Everyone's A Critic

Look, we've knocked vegans and vegan recipes in the past for no good reason. I feel bad about that. Veganism is choice as hell, and I'M glad for it. Jess might have her own vicious opinions about missing "binders" in pancake batter, but who needs those?! You've got each other, and me, because I like you. On the plus side, my segment knocks Jess on her ass way harder than I expected. Real heavy con...

ATTENTION HEADPHONE USERS: We're trying to make our podcast as loud other podcasts, so episodes going forward will be louder than normal. If you or a loved one has listened to this podcast with headphones and experienced ear damage, call the law offices of J. R. R. & Tolkien. We can get you the sweet, sweet cheddar you deserve. In today's episode, I reveal the awful show I've been watching lately...

Well friends, we may be witnessing a generation's worth of downward spiraling, but even THAT will not stop us from uploading our weekly crapshoot. That being said, we feel rather chuffed with this top-tier episode. Today, Jess talks kitschy box signs and the weird-ass things they say, while Jonathan introduces us to the one-and-only Casa Bonita, and the weird-ass things people say about it. Folks,...

In today's episode, Jess takes us back to our most soul-draining segment, and I storm the Amazon Pantry with a really questionable agenda. Also, I make some fun Amy Klobuchar jokes in this one, and they are VERY fun, but now is maybe not the best time to be crackin' like any jokes about any dems? So like I get that, trust me, and I AM sorry... but she does also throw things at her staff, so...  If...

It's 2019, and it's been our time of need for a good 3 years now. We need a carbo-loaded hero, full of greasy mozzarella, who can hoist our broken selves back onto our feet. Therefore, where in the FUCK is Pizzalord?! In today's calorie-dense episode, Jess takes us to Pizzalord's favorite Canadian jail hostel, while I explore all the ways AllRecipes users are making a mockery of the good PB.  If y...

In today's Spooktember Special, Jonathan tells tales of terrifying tours, while Jess reads reviews for the lord's one true slaw. We may or may not be losing our shit a little bit. If you're enjoying the show, please consider sharing it with your friends! If you have no friends, help us build our internet cred instead: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/...

Before there was time, before there was anything, there was nothing. And before there was nothing... there was Ikea. In today's episode, Jess realigns our molecules until we're ever-so out-of-phase. Meanwhile, I explore reviews for Rollercoaster Tycoon's mobile mistakes and become pretty emotional.  A normal episode, then. If you're enjoying the show, please consider sharing it with your friends!...

In today's toasty episode, Jess reacts LIVE to the crimes of the hotdog toaster. You won't get uncut emotions like this on any other podcast. Except for Beautiful Anonymous, needless to say. Later, Jess then drags us back, VERY MUCH kicking and screaming, to the Grosser Green Grocer.  Also, for today's episode, I'm experimenting with skipping the noise reduction that I usually run on our audio. Th...

Listeners, the Month of Only Good Challenges HAS BEGUN. And while I didn't say it in the episode, because I forgot, you are all encouraged to participate, just like in Blues Clues. Do my challenges, do your own challenges, whatever works! Just keep us posted on Twitter (@CriticEveryone). There's also an ep in there somewhere, a real back-to-school special, filled with all of your favorite, high-so...

In today's episode, I take us on a trip to a listener's home town, and Jess brings us the big news from the down under. This one's got big dudes, bigger bananas, a ski resort called Pine Knob, and a little dollop of Cat's Content, just for good luck.  The audio quality on this one is a bit of a wild ride, especially in the first half. I huff into my mic a fair amount, which I know bothers some fol...

On this the day, the day of our Podcast's christening, we celebrate with some fresh guitar playing, a truly non-sense intro, a weirdly echoey mic, E=MC Cracker, a mysterious phone-call, Yuengling's dirty secrets, and the opening of Al Capone's secret vault IN THAT ORDER. We worked hard researching for this big special, and in the end, it was a messy and problematic one to pull together. But we did...

Today's episode features an unspooled Mr. Fantastic, onion-free tomato sauces, quesadilla tummy sickness, and 5lbs of ground meat. Jess drags out an old, fan-favorite segment, and I return to an almost certainly over-done segment. No, not the Subway one. The other one.  We love our little podcast family, but we'd like to see it become a not-so-little podcast family. If you're enjoying the show, pl...

We weren't going to make our 50th episode a big celebration. 50 means NOTHING. Then the Cats trailer came out, friends. The Cat trailer came to us all in the night.  Also in today's episode, Jess talks Teddy Bears, interrogates me on my childhood stuffed animals, and reveals a dark secret about her younger brother. Later, I take us back to Where the Wild Things Are ... Caged. We want this podcast...

