Enough Wicker: Intellectualizing the Golden Girls

Rose takes up painting and obviously, she can't paint a horse from memory, so asks someone to accompany her to the racetrack. Blanche, despite having a pass to the jockey's lounge, can't make it--largely because she's working her new boss Donald for 12 hours a week at the museum--so Dorothy hesitantly agrees to go. Unfortunately, one good day of picking winners reignites a vicious gambling problem...

Beloved by oldster fans of the Golden Girls and beginners alike , the Girls are hot and heavy at the wedding of Dorothy's god-daughter to the grandson of Giuseppe Mangiacavallo, Sophia's once betrothed and now multi-millionaire. Dorothy and Blanche work through some deep-seated stuff that will continue to come up again and again, and we learn that Rose is peeping the priests' buns!  Meanwhile...

So Glen, how come you cheated on your wife?  Glen O'Brien, Dorothy's old and formerly married flame, is back--only this time he's played by Jerry Orbach. The two have such magnetic chemistry, but ultimately, Dorothy must choose herself. Meanwhile, a couple of fraudsters prey on the old and the gullible at the mall and Blanche & Sophia lose thousands of dollars--what a load of fun! 

In this all-time favorite, Blanche's sister Charmaine and Stan's cousin Magda are both in Miami at the same time. Charmaine and Blanche appear to be getting along--a surprise for Hollingsworth siblings--until Blanche is convinced Charmaine borrowed her life story and sexual escapades for her book. Meanwhile, Magda butts heads with all of the other Girls, but most strongly with Dorothy, on the meri...

Buzz Mueller, Rose's 'one that got away' is in town! The snappy-dressing showman sweeps Rose off her feet and wants to bring her on tour with his band. Despite things going well with Miles, Rose considers it and asks if it is possible to love two men at the same time. Meanwhile, Sophia is hanging out with the wrong crowd and Dorothy firmly objects after a night that starts with Blanche's friend Mr...

In a very special episode, we are joined by the only man to ever put his own head on Fifi's body, Chris Gallo of OhShuptUpRose.com and Golden Girls Posters ! We start by talking about all of Chris' Golden Girls-related projects and then jump into one of his favorite episodes, Scared Straight. We cover everything from Phil Petrillo's significance to whether or not Rose would have actually said "Cla...

In this frequently-referenced and celebrated episode, Rose learns she may have contracted HIV through a blood transfusion years ago. Our main focus is the the 72 hours, hence the title, between getting tested and receiving the results. This is an incredibly powerful episode even today but especially at the time it aired. There is a throughline of de-stigmatizing HIV/AIDS and a poignant scene where...

Barrett and Kay from So Good We Named It are here to help us cut those ribbons at Piggly Wiggly! Yes, it's another Hurricane Saturday, as the four of us discuss episode 120 of the Golden Girls, An Illegitimate Concern. David shows up out of nowhere and borderline stalks Blanche, who at first (naturally) finds it flattering, but then is hit harder with reality than Rose is with the Metro Section wh...

Blanche has to get a pacemaker put in and is overwhelmed with the fear and anxiety that comes with that. Also, because it's Blanche, physical health=sexuality, so the effect is even deeper. Each of the other girls offers support in their own ways, the most memorable being Rose's World War I lullaby. 

Sophia's memories are fading and so she and Dorothy make a trip up to Brooklyn, where, thanks to a pretty rude version of Sal's ghost and a few sentimental visuals, it all (kind of) comes back. Meanwhile, Blanche accuses Rose of sex discrimination and bolsters the case that the two of them are maybe not meant to work together. 

The government is being kinder, gentler, and supplying Sophia with an extra $170K in social security checks, Blanche is using a rented Mercedez as a way to meet men, and Miles' daughter Caroline is being a real B to Rose, who is just trying to make his birthday special. This three-plot episode has a ton of great lines and doesn't require too much analysis. 

Rose signs up for a positive thinking group where the leader won't even tell her she's special. Dorothy buys it for a minute, but a good order of lunch meat and a few days later, she and Melanie Griffith are off it. Meanwhile, Blanche goes back and forth with a new flame but is scared out of making a real commitment when he runs into a health issue and plunges into a bit of self-referential deep t...

