Everyone's A Critic

Hope ya'll are hangin' in there! The radio station that now hosts our podcast put out a general call for content, so we thought we would give it our best, FCC-friendly shot. We're not sure if it actually is 100% FCC friendly, or if they will want to air it, but we thought y'all could use some extra jokes regardless.  Take care friends, and we'll catch ya' next Wednesday.  

Today's title works as both a possessive and a contraction. Also, we want to make extra clear that this episode was recorded on March 15th, so the things we say about going to the grocery store are less than ideal now. Hey, get in touch with us with the things that are making you happy! It won't be mentioned until our next episode, but we thought it would be nice to go one-for-one on nice things....

When bbcgoodfood.com entered our lives, we thought we had met a new friend. A new source of joy and myrth. Instead, our bullheaded curiosity merely unleashed a godless anger upon the world, a restless hunger that never sleeps. bbcgoodfood.com, the sower of madness, come from aeon's past to reap the souls of the innocent. Meanwhile, Jess brings some tight reviews for Amazon's many eggcessories! If...

This week, Jess informs us all that you can review local news networks on Yelp. I know, I know. Baffling. But it does invite all sorts of fun discussions about JG Wentworth and, apparently, breasts.  Meanwhile, I bring some reviews architecturally distinct McDonalds, and I still don't remember why I settled on that topic. If you've got friends, then they might like our show. Hard to say, but we'd...

Podbean, our podcast hosting service, now suggests that I "Make a clear, concise name for my episode" in the title field of this submission page. Well, how's "Of Mario and Luigi," Podbean? Those jumpy little bros get referenced like once and never again, so is that clear? Concise?! how about you let me LIVE MY LIFE ONE TIME, PODBEAN!? Our office has a bee infestation. It's been a trying week. But...

Basically, trying to record across town every Sunday at 11 AM was too ambitious. There, I said it. 11 AM across town every Sunday was a real push and a shove, and has created a decidedly f*ck-heavy episode.  We do have that good Nook for you though, and I hope it brightens your morning some regardless.  Thank you again to XRAY.FM for allowing us to use their recording space. We've already not made...

Hi everybody I'm Georgia P. Duck and TODAY's episode sure is a hoot n' a holler. We got snacks for grandmas. We got burgers for grandpas. We got a big top. We got a juggler. We got ten TONS of stolen Ben n Jerry's just WAITIN' for a buyer! I'm Georgia P. Duck and there are 14 like new Toy-otas on the lot right now. Come on down and listen to these engines purr!  Thank you again to XRAY.FM for allo...

Y'know, I think Jess's topic says it all: pirate-themed miniature golf courses. I mean, come on. There just isn't anyone else on the internet churning out this kind of top-tier content. Plus, as a bonus, you also get a vegetarian prattling on about hotdog accessories.  WHAT MORE COULD WE POSSIBLY OFFER BUT OUR VERY SOULS THEMSELVES. Listen, if you've got friends, then they need our show. We're the...

TONIGHT, on Kitchen Nightmares! Gordon Ramsay heads to Southern California, where he meets two brothers who can't STAND to be around each other, and a wife, no one can stand to be around! More importantly, Jess has reviews for America's corniest roadside attractions, and she FINALLY gets to talk Trek. Time for you to do what no Starfleet Captain ever could: buckle up.  Listen, if you've got friend...

Today's episode features a brand new, very fun intro segment that I think will only get better with repeat visits. The rest of the ep is classic us. We got Yamazon. We got haircuts. We got anxiety, ennui, and unnerving audio mishaps. And, in the final minutes, we have the saddest and strangest of candles. These days, can you ask for anything else? Yes. I mean, irrelevant now, but just as a reminde...

The daily nutritional values on this episode are frankly pretty abhorrent. The FDA may have to come down and regulate this one. Some day. Once they figure out the whole ketchup = vegetables thing that Reagan done did.  Until then, Jess has reviews for everyone's favorite greasy meal, and I do a town named after everyone's favorite kind of carb. Real two for one big egg, today. As a favor to us, pl...

In this one, I struggle with sickness, Jess struggles with life, and our apartment struggles with electricity. If you're a new listener, Ep 74 was pretty dope. Like not top 10, but close. Maybe start there? For the rest of you, this one's got some hot Go Yelp It on a Mountain action, and I bring a whole new segment about capitalism. It's only my 5th or 6th one. As a favor to us, please consider te...

