ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

The Steps replace the addictive process with a Program of recovery.  This happened almost 20 years ago, when I was just beginning this recovery Program. On my way to work, I was driving slowly when the vehicle behind me suddenly sped up and hit my car. It was a very minor collision, but I thought, “I can take advantage of this and get some money out of it. I’ll just say that he damaged the entire...

This member embodies the honesty necessary to make this amends from the heart.  To every brother in SA who has treated me with respect and kindness, who notices the discomfort of being the only woman in an SA meeting or event, to those who strive every day to make SA a safe place for us, to those who have treated me like their daughter or sister, to the loving brothers who welcomed me in SA—thank...

Her sponsor helped her admit deep resentment towards her adoptive mother.  Rigorous is “an adjective that means extremely thorough, exhaustive, or accurate.” Rigorous honesty is a commitment to complete truthfulness in all aspects of life, even when it's difficult or has consequences. Phew. To become rigorously honest is a process that develops through the recovery process. This addict had no clue...

Honesty helps him take the Steps with sincerity of heart. Honesty starts with my heart. My head is going to think of all kinds of reasons to dodge the truth. When I was trapped in addiction, I listened to my head for reasons and excuses to continue to act out. I followed my head, but my heart was unsettled. With grace from my Higher Power, I found SA and began following my heart. My connection wit...

Higher Power gives her the courage to turn her whole life over to the will of God.  When I hear the words “rigorous honesty,” all kinds of things go through my mind: bringing the inside out, sharing with others, writing Tenth Step inventories, making phone calls, and sharing honestly and sincerely in meetings. In my recovery, it has already become clear that this is absolutely necessary. 

He learned through the Program to be honest in every area of his life. Rigorous honesty with myself is the best medicine for the disease because my disease comes out of denial—lying to myself and others. Before lust, I learned to fantasize and make up fun stories. I took that into my daily life when I discovered I could just lie to avoid trouble or to deal with uncomfortable things.

Completely exposed before God with a willingness for Him to take away her defects gave her a vital spiritual experience.  I have been in SA for five years, and am three years sober. I have been working through the 12 Steps with my sponsor, from the Step Into Action book. I am well aware that there are other methods in practice in SA, but I can only relate my own story (which I guess is rigorous ho...

His Step One was seeing reality for the first time without the lies and admitting to himself that he was addicted.  Rigorous honesty means the ability to share a feeling or situation with another person in a truly unbiased statement of fact. Addicts like to gloss over and shade the truth of events and characterize them from their point of view without consideration for the other party or the reali...

He stood at the turning point of his inventory and abandoned himself to God through complete honesty.  Hi guys, I'm Abhinav, a grateful recovering lust addict and sexoholic, sober today one day at a time (ODAAT)  from August 15 of this year by the grace of God.  I started my journey with SA in April 2023, when a close person in my faith tradition suggested I attend a Twelve-Step program for my com...

Practicing rigorous honesty has enabled him to grow in integrity in every area of his life.  When I was in a treatment centre to deal with my addictions, they asked me to write down three words I would want to be written on my tombstone. I wrote Honest, Courageous, and Loyal. In writing this, I realized that honesty was at the root of all three. When I pledged to be rigorously honest, it meant I p...

He found he could give himself entirely to this program on a solid foundation of honesty.  When we read “How it Works” from the AA Big Book, I am encouraged by how little stands between me and recovery! Even being gravely emotionally and mentally disordered is not an obstacle (whew!). The one condition? To give myself to “this simple program” of the Steps.  

Roland mentions in his article, "The Pursuit," how honesty was vital in his new relationship with his wife. How important has honesty been in your recovery? Have you needed help in identifying when you have been dishonest?

After years of being dominated by lust, this member is living life on a spiritual plane as a result of practicing the Program, with deep love for sponsorship.  In my early childhood, I dreamed that something great was going to happen in my life. These were childish fantasies—on the level of a big castle, beautiful nature all around, a "prince," and a rich, heavenly life. As a child, I believed in...

God uses him to carry the message of recovery through his musical gifts. My name is Winfried, and I come from Germany. I have been sober since February 14, 2013, thanks to God's grace.  I am an “amateur musician.” I always enjoyed improvising because there were no rules. I could play and press the keys that God showed me. Above all, it calmed me because there are no mistakes when I improvise. My p...

