Finding Traction: Recovery from Porn

One of the things I have noticed in working with guys who struggle with porn is - - they also struggle with procrastination.  In this episode we look at this connection and discuss some simple strategies to overcome compulsive procrastination! If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link...

The metaphor of war is used a lot in recovery for the reason that it often feels like we are in a battle!! In this episode Vern talks about principles of warfare and applies them to our recovery battle. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobi...

One of the forerunners of the porn recovery field is Nate Larken.  His book - Samson and the Pirate Monks is a classic read for anybody starting out on this journey.  Today I am pleased to have Nate on the podcast as he talks about his recovery journey, missteps along the way, and how he wants the end of his recovery journey to be remembered.  He also shares information on the Samson societies tha...

A relapse is always possible but never inevitable.  There are inescapable ripples that follow a relapse but how do we prevent a slip from becoming a slide!  In this episode we discuss how to get back on track when we fall off the wagon! If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get...

In this third and final episode of Marriage Hacks - Vern explores some of the ways to explore why you hit a wall on certain topics with you partner as well as the idea of recognizing when you have a filter on that you need to communicate with your spouse.  Your marriage is not your recovery but working towards a better marriage can help in reducing the stress and friction in your daily life that o...

It seems that deep fakes are everywhere these days. My question for you is this - are you a deep fake?  Are you a person with a deep disconnect between the public and private you.  In this Episode I talk about how that happens and how to experience the benefits of living a life of integrity. Todays episode is summarized in a diagram that you can find on the Circle learning platform. So... If you w...

In a recent television episode of The Paper the new boss teaches his employers what it takes to be a local report.  Toward that end he talks about the classic rules for reporting called the 5 W's.  In this episode Vern talks about this in helping us learn to be better reporters of our relapse events. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Ver...

Women Please Note:  This episode is not mean to shame you if you are struggling with the after effects of the disclosure of your husbands porn use.  It is meant to encourage you not remain stuck in your pain, anger and grief and get the help to see your marriage restored to the dream you had when you walked down the aisle.  If you are a woman looking for a great organization to help you process th...

We had so much fun last time I thought we would do it again.  Actually I realized there was a number of marriage tips and hacks that didn't make the last episode so I thought we would do a part 2!  Heres to having a great marriage relationship! If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following lin...

Relationships can be hard work - especially maintaining a marriage over the long haul.  In this episode Vern shares 5 marriage hacks that can make that challenge be a little bit easier! If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST d...

What should I tell my girlfriend about my porn history (or other sexual history).  Should I hide it?  What if honesty will end the relationship?  In this episode I talk about why it is important to be honest but also nuance when and how this could be done. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the f...

So how did your summer go?  Vern has been away for the last month and shares somes up and downs from his summer holidays including a recovery lesson that he is working at integrating into his life. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, I invite you to to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile de...

It's fun to talk to people outside your circles who dont' necessarily share your experience or assumptions.  The following is a conversation I did with Jeremy Longpre from the North Star Podcast around men's health and problematic porn use. The following is a link to the North Star Podcast https://podcasts.apple.com/ca/podcast/north-star-podcast/id1660393769 If you want to get access to a host of...

Back in Episode 73 I introduced the idea of the Acting Out Cycle using the picture of a Stopwatch.  In looking back I felt I could give a more robust explanation of how to actually stop ourselves from just repeating the same cycle over and over.  To do this I add a new step - PREEMPT - and share from some of my recent examples how to put this into practice. If you want to get access to a host of f...

It is not uncommon in our early recovery to feel anxious that a next relapse is just around the corner.  Is there a way to grow in our confidence as we start out on this journey? If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the ci...

One of the reasons we are unsuccessful long term in porn recovery is because of some of the ways of thinking we practice.  One problematic thing that guys tell themselves is that "they are good" or 'they are strong" which is experientially true at the time. The probem is that we are good (until we are not!) If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Ver...

What is the difference between real sex and our porn binges?  The differences might explain why some people confess that real sex is hard and less exciting than our porn world.  In this episode Vern explores that uncomfortable question and how we can grow towards real intimacy with a real person. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle...

What if positive feelings toward your wife were a powerful motivator to move away from porn.  In this episode Vern builds on a recent book he read called  "Cherish" by Gary Thomas. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get started.  if you are using a mobile device FIRST download the...

Country songs are known for their - "if only I knew then what I know now" regret songs. In this episode we ask a sobering question - is the door to your marriage closing and share a principle that Vern has practiced and taught for 40 years. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform.  Just use the following link to get st...

Have you ever wondered what set you up for your struggle with porn?  In this interview Vern talks with Tim Fletcher who is an extremely popular Youtube expert on the subject all things trauma and attachement. In addition to Tim Fletchers Youtube Channel you can find some of his helpful information on his website  https://www.timfletcher.ca/ If you want to get access to a host of free recovery reso...

When porn use is disclosed (or found out)  in a relationships it often comes with a thudding crash.  In this episode expert Barbara Steffens talks through the impact this can have on a woman and steps that both men and women can take in their navigating a path forward. What can we learn from a relapse?  In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent rel...

What can we learn from a relapse?  In this episode one of Vern's coaching clients bravely shares what he learned from a recent relapse in the hopes that it can also be instructive to other listeners.  The song at the end can be downloaded in the circle learning platform below... If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform....

In this episode Vern goes back to the topic of dealing with a wave of temptation and craving.  In this episode he argues that we need to strengthen our understanding of connection and also introduces a couple of "Go To's" that he uses when he is in the middle of experience a Wave. The first reading is based on the Bible App (Psalm 119 - the Message) The second reading can be found here: A Liturgy...

Do you ever feel that craving hits you like a big wave?  In this episode Vern provides hope that the next big wave doesn't need to overwhelm you! If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has to offer.  If privacy is of concern to you - simply use your firs...

Most of us are tempted to think that our porn use is free.  Sure we may not be "paying" for porn but you are paying in ways you many not even realize it.  Today we talk about the "hidden costs" of our porn use. If you want to get access to a host of free recovery resources, you need to sign up for Vern's Circle learning platform. This is how sign up for the free circle learning resources Vern has...