Mary, who we've never seen before and never will again, shows up on the Girls' doorstep k-nocked up and svingle. Apparently, she's known them all her life, as they were all very close with her late mother. Fine. Dorothy is able to impart some experience-based wisdom on both Mary and her estranged father, using a St. Olaf story in a moment of desperation. Meanwhile, the fire of Blanche's loins show...

In this holiday-themed episode, the Girls pull names (whose names are they gonna be anyway?!) out of a hat for a gift exchange and decide since they all stand an equal chance to have their Christmas ruined by receiving a nonrefundable yodel lesson, it's a fair way to do gifts. Meanwhile, Stan hits rock bottom and totally loses perspective, unable to recognize the privileges life has affo...

Big Daddy, Blanche's beloved--if wildly problematic--father has died.  Rue McClanahan delivers a powerhouse of an emotional performance as Blanche works through grief, and we're reminded that Dorothy Zbornak is one hell of a pal & a confidante. Meanwhile, Sophia turns the Girls' home into a guest house for clumsy tourists who have no respect for commemorative plates.

Michael is in town and he is at his most insufferable! Dorothy, encouraged by Blanche, challenges Michael to "grow up" and take control of his life. Eventually, Stan and Sophia see she's right and they all hit him with a bit of "rough love." Meanwhile, Rose is overworked and confronts her boss Enrrrrrique Mas, who because he is an absolute gem of an employer, hears her and heeds the call. 

Dorothy is emotionally rocked when an old high school friend Helen Colquist, known to some as the fat woman with a wooden leg and a hairless cat named Cincinnati Jake, died during a visit to Miami before the two of them could get together. As she goes through her yearbook, Dorothy is shocked to find how many of her classmates have died (fun, fun, fun!) and comes to a realization that she must try...

George's younger brother is in town and Blanche, forgetting how much Jamie looks and sounds like George, has fantasies of becoming Mrs. Blanche Devereaux. Meanwhile, Sophia commits grand theft auto using the phonebook as a booster seat. 

TW: Talk of suicide and suicidal thoughts.  In one of the heaviest episodes of the series, Sophia's friend Martha contemplates ending her life as she fears what is to come as she ages. Meanwhile, the rest of the girls give an iconic performance of Mr. Sandman as they babysit little Frank, whose fever is concerningly high.  If you are struggling with suicidal thoughts or in crisis, the Na...

Rose, Miles is here! This episode features the return of Harold Gould aka Arnie aka Nicholas Carbone aka Miles Webber, who is Rose's partner at the ballroom. They have physical chemistry--he dips her all evening--but Rose is intellectually intimidated by his college professor friends. Meanwhile, Sophia charges for dances and Blanche tries to work off her "excess sexual energy" with the most tediou...

Didn't they almost have it all! In this one, Dorothy is dating a top Miami lawyer™ played by TV Great, Dick Van Dyke. Their chemistry is so palpable, that she even contemplates life as Mrs. KennethWhittingham, but ultimately, Ken's choice to switch from lawyering 70 hours a week to performing with Ringling Brothers illuminates that there's something just not there for the two. Meanwhile, Rose moti...

In this one, Rose asks Enrrrrrique Mas to help her out with an age discrimination case after losing Charlie's pension and ends up with something even better--a job as a production assistant! Meanwhile, Sophia uses her Shopper's Warehouse card to buy toothbrushes, oatmeal cookies, and sardines. 

Oh boy, we're going to a sperm bank! Blanche's daughter Rebecca is back in town with big news: she's getting impregnated on Monday! Blanche, who spent her mothering years screaming for the governess for nothing, feels betrayed, confused, and infuriated by Becky's decision...to take control of her own life. The rest of the girls coach her through it, but not before a classic universal "ewwwww" to a...

We're up and running in Season 5!  In the two-part season premiere, we find Dorothy, an otherwise healthy woman whose only medical woes were once digesting raw vegetables and a cracking jaw, feeling exhausted, sick, and frustrated that no doctor seems to believe she has a real, medical problem. This storyline represents Susan Harris, the creator of The Golden Girls, and her own struggle to ge...

In a less-than-thrilling send-off to an excellent Season 4, Mr. Yakamora, a wanna-be real estate mogul (played by the late, great Ralph Ahn), makes a wildly high offer on Blanche's house. The Girls contemplate the realities of moving, Rose and Sophia most fearful, and reminisce about their musical escapades, the relatives that have stayed with them, and more. It's a decent slip show with a pretty...