ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

“He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.” My name is Levi and I’m a recovering sexaholic in central Nebraska in the USA. I have been sexually sober since July 20, 2017. 

“He will show you how to create the fellowship you crave.” My name is Levi and I’m a recovering sexaholic in central Nebraska in the USA. I have been sexually sober since July 20, 2017.  I am a sexaholic of the hopeless variety. Prior to SA, I tried all sorts of religious exercises, accountability, internet filters and therapy. These helped me stop many times, but I could never stay stopped. I att...

A letter of experience, strength, and hope to encourage the Fellowship. Dear friends, There is a strong message that was recently shared in our West African SA fellowship. It comes from Tradition Five in the White Book, page 209: “Each group (SA meeting) has but one primary purpose—to carry its message to the sexaholic who still suffers.” There is a deep meaning in this Tradition.

A powerful practice that prevents him from reverting to his past ways. Today everything felt serendipitous. I met a couple who were splendiferous. Ladyewell, near Preston, a Holy Shrine. I met a couple who gladdened my mind.

She discovered the two things that make up her self-esteem. I learned very early that life was all about being a good girl, pleasing, being obedient and nice. I was being raised to be a good wife in the style of those days. My parents, of course, were blameless, giving me everything they knew to shape me as they had been.

SA taught him that letting go of guilt was not only okay, but necessary Fear and shame were awaiting my entrance into the world. My grandmother was harassed and bullied for her parents’ financial struggles, language, skin color, and country of origin. So she resolved to protect her children from the same fate by refusing to pass down her native language, traditions, customs, or history, and insist...

An elder member in SA helped him see that he was addicted to himself. “You’re the most arrogant [person] I have ever met!” Although a more colorful word was used instead of “person,” this statement still saved my life. 

His gratitude list was the hammer that crushed his guilt and shame. I didn’t think I was fearful. I was a strong, tough male who had gotten in fights before and played contact sports like football, hockey, and rugby. So I thought that I wasn’t afraid of anything. Then, after completing my Fourth Step fears inventory and talking to my sponsor, I realized and admitted that the fabric of my life was...

With his sponsor’s help, he learned to deal with shame and guilt.  As we persist, a brand-new kind of confidence is born, and the sense of relief at finally facing ourselves is indescribable (Twelve and Twelve 50). 

Peter shares in his article that initial guilt is a healthy response for him. However, shame and lingering guilt were very detrimental to his long-term recovery. He needed to understand how these harmed his recovery and what he could do to move out of guilt and shame as soon as possible—so that he could continue on his journey. 

She found the freedom to choose in sobriety. Sobriety is a gift that your wise decisions give you. Sobriety is not limited to stopping sexual relations with another person or with yourself—that is only the beginning. Sobriety is having sanity in the face of life. It is exercising the self-control that already resides within you, that was given to you by your Higher Power to choose between what is...

SA helped her see more clearly how she was holding herself back from healing fully. I haven’t taken much time as of late to consider the role that trauma plays in my consistent relapses. I was abused sexually by my father at 13, and I had sexually abusive relationships from ages 19-22. I entered SA in July of 2021 without realizing my last relationship had ended with me being sexually assaulted. T...

A reflection on 30 years of working the Program reveals a life worth living.  Thirty years ago today, August 8th, 1995, I walked into a church, sat down in a room full of strangers, and said: “My name is Bill and I’m…” Thirty years ago today, I started on a journey called Recovery.

Step Nine showed him how to proceed without putting himself down.  I am Tim, from Brussels. I discovered I am a sexaholic about two years ago. After a summer of destructive acting out, a painful rock bottom, and therapy, it became clear that I needed help from a 12-Step program. It was a great relief. I have been addicted to lust since my teenage years without knowing it. However, I was fascinated...

Taking a look at himself and sharing what he found let the light of recovery shine on his shame.  An unknown SA member said, “If you want light, keep the curtains open. The curtains are made of selfishness.” I was not only driven by a hundred forms of fear, as the Big Book says, but also by a thousand forms of guilt and shame.

How the semicolon etched into his skin saved him from ending his life.   Bang! Bang! Bang! “Police! We have a search warrant!” It happened when I was 52, in the third decade of my marriage and teaching career. I carried with me lies and a lust-filled lens on life. Throughout my life, I had crossed so many lines that I had fried my moral compass, which led to a continuation of my sick habits. Howev...

Fusagasugá witnessed the 13th National Convention of SA Colombia. It was a meeting of souls, where hope blossomed, and unity became real.  There, I discovered that there are no broken people—only valuable human beings fighting against this painful disease. I felt the presence of our Higher Power everywhere. Every day, I fall more in love with SA.

A license plate reminds him that recovery is one day at a time. One day in the spring of 2024, I had an appointment with my eye doctor in Oshawa, Ontario (Canada). Parked right outside the office building was this motorcycle. I stood stock still for a moment, looking at the license plate—ODAAT—and the yellow bumper sticker above it—ONE DAY AT A TIME.

Congratulations to Gary L. for winning the Best Caption Contest with his caption, “Coming out from the shell is hard for me too.” He will receive a free copy of the October edition in the mail. Also, congratulations to Gene T. for winning second place with the caption, “Ma’am, could you please help me on these steps?” First and second place winners will have their captions featured in this edition...

Our next edition’s theme is “Rigorous Honesty.”  The first words in chapter five of the Big Book tell us that recovery is not possible without the capacity to be rigorously honest. What a wonderful gift to know that we can choose honesty for today, and if we are powerless over dishonesty, we can ask God to remove our dishonesty and gain honesty by helping others. We can also seek outside help. The...

  אלוהים העביר את הפחד שלה והחליף אותו עם אמונה שעובדת כל ימי חיי הייתי כל כך כבולה על ידי פחד, איבדתי תקווה לחופש. דרך עבודת הצעדים, אור מזהיר בחמימות מנחמת זרח לפתע בקצה המנהרה הקרה והחשוכה. אך בכל צעד, פחדים המשיכו לצוץ. השימוש בכלי הפשוט של חשבון הנפש ''פחד לאמונה'' עזר לי לכוון אותי שוב לאלוקים ולפתרון של הצעדים שניים ושלוש