Enough Wicker: Intellectualizing the Golden Girls

We made it! We break down the very satisfying, very funny, very sad finale of the greatest television of all time, The Golden Girls. Thank you for being our friend and sticking with us! You've inspired us more than you'll never know <3

Before we get to the final episode of the greatest television of all time, we chat about our process and pull highlights from our copious notes.

The Girls crash a local high school reunion with assumed identities such as the ever-popular prom queen Cindy Lou Peeples and the class B Susan Armstrong. While it seems like a load of fun, things quickly take a turn when Rose is rushed to the hospital with a cardiac emergency. Kierstan, who apparently lives in Miami now (?) comes by, Blanche finds Jesus while entertaining her daughter and grandda...

Blanche convinces Rose that Miles has the wandering eye, and that the only way to quell it is with a nudie photoshoot. Dorothy bumps into a former student who offers her a cushy job with a big salary, but she simply cannot part with the driver's ed cones.

In the final cross over with Empty Nest and Nurses , officially called Full Moon over Miami, all hell has broken loose at Blanche's moonlight madness party. Men are totally ignoring her, except for Derek ah...sumpin, they're all over Dorothy, Miles and Rose might get married, and Sophia is out here trippin rabbis. A wild romp that ends with everyone just accepting that the moon makes peopl...

Dorothy is perfectly content watching Amazing Discoveries (it just shucks it off!) but Blanche insists she come down to The Rusty Anchor and meet some men. Dorothy ends up bringing the house down with a 'little ditty' that sends Blanche into a green with envy (or maybe magenta with envy?) tailspin. Meanwhile, Sophia, Blanche and Rose plan Sophia's live wake.

Angelo and Rose accidentally get Dorothy and Stan into some hot water regarding their rental property. Meanwhile, Mama needs a new pair of shoes!

Dorothy and Blanche audition for Jeopardy, but Blanche doesn't know where the Ural Mountains are and Dorothy has studied everything under the sun, including the St. Olaf High Yearbook. Meanwhile, in one of the teariest tearjerkers of all time, the girls get Rose a dog to raise her spirits, which she gifts to a widower who lost his wife not hours before.

Dorothy finally beds a Beatle. Or, at least an incredible simulation. Meanwhile, Blanche aggressively pursues a very very tall gentleman.

Hello, Mr. Gordon! In an all-time fav, Dorothy's high school teacher, whom she had a massive crush on, is in Miami. She hopes to impress him by sharing her views on women's issues on a local TV Show booked by A+ TV producer Rose, aka Harold Goldstein.

Creepy Thor Anderson is here from St. Olaf after saving up for the bus fare and maybe low-key stalking Rose. Meanwhile, Sophia answers a personal ad, thinks she's caught up in sex games, but is actually witnessing the heartbreaking reality of a wife trying to prepare her husband for her imminent death. What a load of fun!

The Pope is in Miami and Sophia is hellbent on getting a papal blessing for her sick friend, Agnes. So hellbent, in fact, that she steals a jewel-encrusted ring steeped in history to make her point. Meanwhile, Blanche gives Roes the gift of suspicion with a detective in the bushes.

B̶e̶n̶,̶ ̶B̶o̶b̶,̶ Bill! Bill is back from the war and really looking to get back on track with his serious relationship. The problem is, Blanche, whom he's been pining for the whole time he's deployed, doesn't remember him. Meanwhile, Sophia uses Rose as an estate attorney and is hoarding more than just gold teeth.

It's spooky season and what better way to celebrate than some Grammy-haunted windchimes! The girls help Blanche say goodbye to her [definitely racist] Grammy's plantation outside Atlanta. Meanwhile, Sophia dies for a minute and comes back with a life wish.

We're back on track and discussing Mile$ and his frickin frugality! Meanwhile, Dorothy leaves Sophia in Blanche's care as she goes on a romantic cruise for 3 days--just enough time to make it to a remote village in Sicily and get back to Miami.

What better way to celebrate the anniversary of the Golden Girls Premier than a conversation with pop culture author, TV expert, and all-around pal & confidante, Jim Colucci! We talk to Jim about his own connection to the show, the process of writing Golden Girls Forever, which has become a must-have for any fan of the show, and his appreciation for the art of sitcom. Plus, we hear about Jim&#...

If you've been a Scandinavian knit-wit living in a closet and haven't heard, Sarah wrote a book! A.K.A. Lucy: The Dynamic and Determined Life of Lucille Ball is out on October 10. We discuss the tie-ins of I Love Lucy and Lucille Ball & The Golden Girls with Jim Negri, a Lucy & GG expert, and Charlie Cizek, better known as the genius behind the hilarious Instagram account, ShadyPin...

There's a hurricane a-coming! Specifically, Hurricane Saturday, NBC's epic crossover event. This episode features the McKinley Lighthouse (RIP), poor Gloria (literally), Stan and FiFi, Bea Arthur's real-life son, and so much more. You'll love it, or our names aren't Dan and Morothy.

We're back!! In this one, Rose goes out with a jerk who dates men and women, Blanche tries to deflower a priest, and we see young Dorothy, young Stan, and a red-headed Sophia! Not a top-tier episode, but lots to discuss! 

In the last episode before our summer hiatus, we explore a clown-fearing mama's boy and Stan's transference of his mother's love and rejection to Sophia. Enjoy it with a cake that's sweetened with natural fruit juices & some moist tea!

Sophia eats some cantaloupe and pretends to be possessed by Charlie in a mean joke that really damages Rose's relationship with Miles (who, btw, is back from Amish Country and still going by Miles). Meanwhile, Blanche coaches Stevie, a baseball player with some unconventional methods, and Dorothy writes a letter to her dead father. PS. It's pride month! Support your local drag queen (and t...

Dorothy is putting together a family history for her grandkids and learns, despite Sophia's best efforts, that her mother was betrothed to a man named Guido! Huge reveal! Meanwhile, good two shoes Rose calls the City on Blanche when she plans to install a hot tub. 

Sophia sneezed and blew herself off a stool, resulting in two sprained ankles! Dorothy hires a nurse, and while she resists at first, Sophia becomes quite fond of her (not in that way). Meanwhile, Blanche parades her grandaughter around at a child beauty pageant where not a one kid seems to be having fun and one might actually set herself on fire.

The Girls head to the Maltese Falcon Club to participate in a Murder Mystery Weekend. Blanche is competing against Posey McGlinn for a promotion, and also maybe a romantic relationship with her boss? Sophia cops an entire place set, Dorothy solves the mystery, and Rose not only figures out what a maître d' is, but also gets back at Blanche for stealing her earrings! What a load of fun! 

We're back and we're entering the final season! Dorothy needs a hearing aid, Sophia might be a Jew for Jesus, and Charlie may have slept with Blanche Elizabeth Devereaux while he was visiting Miami.