That's right, I did Chili's again. And I feel very defensive about it for no good reason. Don't even look at me right now. Just say I did good.  Meanwhile, Jess brings some deliciously privileged reviews for the JFK Center and Wolf Trap, and one totally fine review about cornhole. As a favor to us, please consider tellin' a friend, loved one, or co-conspirator about the show, or drop us a review....

We originally wanted to title this episode "Take No Threats as Bluffs." It's 2020 ya'll, and this time, everyone means it, every time. In today's episode, Jess takes us on another super-sized roadtrip Down Under, while I get the new year started with some all new bits.  As a favor to us, please consider tellin' a friend, loved one, or co-conspirator about the show, or drop us a review. We love tha...

*SPOILER AHEAD* Well friends, we watched Cats the Movie Musical, and we just had to rush home and give you some sick Cats the Movie Musical content. Our friend from college Jacob joins us to discuss this fine feature film and what it means for humanity's future.  The audio quality is obviously not up to our usual standard; we slapped this one together pretty quickly and Jacob's mic is the shitty o...

It's December 25th, and you know we're bringing our twisted brand of Adult Swim humor to the joys of the holidays. Jess takes us on another tour of the Pious Parent's Museum of Moving Pictures, and I, y'know, do some holiday stuff. We think the world of ya'll, and we hope you've found some warmth and happiness, whatever that may be. As a gift to us, please consider lettin' someone know about the s...

Look, I'm not going to mince hairs are about this one. Book Nook, Gordon Ramsey, Candidate Dinos: All in one. You lookin' for trouble? We got trouble. We got that just-now-shipping-our-Christmas-gifts trouble.  Hey if you're enjoying the show, please tell a friend! We're a great listen for travelin' folks. Otherwise, JOIN THE CONVERSATION (about peach stuff)! Jonathan tries to be relatively active...

This may be our worst title to date, but like the heat death of the universe, it felt like an entropic necessity, a supermassive gravity. Kinda like the gravity of a thick-ass peach, you might say. In today's episode, Jess reads some reviews for fake chip recipes, while Jonathan takes us on another craveable trip across America.  We love our silly little 'cast, and if you like it too, please tell...

Heeey folks! It's our 69th episode! Nice.  In this one Jonathan explores some of the less savory items you can purchase on Amazon and have delivered right to your door. Jess takes a more innocent approach by checking in with what local teens might purchase at a shopping mall. Because local teens are into glassware and novelty talking buttons. Kids these days!  We love our silly little 'cast, and i...

In today's bird-centric episode, Jess reminds us all of the true meaning of Thanksgiving: mercilessly dunking strangers on the Food Network website. Meanwhile, I introduce A Tale of Two Turkeys, a story as old as time of conflict and tension between the have meats, and the have not meats.  We want to get our show into more drums, and for just pennies a day, you can make that happen by simply telli...

All I want to do is talk about how strange today's episode is, but I can't honestly say it's much stranger than usual. So here's today's totally on-par episode, where Jess, during her reviews for airport Starbucks, somehow confirms that she did NOT "gig" the frogs. Also, I get a bit personal and talk haircuts. We want to get our show into more drums, and for just pennies a day, you can make that h...

Today, good friends, we return to a particularly Belligerent Bibliophobe's Book Nook. And sure, Jonathan also takes us through reviews for some more mobile adaptations of classic PC games, but let's be real. We're all here for that tasty Nook, even if it gets a little Paula Dean Ravine at times.  We love our silly little 'cast, and if you like it too, please tell a friend, especially if they're fa...

This episode contains lengthy discussions about panties, the dreaded 't' in 'panties', and the thermodynamics of putting panties in a cannon. NONE of this was our idea. Instead, please send your complaints straight to the mayor of Chicken, Alaska, who, if we're being realistic, is probably a moose.  Meanwhile, Jess reminds us all that snake oil is alive and well. Especially on Amazon.com, where ru...

BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA! Prepare thineselves, steel thine nerves, gird thine irons, for the spookiest, the creepiest, the most horrible reviews to ever be heard by mortal ears! Beeradvocate turbo dorks! Sandra Lee's twisted creations! Annoying thundertubes! Wow! We love our silly little 'cast, and if you like it too, please tell a friend, especially if they're famous! Otherwise, JOIN THE CONVE...

We haven't heard from the Fresh Prince of Subway in a long time, and for good reason. He said some real weird shit on Twitter. But his German cousin, the Duchess of Dunkin' is way cooler, and so is Yelp's translation engine. Meanwhile, Jess ensures that we ONCE AGAIN parody the VERY well-known NPR show On Being with Krista Tippett. It's a joke that totally isn't for me personally. You're all in on...