Durable Dad with Tommy Geary

Men have a list of things to worry about. Take your pick: - Are you saving enough money? - Will your kids turn out okay? - Will your kids have fond memories of you? - Are you failing in your career? If you really pay attention and listen to the voice in your head, it’s probably worrying. A lot.  Yet, worrying is the most useless action we can take.  Today’s episode will teach you how to use the wo...

School probably taught you how to read and write, but skipped over how to handle bad news, failure, or disappointment. This is where stoicism comes in.  Stoicism teaches us how to handle the difficult things in life.  One of THE hardest skills to develop is to focus on what’s in our control rather than what’s out of our control.  It’s a core principle of stoicism, and discerning and focussing on w...

One dad told me, “I wake up at 4:57 each morning, put on my pants, and go nonstop until 9pm when I watch 30 minutes of Netflix and crash. Then I wake up and do it again.” And I think 99% of dads can relate. The list of todos is exhausting. At least some days.  That feeling’s not going to go away unless we make a few changes.  The first is to take ownership of our situation. There is no “have to,”...

Use this podcast episode when you’re part way through any course, season, or year of your life, and you want to regroup and make the second half a win.  It’s a strategic pause. A time to huddle at half time so you can plan out the second half and finish strong. Currently, we’re halfway through summer – We only get 18 of them with our kids.  And often, we let it blow by and realize we didn’t make t...

It feels like a reasonable thought to not want your kid to fail – To not want them to be disappointed.  BUT, that leaves us over-advising before and after their games, and trying to minimize their crushed spirits when they lose. Since disappointment is an unavoidable emotion, it’s more helpful to teach our kids how to manage it rather than avoid it. Listen to today’s episode to help you lower the...

The opposite of ownership is the victim mindset.  And even the best of us slip into it sometimes. If our kids would friggen listen. If our employee would... If the city would... If our wife would... It feels frustrating because we want to control something that's out of our control. Listen to today's episode to learn how to spot when you've dropped into a victim mindset, and how to...

When it comes to our dads, I see guys fall into one of three camps: My dad wasn’t around. My dad was around, but he wasn’t a great dad. I strive to be more like my dad. Or maybe you’re a blend of two of the above.  No matter which camp you fall into, that father/son relationship is driving your actions today.  That’s why you want to take a look, and make sure you’ve got a helpful perspective fueli...

As men, here's where we tend to get visualization wrong: 1. We don’t do it. Visualization is a powerful tool, but like a brand new drill we let sit in the unopened box, the tool goes unused. 2. We picture the past that we don’t want to repeat. The future holds every possibility. We make the mistake of narrowing it down to what happened last time. 3. We fixate on a future we're afraid of...

If life is a game, how do you want to perform? And like any game, we gotta practice.  We can’t expect to play at a high level if we don’t put in the work outside of game time.  And it doesn’t take much.  Here are the top 3 drills you can run that’ll allow you to win in the game of life: ☝️ BREATH WORK. It’s a quick hack to lower the intensity of your emotions. ✌️ WATCH YOUR GAME FILM. Reflect on h...

We’re all playing a game.  👉 Maybe it’s the finance game.  👉 Maybe it’s the “I’m right, you’re wrong” game.  👉 Maybe it’s the happiness game – If I’m happy and feeling good, I’m winning. But none of those games are the competition that really matters. What really matters is the relationship game.  If your marriage isn’t great, if your kids don’t want to be around you, it doesn’t matter how much...

Did you know there are no straight lines in nature? Our brains are more visually stimulated in the forest than they are in our living room.  That’s one of the thousands of reasons it feels so friggen good to be in nature. And the longer we’ve been in our hustle-bustle-live-inside-the-box world, the more likely we are to flip out at our kids or stress out at work. Nature is a hack to more patience...

Psychologists describe anger as a secondary emotion.  There’s always a primary emotion that’s driving the anger. Picture an iceberg – Anger is just at the tip. Another emotion is beneath the surface that’s causing your anger to bubble up.  So if you notice yourself getting triggered easily, check in to see what’s really going on.  Here’s what most men are experiencing beneath the surface: Stress S...

