ESSAY Magazine (An International Journal of Sexaholics Anonymous)

Dieses Mitglied reflektiert über die vielen Aspekte des Programms, die ihm geholfen  haben, seiner Partnerin nie eine vollständige Offenlegung zu geben.   Nach 41 Jahren Nüchternheit in der Genesung habe ich meiner Frau bis heute nie  meine vollständige AS-Geschichte offengelegt. Selbst jetzt frage ich mich, wie das  sein konnte.   Ich bin mir über den Grund nicht ganz sicher. Vielleicht hatte ich...

Die Kraft Gottes gab ihr Halt während des Albtraums, als sie von der Enthüllung erfuhr.  Ich kam im Januar 2022 zum ersten Mal zu AS. Ich wusste sofort, dass ich Menschen gefunden hatte, die mir helfen konnten, echte Nüchternheit zu finden.

Ein unerwarteter Moment der Liebe half seiner Frau, aus der Verzweiflung aufgrund der Enthüllung herauszufinden und auf Genesung zu hoffen. Auf Anraten unseres Eheberaters – bevor ich überhaupt zu AS kam – erzählte ich meiner Frau die Wahrheit über mein sexuelles Fehlverhalten. Er ermutigte mich zur Ehrlichkeit, obwohl er nicht das ganze Ausmaß meines Verhaltens kannte.

Au lieu de tout partager pour se libérer l'esprit, il a appris que s'il n'avait pas pratiqué les Étapes sur quelque chose, il ne devait pas en parler.  Quand je suis arrivé en SA, je voulais juste tout partager, me libérer de ce poids et me débarrasser de la culpabilité liée à ce que j'avais fait et aux endroits où j'avais été. Je suis vraiment reconnaissant d'avoir lu la mise en garde dans le Liv...

Ce membre réfléchit à tous les différents aspects du programme qui l'ont aidé à ne jamais tout dévoiler à son être cher.  Après 41 ans de sobriété dans le cadre de mon rétablissement, je n'ai toujours pas révélé entièrement mon histoire de dépendant sexuel à ma femme. Même aujourd'hui, je me demande comment cela a pu arriver.

Un moment d'amour inattendu a aidé sa femme à passer du désespoir causé par la révélation à l'espoir d'un rétablissement.  Sur les conseils de notre conseiller conjugal, avant même d'entrer dans le programme SA, j'ai dit à ma femme la vérité sur mes écarts sexuels. Il m'a encouragé à être honnête, même s'il ne connaissait pas toute l'étendue de mon comportement. Nous avons fait en sorte que les en...

Rigorous honesty is the gateway to recovery in SA. At first, I thought that admitting the full extent of my problem and sharing my real history were impossible. What would others think? During Step Five, I confessed a long-held secret to my sponsor. I had expected an overly dramatic moment, but he didn’t overreact, and I also didn’t feel an overwhelming sense of relief. Instead, I felt the simple...

Dear ESSAY, I wanted to compliment you and your staff on the October Issue. Well done! The graphics are outstanding, and the composition of text and graphics is very impactful. The representation of our fellowship with articles from mixed sources, women, men, and international contributors is impressive and encouraging. It really is an impressive magazine. Again, well done!

My sponsor suggested that I periodically follow up with the professionals to give them an update on how the Fellowship is doing. Sometimes, this meant calling them again to give them a verbal update, but often it meant sending them an email update. I use the BCC line for these group emails. Again, I give permission to share these emails with anyone who needs them. I have gotten calls from potentia...

This member shares how following the “no crosstalk” guidelines fosters real respect for all the members in the meeting.  Over my 25 years in the Program, the opening of a meeting always includes a request that there be no crosstalk. I have learned that crosstalk is giving advice to others who have already shared.  I am reminded that I speak in the “‘I,’ not ‘we’ or ‘you’” (SA 186 ).

He practices trusting truth from an infinite and caring God rather than trusting in finite, lying fears. I get a thought. The thought produces feelings. I react to the feelings. The thought was a lie.