In today's troubled episode, Bob Vila attempts to sabotage the show by building an entire house right above our recording space. But even the Vila-man himself can't ruin our big-time Listener Special! For this one, we've got reviews for rude restaurants and communion wafers. We want this podcast to find more folks who could use it. If you're enjoying the show, please consider sharing it with your...

In today's episode, we're bringing that good sickness energy your way, as well as all the audio woes that come with it. Jess takes us on a world-class vitabinge of Amazon's best supplements, while Jonathan gets down with some dippables.  We want this podcast to find more folks who could use it. If you're enjoying the show, please consider sharing it with your friends! If you have no friends, help...

Folks, recording this one was a real adventure. But we got through it with our Pizza Dinks intact.  In today's big 4th of July Blast-Off, Jess talks birthday cakes, and Jonathan gets hot with the dogs.  If you're enjoying the show, please consider sharing it with a friend! If you have no friends, you can help us build our internet cred instead: Facebook Fan Page: https://www.facebook.com/Everyones...

In today's episode, Jonathan sings out of key, Jess gives a mountain 3 stars, and the neighbors throw a noisy pool party. If you're enjoying the show, do us a favor and don't keep it secret. Let someone know! Especially if they're a celebrity. Find us on Facebook, Everyone's a Critic, follow the lemon.  https://www.facebook.com/Everyones-a-Critic-2327696304154655/   Twitter: @CriticEveryone foreve...

We all know folks in the service industry work entirely too hard. But when you're the sole cockswain on the sinking ship that is the Manhattan Transit Authority, you become a legend: Ericka, patron of tubes, keeper of metro cards, slayer of delays. We all love Ericka. Also in today's episode, Jess tackles what it means to be chicken soup, and how you can too.  We now have a Facebook group! Find us...

In today's episode, Jess ushers in a bacon-wave of the future, while Jonathan takes the family out for SoCal's finest quesadilla salads.  It's the only way we know to say thanks to all of our new listeners. We hope you stay tuned for many a bacon-wave to come.  Music used in this episode includes: 'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015...

This week, we're rolling out the red carpet for some new listeners and announcing the Month of Only Good Intros! Only the toppest-tier intros for your ears, comin' at you hot n' ready like a Little Ceasars Impossible Pizza.  Also in today's episode, Jess drags us by the nose back to the Belligerent Bibliophobe's Book Nook, while Jonathan gets dangerous with some medieval weaponry.  Music used in t...

In this week's episode Jess takes another hard look at the concerning things people do with their graduate degrees, and Jonathan plays a dirty rotten trick. If you like what you hear tell a friend! Tell two friends!     Music used in this episode includes: 'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucker - Bebop Molecule http://freemusicarchive.org/music/Guillaume_Tucker/2015021275957958/BebopMolecule-GTucker-Verdigr...

Did you know coffee gravy is a thing? Well, your southern Granny does. In today's episode, we expose all of Granny's gravy misdeeds to the world: Red-Eye Gravy and Chocolate Gravy. Also, we Raid the Amazon Pantry for popcorn toppings and find out how easy it is to turn a simple popcorn flavoring into a deadly aerosol.   If you like what you hear, then be sure to tell a friend! We plumb ran out of...

Is that title really relevant to today's bangin' topics? Nah. But it does sound like that famous Mike N Ikes slogan, which is a very funny thing. We had a board meeting and agreed that it's very funny. In today's episode, I plunder AllRecipes for it's peanut butter perversions, which happens to be Jess's least favorite food in the universe. Meanwhile Jess takes us down a beany path that we may nev...

Alternate titles for today's episode include:   Cosmic Whatnots We're All Stardust, Baby The American Likes to Hyperbole Lemme Get Sitiated Don't Fuck with the English Heritage Society. Cute Ginger Has My Heart Jail for Animals Morning Cocktail Time Guinnea Pig Jousting (how the FUCK do you spell guinnea pig gunniea gunny guinne)     Music used in this episode includes: 'Ad Break': Guillaume Tucke...

In today's episode, we begin with a big welcome to our new listeners, who, if I'm crunching the numbers correctly, have already bounced. You really gotta hug 'em quick, huh. Like a Sting and The Police song, ya just gotta scoop 'em up and never let go. Or is that Bon Jovi? Who remembers. Anyway, the rest of today's episode is devoted to Easter: Easter foods, Easter festivities, and Easter governme...