Are you the master of your phone or vice versa? It’s an incredible tool, but it distracts us from our kids and interrupts our productivity. And it takes some vigilance to rise above the masses, rise above the marketing and media, so that our phones serve us rather than the other way around.  Today's episode of the Durable Dad podcast will help you to manage your urges around your phone.  You’...

A midlife crisis happens when we stop feeling excited about life. But it's really just a calling – A calling to change or do something different.  It's the start of what Joseph Campbell calls your "Hero's Journey."  When you answer the calling and embark on the adventure to make a change, you start to feel more alive.  You'll hit challenges, discomfort, probably over...

If you feel isolated, you’re not the only one.  We don’t make friends as easily as we did in high school and college.  Yet, having guys at your back – guys you can count on – is something every man can use in his life.  To talk about real stuff – below the surface conversations.  To check in when things are rough.  All men need that.  Today’s episode talks about the benefits of fellowship vs frien...

Learning to say you’re sorry is one of the best tools you can have in your tool belt. Because we all screw up. Especially with our kids. If we learn how to apologize, not only do we build trust and respect with our kids, but we model what it means to own up to our mistakes.  Today, I’m going to cover five rules that’ll help you apologize effectively: 1: It’s never too late. 2: Don’t do it while yo...

Our calendars reflect our priorities. So take a look at your calendar – Is it full of appointments that matter? For most guys, what matters more than anything is your relationship with your wife and kids. Quality time with your family. But if you're like most guys, that time is tough to squeeze in on a regular basis. We let soccer games, work meetings, and our phones get in the way.  This pod...

Why do some of us avoid conflict? Especially with our wife? The main reason is because we look at conflict as a competition.  We wanna be right. And if we’re not going to be right, then we avoid the conversation altogether.  This doesn’t strengthen the relationship.  Today's episode will teach you 4 ways to communicate better with your spouse and CONNECT when there’s a disagreement: Don’t loo...

"Life was easier without my wife and kids." This thought might bubble up, especially when your to-do list is overwhelming and work pressure is high. It's an urge to go back to simpler times with less responsibilities and less people to take care of.  It's not a thought men are proud of. Not something they talk about. Yet, talking about it and giving it some airtime is usually t...

Money can't buy happiness. We know, we know, we know.  YET, our brains (and social media) talk us out of this wisdom daily. Hourly.  Today's episode of the Durable Dad podcast will take you closer to that freedom of needing less.  It's not about making less money. It's NEEDING less that feels good. A lot of men create their own pressure just by wanting more. Tune in to loosen t...

Imposter syndrome feels like shit. Fear. Pressure. That feeling like everyone’s gonna realize you don’t deserve to be where you’re at.  It’s not a helpful place to be.  BUT, it’s also not a bad place to be. It means you’re challenging yourself.  Imposter syndrome is a good sign that you’re evolving, but we don’t want to stay there. We wanna smile at it, and move past it.  I give you a few steps on...

The opposite of emotional agility is emotional rigidity – When we stiffen up against an emotion, causing it (and us) to get stuck.  Think: procrastination, over-thinking or a bad mood. Emotional agility allows a man to experience something bad and bounce back to a productive state two minutes later.  But before we can get there, we need to know what’s going on below our head.  Most guys are great...

What do you do when your wife is clearly overreacting? When she’s being illogical or “crazy.” It’s easy to throw up our hands and walk away. Or just get pissed. But the truth is, that makes the situation worse.  Your wife is having a hard time in those moments. She might not communicate it in the most adult-like way, but she can use some support. It’s an opportunity to get closer and strengthen th...

The top three lies men tell themselves: 1. It’s no big deal 2. I’m confident 3. I’m grateful All of these thoughts seem helpful.  All of them ARE helpful if we believe it.  But sometimes deep down, what actually feels true is: 1. I’m having a hard time. 2. I’m scared 3. I’m suffering When we brush our struggles under the rug, they keep us stuck.  Rather than breeze over them, we want to face the m...

How do we handle someone who’s pissed off? We don’t want to shut down And we don’t want to mirror their anger.  That just escalates things. The antidote to another person’s anger is curiosity. 🔦💡 Curiosity about yourself and what you’re feeling in that moment. Noticing your emotions will loosen the grip they have on you. And then curiosity about the other person. You want to seek a genuine under...