Doing Marriage Well

This episode explores how cognitive biases and miscommunication affect couples' sexual lives, covering mismatched frequency estimates, misinterpreted signals, and misconceptions about female orgasm, and offers simple strategies for clearer communication and better understanding.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (May 21, 2026), Paul explains three cognitive biases that can damage relationships: the Zanargic effect (remembering unfinished tasks more than completed ones), negativity bias (focusing on problems over positives), and the false consensus effect (assuming your partner shares your views). Paul offers a simple remedy: question your assumptions, ask clarifying...

Today’s episode explains two cognitive biases—the availability heuristic and anchoring bias—and how they make us overestimate past mistakes and ignore present improvements in our partners. Using everyday examples, it shows why we remember some events more easily and why first impressions can unfairly shape ongoing expectations. Practical tips include mentally tracking high points, challenging assu...

Paul explains how fundamental attribution error and self-serving bias make us excuse our own faults while blaming our partner, creating anger and distance in marriage. He offers simple fixes: try imagining external reasons for your spouse’s actions and ask a trusted friend to point out when you’re being unfair, so you can see yourself honestly and improve your relationship.

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (May 18, 2026), Paul explores how cognitive biases—like confirmation bias—distort how we interpret our spouse’s words and actions, leading to misunderstandings and hurt. He gives everyday examples (feeling underappreciated, criticism loops, jealousy, and perceived incompatibility) and encourages listeners to examine their own thinking, give their partner the...

This episode explores the choice between accepting a painful, unchanging part of your marriage and issuing an ultimatum. It offers practical questions to decide if the issue justifies divorce, how to grieve and move forward, and ways to live well, whether your spouse joins you or not. It also explains how to give an effective ultimatum—clear expectations, a timeline, written documentation, outside...

In this episode Paul explores how sexual choices—especially pornography and emotionally empty sex—damage marriage. He explains how men and women often misjudge consequences, how porn can undermine trust and desire, and how empty sex leaves partners feeling unloved. Paul offers practical perspective: recognize the real costs of your choices, prioritize emotional connection, and treat your partner’s...

This episode explores how fear—fear of failure, fear of change, and fear of a spouse's anger—undermines healthy choices in marriage. It explains how avoidance and control keep problems from being addressed until they grow worse, and why third-party help or firm action may be necessary to break the pattern.

This episode explores why we often label a partner as "lazy" and shows how burnout, low motivation, or emotional detachment can be the real issues behind marital friction. Paul encourages honest self-reflection and calm conversations, and explains how identifying the root cause—rather than assigning blame—helps couples choose healthier responses and work toward change.

This episode examines how avoiding conflict by sacrificing core beliefs creates a false, temporary peace that ultimately harms marriages. It explains cognitive dissonance and gives real examples—changes in faith, parenting, politics, or sexual boundaries—people make to keep the relationship intact. Paul encourages listeners to stand firm, pray, and remain open to correction rather than giving up e...

This episode explores how letting our spouse’s actions dictate our responses undermines marriage. Paul explains why blaming your partner and reacting emotionally stall harmony, and why choosing to do what’s right—even when you’re the only one—creates healthier patterns. Practical takeaways include doing your part without keeping score, having difficult conversations before burnout, and addressing...

In this episode Paul explains why premarital coaching is essential for couples—especially blended families—and how getting help early prevents or prepares you for future problems. He recommends tailored multi-session coaching (not a one-size-fits-all book study), using tools like Prepare and Enrich, and stresses that good coaching must address sex and continue as a resource after marriage. With re...

Paul urges couples not to suffer in silence and encourages seeking help for sexual problems. He highlights the Marriage Bed Forum and forums as safe, Christian places to read experiences and ask questions. He covers the pros and cons of getting help from friends, church leaders, and professionals, stressing the importance of trained Christian therapists and warning against harmful suggestions like...

This episode explains when it’s time to seek professional help for your marriage, how to find a trustworthy Christian counselor, and practical options including online therapy platforms. It covers cost and insurance realities, the value of referrals, blended-family expertise, setting clear goals for counseling, doing the work (homework), and staying open to personal change. Regain

This episode explores how pastors, vetted lay leaders, and marriage-focused small groups within your church can provide meaningful support for struggling marriages. It discusses pros and cons—training and privacy concerns—how church-backed help can be low-cost or free, and how group accountability and prayer can produce breakthroughs. TMB message boards

This episode explains how friends can be a couple’s greatest asset or biggest liability: choose one spiritually mature, discreet friend with a strong marriage who will challenge you and protect confidentiality. It also encourages couples with healthy relationships to help others, offers the idea of couple-level support, and reminds listeners to recognise limits and refer to professionals when need...

Paul explains why a neutral third party is one of the best allies a marriage can have and why meeting as a couple is often wiser than seeking one-sided help. He outlines how to choose help, set expectations and boundaries, involve faith, and bring a reluctant spouse into the process.

This episode addresses the critical issue of sexual frequency in marriage and how prolonged dissatisfaction can damage relationships. It explains why a lack of intimacy often leads partners to feel unloved, drift apart, or even pursue divorce or infidelity, and emphasises that insufficient sex is an emergency that requires immediate attention. Paul urges couples to seek help, communicate openly, a...

This episode explores the quiet compromises couples make in their sex lives—when partners go along with acts they don’t enjoy and how differences in preference and changing desires complicate intimacy. Using examples like breast play and oral sex, the host explains why honest, kind communication matters; suggests how to open conversations (starting with “it’s me"); and emphasises that dislikes can...

Paul explains how to address annoying habits in marriage by distinguishing two common situations: staying silent or repeatedly raising the issue. He stresses choosing a good time, being kind, admitting your own part, and framing requests as “I need your help.” Practical suggestions include setting phone-free times, using headphones, offering help with tasks, creating a light signal to break habits...

Paul urges couples to stop tolerating behaviors that steadily damage their relationship — from selective listening and messiness to constant "fubbing" and lateness — and gives permission to address these issues rather than suffer in silence. He focuses on lateness with a personal anecdote about differing expectations and their effect on marriage, and previews practical advice on how to bring up th...

Paul explains why staying silent about repeated annoyances in marriage only makes them worse: small issues accumulate into resentment and sudden outbursts, and blowing up rarely solves the problem. He outlines common reasons couples don't speak up, asks you to reflect on habits you may be tolerating, and previews that practical ways to address these issues calmly will be discussed later in the wee...

This episode explores why asking for what you need in a marriage can feel risky—fear of dismissal, passive-aggression, repeated requests, or the sense that your needs aren’t valued. Paul outlines practical steps: name the need clearly (try, "I need action to feel emotion"), follow up when confused, avoid accusatory language, thank attempts, and consider third-party help for persistent issues. Smal...

In this episode Paul explores why you can feel empty in marriage even when your spouse seems to be giving—because you may be asking for the wrong thing (for example, love versus respect), using your partner to numb past hurts, or trying to make up for what you lacked growing up. Misunderstood requests and unmet inner needs often cause ongoing frustration. Paul urges prayerful self-examination, cle...

Paul explains that while sex is an important need in marriage, people often use it to fill other unmet needs—love, touch, intimacy, stress relief—which leaves them feeling empty and can harm the relationship. He offers a simple guideline and encourages couples to recognise when sex is being used for non-sexual needs, communicate honestly, and focus on making sex about sex to restore satisfaction a...