Estrangement: Turning Pain into Peace

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Good morning, this podcast today is to introduce a slight shift in focus in my estrangement coaching podcast. There are many that deal with estranged relationships with an adult child.  My experience certainly included an adult child, but it was more than that and I'm finding that many of you struggle with it too. Next generation relat...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement I’m one that never thought I could find peace in estrangement. Estranged relationships were on my mind constantly. Over the holidays I heard from an abundance of women who struggled with their emotions and self-worth because of estrangement with a loved one.  I’m betting that you, like many others, are elated the holidays are behind you and...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Do you wonder how God works for you in estrangement or whether he is even aware or cares? You feel like you are in the crucible with pressures mounting, emotions melting and triggers exploding.  And you wonder how God could allow something so painful to linger with this person that you love. Why is their heart so hardened? These are questio...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Move on - how many times have you heard that phrase? Wouldn’t it be easy if we could just flip a switch and close the door on hurtful relationships?   For so many, the estranged relationship involves a family member, and it isn’t so easy to just walk away and close the door. So, how do you move on? I feel your pain and if you’re like me you...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Have you ever considered the impacts of estrangement in your life? Sure, you feel disappointed, resentful, angry even. You miss the person with whom you are estranged.   Feeling deeply wounded, you struggle to find your footing some days. Seeking to follow God, you try to forgive only to be reminded of the wrongs and once again you deal wit...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Surrender and cooperation are two words that helped me discover the peace I was seeking as I experienced estrangement in a relationship.  Admittedly, these are not two words we readily think about. Surrender conjures up the thought of giving up control. Cooperation may not be as fearful depending on what we are being asked to cooperate with...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Healing your emotions is critical when you are estranged. And its hard work that will take time and commitment.   Take a moment to think about the emotions you’ve experienced in the last few days when you think about the person with whom you are estranged.  Do you feel disappointed? Sadness? Anger? Resentment? Bitterness? Do you feel the ne...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement If you’re struggling with forgiveness, you aren’t alone. The truth is most everyone does. Oh, you may give lip service like I did and say you forgive, but the emotions linger. The pain comes and goes.  You replay the hurt over and over so much the record is warped and scratched. Yet you really want to forgive – or you don’t. But you know th...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Learning to be vulnerable is daunting in the best of circumstances. But when you have estranged relationships, it can be downright paralyzing.   Vulnerability is akin to giving someone access to your innermost thoughts and emotions. And for good reasons, it isn’t wise to give everyone that privilege. Wisdom and discernment are critical.   T...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Blended families and estrangement often go hand in hand. But are they more prone to estranged relationships? Research says not necessarily. However, they do face more unique challenges and that can morph into estrangement.  Are you part of a blended family that is facing difficulties and even amid estrangement already? Today we’ll dive into...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Limiting core beliefs affects your mindset and your overall health. And these core beliefs in estrangement can keep you stuck and unable to get into a healthy place.  Think in terms of whether I can’t, I will never, or I should. When you are in an estranged relationship it’s easy to let your mind go to extremes. If you were talking with a f...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Who you are becoming is vital in discovering peace in estranged relationships. And estrangement can lock you in a mental prison so that at times you don’t even know who you are anymore.  Triggers create a response that you later regret and you are mired in guilt. At times it feels as though you take one step forward and two steps back.  You...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement The top 3 causes of estrangement based on research studies help you understand not only why it happens but the impact on relationships.  Estrangement is something that many just don’t talk about. You may perceive it as a stigma as many do.  The concept of family evokes illusions of happy times, gathering for holidays and celebrations and gi...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Family conflict is on the rise as I am hearing from women in many circles. In recent years, politics, religion, and a host of other topics are dividing families more than ever.  I personally experienced that a few months ago when a conflict arose and it turned into a personal attack on perceived religious and political beliefs.   Are you ex...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Finding calmness in the storms of life can be quite difficult. I grew up in Texas right in the middle of a tornado alley. Sirens blare warning people a storm is coming and advising them to seek shelter.   Sometimes storms of life come with warning bells. The winds of anger and bitterness blow against you. Harsh words are spoken. False accus...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Estrangement and feelings often create an emotional train wreck. How are you feeling today? When people ask that question, you know that they don’t really want to hear that you are upset, sad, disappointed. They are just being nice.  The real question is do you know what you are feeling? Can you identify it by name? It’s harder than you may...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Trying to get through Mother’s Day with estranged kids is akin to living a terrible nightmare. Years ago, I remember dreading the holiday. While everyone was receiving flowers, chocolates, cards, and loving attention, I bawled my eyes out.  My kids were estranged following my divorce and other circumstances surrounding that event. Was I rea...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Family estrangement may be one of the toughest tests you will face in life. People say that death of a loved one is more difficult, and I do not discount that one. But estrangement is the death of a relationship whether it’s a child, parent, or beloved family member.  You may feel as though you are hanging on by a thread and the slightest m...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Forgiveness feeds your soul just as food feeds the body. That statement and what I’m about to share with you will change the trajectory of your life.  Living with estrangement sucks the life right out of you. Triggers pound on the door of your heart out of nowhere. Emotions follow and you find yourself in a dark place. Questioning your self...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement All things are possible with God scripture says. But do you believe it? Estrangement causes you to doubt that promise because you see no hope. Every effort you make seems fruitless. Day after day wears on with no resolution.  Hope is something everyone desires, and it often seems elusive. Consequently, you lower your expectations and give i...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement The greatest gift I ever received was to rediscover God through estrangement. That may sound crazy. Estranged relationships cause you to feel isolated, devalued, and unworthy and so it seems unlikely that God would reach out and pursue you.  But that’s exactly what I experienced, and it was life changing. Do you feel alone? Misunderstood? J...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Estrangement often follows a plethora of misunderstandings and judgments, and I’ll bet you’ve been on one end of the spectrum in a relationship.  As I began to think about this episode, I pondered a conversation I had with a woman recently. She wasn’t sure how her family situation had deteriorated to the point it had, but as she shared her...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement False accusations often arise in estranged relationships and may be the origin of the estrangement. Unless you are equipped with a mind shift to navigate these hurtful times, it is unlikely that the relationship will improve.  A strong back bone and thick skin along with a sincere desire to manage the conflict in a godly way are needed to p...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Estrangement, false accusation, guilt, and shame are not conducive to living a God honoring life. When you are constantly living with accusation from family, friends, kids or whomever it creates disappointment, bitterness and even anger.  You bring it before God and pray that he will help you deal with it in the right way, but human nature...

Send me a text…what do struggle with most in estrangement Learning to trust God as father is not easy when you’ve been abandoned, rejected, or treated harshly by your earthly one.  As one whose biological father abandoned her and an adopted father treated her harshly, I struggled to trust God as my heavenly father. Do you struggle with that concept too? I wanted to believe what scripture said abou...