Eskimo Brothers

Yeah, the heat has us limping to the end of pride month and by heat, we mean the entire Miami basketball team. We get to talking road rage stories. Pirates were the first guys with game. “That booty so fine imma put it in a chest and bury it. Imma draw a map and folkannem won’t find it for a thousand years. That’s how much I love that booty.” The dragon from shrek; would you? This one is particula...

We know ball. DWade and Gabby are raising them right. Jill Taylor will chub you. Eskimo Bros guarantee. And whaddya know, evil hippies keep getting more evil. Stay away from the wools, kids. You might end up in a porta-potty. Do y’all ever get down on all 4’s in the shower and pretend you’re a bear catching salmon?

Normally it’s a non issue, but capitalism is so lame rn… they’re already making a live action Moana. America is about industry, cranking out hits, making money, fucking bitches; not baking cookies on the job for TikTok. RIP Daveigh Chase. If we’d have known you got down like that we would have had you on the podcast. Ace stops by to hang dong and show off his jewelry. Shout out Benny The Cannabus.

Madelyn Cline and Amanda Seyfried and Ana De Armas and Kate Beckinsale and Emma Stone and Kat Dennings and Zooey Deschanel and Kyra Sedgwick and Michelle Pfeifer and Goldie Hawn and Kate Hudson and Joseph Gordon Levitt and Kate Mara and Rooney Mara and Shakira and…

The Juneteenth X Pride collab you’ve all been waiting for.. Jon is back. RIP Trevor Moore. Big Mike swung the hog and Josh Hokit no longer fights for the UFC. For some reason, it always gets to us tanning our behind-hole. Idk. We got to telling stories such as the time Magic Boy and BB’s sister punched Magic Boy in the testicles on an active news segment. Frosted Tips and Allen Iverson jerseys. Ta...

“Just like a young girl should.” Yikes Mick Jagger, yikes. Selena Gomez’ nose keeps growing because she’s living a lie; BENNY BLANCO IS NOT HOT. Publix is rich guy bullshit. They don’t even have women with T-Rex arms greeting you at the door. One time, our sister was in the hospital and she walked by a sweet little girl wearing a safety helmet. She walked right up to that sweet water head and got...

We get to talking the different types of male lengthening surgeries. If you’re a tweaker, or a crackhead, in the middle Tennessee area, Magic Boy’s place of employment will hire you. In the spirit of pride month, we have our first guest, Elijah. A.k.a. Elijah_gravy on IG. You know young heartbreak? Where you’re cheating, so y’all take a break; then she’s cheating, but not technically, since you’re...

Shout out Kenny Hoggers. “You gotta to know when to hold ‘em…” Ben Affleck as Batman was a fucking joke. Magic Boy KNOWS where squirt comes from. These nerds are getting out of pocket. Wtf is up with age regressors? S/o the pushers and the pullers of the world; keep doing your thing. Sam Levinson is weird af. What would you do if you got arrested and your diaper was full?

Hard-Arrgghhhh, y’all mateys hiring? Guess what? It’s still pride month. We love our gay ass friends and we want that to be crystal queer. In a perfect world, we would have special assistants like the women who bathe you in Red Dead. Gina Davis is not hot; Get real. Shout out that Chinese influencer dog who was stolen, sold for 27 dollars and then eaten in a kung-fu fashion. We’re not being insens...

Magic Boy got his tampon string caught in his lady parts. Spaceman bees in the trap at the Music City Fit’ness D*** expo. Shout out Eddie Hall. Shout out Brian Shaw: grip expert. Said his grip is so strong he can pick up 90 pound hockey pucks with his posterior. Who remembers Pepsi Nitro? A couple of beer connoisseurs, “somaligays” if you will, get to talking hops and nitrogen. Sounds like estroge...

We get to talking Eastern Medicine; Herbs, Tinctures, Testicles. Miles Davis is forever. Spaceman saved Magic Boy’s culo today. If you see him out and about, give him flowers. S/o Aussies, specifically Siggy Retts. Hanta God, Bill gates needs to quit releasing diseases on us. Ticks, rats, bats, oh my.