By presenting himself as he truly is, God meets him there with His love that transforms. It wasn’t on the mountaintop where God found me, but in the dust. Not in the polished image I tried to uphold, but in the disorder of my soul. Over these past three months of sobriety, I’ve come to understand something I once feared: that my weakness is not an obstacle to the sacred—it is the doorway to it.

He learned the difference between white-knuckling (reliance on self) and true surrender (reliance on God). When I was still deep in my addiction, I thought I knew how to interact with women: I performed, I craved, I hunted for the thrill of being wanted. I called it “romance” and “connection,” but really, I just wanted to be needed and admired. Lust, in every form, ran the show.

Daily Surrender, Steps 10-12 He learned the difference between white-knuckling (reliance on self) and true surrender (reliance on God). When I was still deep in my addiction, I thought I knew how to interact with women: I performed, I craved, I hunted for the thrill of being wanted. I called it “romance” and “connection,” but really, I just wanted to be needed and admired. Lust, in every form, ran...

2025 SA/S-Anon NW Regional Retreat I attended the SA/S-Anon NW Regional Retreat in Post Falls, Idaho. Gratefully, this was my fourth NW regional retreat, and as someone who lives on the opposite side of the country, each one has been a blessing. It was five years ago, at the suggestion of my then sponsor, that I got involved with SA meetings in Portland, OR, and I will be forever grateful for all...

Last Saturday, September 20, the Group LA LIBERACIÓN from Bogotá, Colombia, held a nine-hour marathon meeting—a space to share, laugh, and enjoy time together as a group.

A retreat full of fellowship, fun, and growth while discussing difficult topics that led to unity in making SA truly a place for men and women together.  Retreats are my favorite part of the SA program and a great way to meet fellows that I don’t normally see. This was my second retreat, and I enjoyed playing basketball, foosball, pool, ping pong, and cards until midnight (oh, and getting to grow...

Congratulations to Glenn P. for winning first place and to Yanif G. for winning second place in the Best Caption Contest. Both captions are featured in this printed edition.  Are you ready for another caption challenge? We invite you to craft the perfect recovery caption for the cartoon above, centered on February’s theme, “A Great Caution is Advised". If your caption wins, you will receive a prin...

Our next edition’s theme is “A Great Caution is Advised.”  This caution is in the White Book on page three, "We suggest that newcomers...not reveal their sexual past to a spouse or family member who does not already know of it, without careful consideration..." Similar caution is in the Big Book. Page 81 says, "If we are sure our wife does not know, should we tell her? Not always, we think." These...

  להיות חשופה לחלוטין לפני אלוהים עם נכונות רחבה שהוא יקח את הפגמים שלה נתן לה חוויה רוחנית הכרחית אני באס איי במשך חמש שנים, ואני מפוכחת שלוש שנים. עבדתי 12 הצעדים עם ספונסור שלי מתוך ספר צעד קדימה לפעולה. אני מודעת היטב שישנם עוד שיטות שמשתמשים בהן באס איי, אך אני יכולה להתייחס רק לסיפור שלי (שאני מניחה שהוא כנה מאד). זאת שיטה מפורטת, מחמירה עם חשבון נפש מעמיק, בעתים קרובות כואבת, אך מתגמלת עד מ...

  כנות מוחלטת עם עצמי הוא התרופה הטובה ביותר למחלה, מכיוון שהמחלה שלי נובעת מהכחשה - לשקר לעצמי ולאחרים. לפני התאווה, למדתי לפנטז ולהמציא סיפורים משעשעים. לקחתי את זה לחיי היומיום שלי כשגיליתי שאני יכול פשוט לשקר כדי להימנע מצרות או כדי להתמודד עם דברים לא נוחים

  הכוח העליון שלה נותן לה את האומץ למסור את כל חייה לרצון אלוהים כשאני שומעת את המילים "כנות בלתי מתפשרת", כל מיני דברים עולים לי בראש: להוציא את מה שבתוכי, לשתף עם אחרים, לכתוב צעדי 10, לעשות שיחות טלפון, ולשתף בכנות ובפתיחות בקבוצות. בהחלמה שלי, ברור לי היום שכל זה הכרחי לגמרי