter, with post-production, scripting, and sound design by Emily Nadal. Don’t forget...

Retirement is one of those topics everyone throws numbers at you about. You need a million dollars. You should have six times your salary saved by 50. You should be maxing everything out. And honestly? It makes me want to close Instagram and pretend retirement doesn't exist. But here's what Alex helped me understand this week: avoiding it doesn't make the problem smaller. It just makes it harder t...

TW: child neglect, addiction, sexual assault, abortion. You met Kail Lowry at 16, pregnant, on national TV. You never met the girl who came before her. The twenty-some moves, the locked doors, the childhood she spent raising herself long before any cameras showed up. I've known Kail for over ten years and thought I knew her story. I didn't know the half of it.  This is part one: the year...

TW: outing, homophobia, sudden death of a parent, complicated grief, body image. Em was outed at 13 — before she ever got to say the words herself — and spent years being told she was too young to know who she was. This episode is about what it took to stop hiding: coming out for real on her own terms, finding her wife Paige, and building a family the way they wanted it. It's also about loss. In 2...

The second Becks was born, Becky called Alex in a full panic and asked one question: "What account am I supposed to open for him?" Same energy as everyone who's ever Googled "529 vs UTMA" at 11pm. In this episode, Becky admits she had no idea where to even start, and Alex breaks down every kid investment account without making any parent feel like they're already behind. The Solution Why the guilt...

Trigger Warning: This episode contains detailed descriptions of domestic violence, physical abuse, emotional abuse, and coercive control. Lauren spent four years inside a relationship that cost her almost everything — her safety, her money, her freedom, and pieces of herself she's still recovering. She left with a one-year-old son, no car, and nowhere to go. What happened next wasn't a clean start...

Every time someone mentions a Roth IRA, do you nod along and then immediately Google it the second they walk away? Same. In this episode, Becky admits she still isn't totally sure what she has or doesn't have when it comes to retirement accounts, and Alex breaks it all down without making anyone feel behind. The Solution What a Roth IRA actually is and why Alex is obsessed with it (hint: the gover...

TW: Infertility, pregnancy loss references, birth trauma, body image, postpartum hemorrhage, medical trauma. One in six people will experience infertility and most of them will do it in silence. Gel did two rounds of IVF through a global pandemic, went to every appointment alone, gave birth with her husband waiting outside the building, and spent two and a half years not recognizing her own body....

TW: heart failure, near-death/flatline, suicide loss, domestic abuse, depression. At three months old, Bree was given six months to live. She's 49 now — the only one left from a group of kids born with the same heart condition. We talk about being a "miracle baby" with the weight of that title, grieving the version of yourself you used to be, and the difference between existing and actually living...

You make decent money. You're contributing something to your 401(k). You think you're good. But what if I told you there's free money sitting on the table — money your employer literally wants to give you — and most people have no idea they're walking away from it? This week on Wallet Therapy, Becky admits she spent years contributing 2% to her 401(k) and missing out on her full employer match (oo...

TW: parental death, grief, generational trauma, brain surgery, mentions of medical events. Laura and Este grew up in the same massive Italian family — same Christmases, same wedding tables, same kitchen — and barely spoke for the first 20 years of their lives. Then Laura's dad died. This conversation is about grief, immigrant parents, generational patterns, and the cousin who became her person ins...

TW: parental abandonment, complicated grief, dementia, caregiver burnout, complex family dynamics. Danielle was raised by a single mom with a disability in the same small town as the father who chose not to be part of her life. Now she's parenting her own daughter while becoming a caregiver for the mother who raised her — who's living with dementia. This conversation is about growing up early, gri...

70% of couples argue about money more than they argue about chores — and yet nobody teaches us how to actually talk about it. Becky gets real this week, confessing that the second she downloaded Monarch and started tracking every dollar, Leah felt like she was being audited (in her defense, the mystery $450 Amazon charge turned out to be baby formula). She's said no to dinners with friends, her so...

Trigger Warning: This episode contains detailed discussions of pregnancy loss, stillbirth, infant death, and postpartum depression. After years of navigating PCOS and multiple IUI cycles, Kortney finally heard the words she’d prayed for: "You’re pregnant." But the joy of expecting twins, Kinsley and Cameron, was met with a terrifying reality at her 20-week scan. Her cervix had opened, and her preg...

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses parental alcoholism, child neglect, suicide attempts, and graphic descriptions of traumatic death. In this episode, Starr sits down with me to pull back the curtain on a childhood where "home" was never a synonym for "safe." For Starr, life was a constant exercise in "second nature" awareness—learning to read the room before the day even unfolded to see whic...

Most of us treat our credit cards like a safety net, but as Alex points out, the average household is actually trapped under $17 trillion in national debt. Becky gets vulnerable this week, admitting to a peak of $30,000 in credit card debt and the "vicious cycle" of consolidating balances just to rack them up again. If you’ve ever looked at your banking app through your fingers, this one is for yo...

Trigger Warning: This episode discusses fatal car accidents, drunk driving, and graphic descriptions of loss. In August 2023, Brooke’s life was shattered. Her husband, Shawn, was killed in a head-on collision by a drunk driver with a BAC of 0.28 while on his way to work. What followed was a harrowing journey through a legal system that Brooke feels hands victims a "life sentence" while the respons...

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode discusses miscarriage and the emotional toll of pregnancy loss. "I just wanna kiss a girl. I would never date one." That was the internal narrative Jean Kupers held until she met her wife, Allie. Growing up in a small town with rigid gender roles and "wacko" but liberal-leaning parents, Jean’s path to motherhood was anything but traditional. From the clinical coldness...

Is your phone giving you a "pit in your stomach" every time you check your bank balance? You aren't alone—53% of Americans couldn't cover a $1,000 emergency with savings. In this episode of Wallet Therapy , Becky admits she’s been "driving through a rainstorm without windshield wipers" , while Alex explains why a Starter Emergency Fund is actually your most important "insurance policy for your san...

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode contains deep discussions of multiple family losses, terminal cancer, and the sudden death of a spouse. "Wait, that’s not what was supposed to happen." Those were the words Brittany told me when reflecting on the loss of her father—the "healthy" parent who was supposed to be her rock. She didn't know then that it was only the beginning of a five-year window that would...

TRIGGER WARNING: This episode discusses premature birth, traumatic labor, medical intervention for micro-preemies, and birth-related trauma. "Your family didn't come in your sea bag." That’s what they tell you in the Navy. But what happens when your "family" is a 1-pound, 6-ounce baby fighting for her life in a plastic box while you’re expected back in uniform? This week, I sit down with a woman w...

Ever feel like you’re on top of the world on Friday, only to be digging through couch cushions for change by Monday? You aren’t alone—and it’s not just a "low income" problem. In this episode of Wallet Therapy , Becky (the Novice) and Alex (the Expert) dive into the "Friday High" vs. the "Monday Panic." We’re breaking down why even high-income earners find themselves trapped in a cycle of overspen...