The Steps replace the addictive process with a Program of recovery.  This happened almost 20 years ago, when I was just beginning this recovery Program. On my way to work, I was driving slowly when the vehicle behind me suddenly sped up and hit my car. It was a very minor collision, but I thought, “I can take advantage of this and get some money out of it. I’ll just say that he damaged the entire...

This member embodies the honesty necessary to make this amends from the heart.  To every brother in SA who has treated me with respect and kindness, who notices the discomfort of being the only woman in an SA meeting or event, to those who strive every day to make SA a safe place for us, to those who have treated me like their daughter or sister, to the loving brothers who welcomed me in SA—thank...

Her sponsor helped her admit deep resentment towards her adoptive mother.  Rigorous is “an adjective that means extremely thorough, exhaustive, or accurate.” Rigorous honesty is a commitment to complete truthfulness in all aspects of life, even when it's difficult or has consequences. Phew. To become rigorously honest is a process that develops through the recovery process. This addict had no clue...

Honesty helps him take the Steps with sincerity of heart. Honesty starts with my heart. My head is going to think of all kinds of reasons to dodge the truth. When I was trapped in addiction, I listened to my head for reasons and excuses to continue to act out. I followed my head, but my heart was unsettled. With grace from my Higher Power, I found SA and began following my heart. My connection wit...

Higher Power gives her the courage to turn her whole life over to the will of God.  When I hear the words “rigorous honesty,” all kinds of things go through my mind: bringing the inside out, sharing with others, writing Tenth Step inventories, making phone calls, and sharing honestly and sincerely in meetings. In my recovery, it has already become clear that this is absolutely necessary. 

He learned through the Program to be honest in every area of his life. Rigorous honesty with myself is the best medicine for the disease because my disease comes out of denial—lying to myself and others. Before lust, I learned to fantasize and make up fun stories. I took that into my daily life when I discovered I could just lie to avoid trouble or to deal with uncomfortable things.

Completely exposed before God with a willingness for Him to take away her defects gave her a vital spiritual experience.  I have been in SA for five years, and am three years sober. I have been working through the 12 Steps with my sponsor, from the Step Into Action book. I am well aware that there are other methods in practice in SA, but I can only relate my own story (which I guess is rigorous ho...

His Step One was seeing reality for the first time without the lies and admitting to himself that he was addicted.  Rigorous honesty means the ability to share a feeling or situation with another person in a truly unbiased statement of fact. Addicts like to gloss over and shade the truth of events and characterize them from their point of view without consideration for the other party or the reali...

He stood at the turning point of his inventory and abandoned himself to God through complete honesty.  Hi guys, I'm Abhinav, a grateful recovering lust addict and sexoholic, sober today one day at a time (ODAAT)  from August 15 of this year by the grace of God.  I started my journey with SA in April 2023, when a close person in my faith tradition suggested I attend a Twelve-Step program for my com...

Practicing rigorous honesty has enabled him to grow in integrity in every area of his life.  When I was in a treatment centre to deal with my addictions, they asked me to write down three words I would want to be written on my tombstone. I wrote Honest, Courageous, and Loyal. In writing this, I realized that honesty was at the root of all three. When I pledged to be rigorously honest, it meant I p...

He found he could give himself entirely to this program on a solid foundation of honesty.  When we read “How it Works” from the AA Big Book, I am encouraged by how little stands between me and recovery! Even being gravely emotionally and mentally disordered is not an obstacle (whew!). The one condition? To give myself to “this simple program” of the Steps.  

Roland mentions in his article, "The Pursuit," how honesty was vital in his new relationship with his wife. How important has honesty been in your recovery? Have you needed help in identifying when you have been dishonest?

After years of being dominated by lust, this member is living life on a spiritual plane as a result of practicing the Program, with deep love for sponsorship.  In my early childhood, I dreamed that something great was going to happen in my life. These were childish fantasies—on the level of a big castle, beautiful nature all around, a "prince," and a rich, heavenly life. As a child, I believed in...

God uses him to carry the message of recovery through his musical gifts. My name is Winfried, and I come from Germany. I have been sober since February 14, 2013, thanks to God's grace.  I am an “amateur musician.” I always enjoyed improvising because there were no rules. I could play and press the keys that God showed me. Above all, it calmed me because there are no mistakes when I improvise. My p...