WE’RE COMING AT YOU HARD ALL MONTH LONG BABY. IT’S AN EXTRA WET PODCAST. Sometimes, Spaceman wishes he was just a little ant. “We all do it the saaaaaaame” Big brothers are the worst. Cynthia Erivo is Jesus. Steven Seagal is god. ME WAN DA POONANI.

Walmart is Chinese and Kroger is Japanese, both oriental in nature. If you’ve been following along the last 2 weeks, BB’s car still isn’t fixed. “That’s Charley with an E like Pride, Crockett with two T’s like Davy.” Big shout out to Widow’s Bay. July 1st, the THCA reckoning will commence. We say good riddance to that fufu lame shid.

We want to get to the bottom of mimes and mime culture… seems like a lot of trauma wrapped up in that. It’s actually alarming how mentally impaired most people are getting… not that we’re geniuses. Casa Bonita, CASA BONITA. Spaceman has spoken and he’s grown tired of Hitler. Stop and save the turtles.

BB is dealing with tire troubles What did everyone get for Memorial Day? Did the ghosts of veterans bring happy tidings? Rebellious. Essence.. look her up lmao Project Hail Mary; tell us how it ends? We only watch movies halfway through We’re on Apple and Spotify. With that said, we are promptly taking our podcast off of Spotify in protest of…something? Idk.

We had James Hetfield stop by the studio at the very top. Didn’t realize he was gay. James Franco is back and we are aroused and confused. Thomas Hayden Church is everywhere… Tires, George of the Jungle. Everywhere. Sorry for the delay; We gave Producer Gaymie the holiday weekend and he scooted on up to the Poconos. Happy Memorial Day, babies.

S/o Posh Spice that little working-class asshole. We have some gripes with the Amish stores of the world.. Why are there lights and point of sale systems? Why aren’t there women delivering more workers in the back? Where are the dirt floors? James Brown was and probably still is the greatest performer. LiViN iN aMeRiCa. “It’s actually incredibly masculine to have sex with men.” Direct quote from A...

We’re talking Bill Cosby, we’re talking Harvey Weinstein, we’re talking Clavicular. Everyone who isn’t mixed in the near future is fucked. It is what it is. Accept it. Elton John, A knight fighting for those with aids. Pass it on. These mfs are really talking about pardoning Ghislaine. Clarksville, come get your honkey.

We had Terrence sit in today; He’s a diesel mechanic, rock climber, slack liner, welder, fabricator of reality, haver of hot sisters, good lover, giant hogged etc. Shout out Tom the Uber driver Word on the transcendental yoga/nihilism/alien/chakra scene is that if you’re going to a Tool show you’re supposed to do acid and cocaine… that’s very enlightened.

SSRIs are helping men in the bedroom of all places. We came to the unfortunate conclusion that pirates were the theater kids of their time. If you were a green beret, how would you kill your wife? We’ve officially jumped the golden calf; Mar-A-Lago is the capital of Soddom and Gomorrah.

“I’m rubber, you’re tree; you cut me down, I’ll bounce off of you and eat your ass.” ESPN stats to get behind: In one season, Tyreik Hill had more children than receiving touchdowns. On a scale of, “How many children do I have” from Eric Clapton to Nick Cannon, where does NBA Youngboy fall? “If my sons can be daughters then my dog can run my business.” - Some white girl bigot probably. You know th...

We get to talking biblical-level disease today: The plague, leprosy, adultery, being Jewish etc. Colostomy bags… are we feeling them? Are we vibing? Neil Degrasse Tyson vs. Stephen Hawking: A battle of the brain. Heavy foot coverage today from two of the sexiest boys on the pod. Tune in freaks.

The Eskimo Bros get a little nihilistic. Magic Boy was absent being gay somewhere. Politics: the ultimate cash grab. The ultimate ass-blast. BB and Spaceman just wanna give it all up and become a couple of homosteaders. Tune in to see if they’ve got what it takes to plow, to squeeze, to cross pollinate.

Seems Spaceman didn’t get recorded. On a real note I do apologize for all of the recent fuck ups. On a fake note, you’re gay. Shout out to Clavicular. Sounds like he’s gonna be doing some Butthole-maxxing. We go over the lyrics to “Thrift Shop” and they are probably not what you remember.