Doing Marriage Well

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (April 2, 2026), Paul examines how learned communication patterns—yelling, sarcasm, silent treatment, threats, and other hurtful tactics—turn arguments into battles that damage marriages. He explains why trying to "win" an argument leaves both partners and the relationship worse off. Paul offers a better approach: speak honestly but non‑confrontationally, lis...

Discover how the way you see yourself affects your marriage and learn practical steps to reshape your self-image. This episode explores the childhood and social influences that form our self-perception, how those patterns show up in relationships, and specific actions—writing your self-view, seeking trusted feedback, and turning to faith—to help you become the person you want to be. Paul offers gu...

This episode explores how childhood wounds can create excessive self-sufficiency that harms marriage, making it hard to trust and connect with a spouse. Paul and Lori share a personal turning point that forced them to confront independence, begin healing, and learn to rely on each other, with practical encouragement for listeners to let their partners in. Related Article: How Your Childhood Can Af...

Paul challenges couples to stop blaming their childhood or parents for current marriage problems and instead take ownership of their actions, seek healing, and do the work required to change. He urges anyone stuck in the past to get help, noting resources like the Allender Center, and reminds listeners that while understanding roots matters, responsibility for change rests with each individual. Re...

Paul explores how sexual compromise leaves many marriages unsatisfied, with women feeling obligated and men shaped by unhealthy expectations, and explains why most couples struggle to find mutual joy. He lays out a biblical way forward — humility, mutual desire, forgiveness, openness, and honouring one another — showing how agreeing with God about sex can restore pleasure and connection in marriag...

In this episode Paul examines the "yes trap"—when a spouse consistently gives in out of fear of rejection rather than love—and how people-pleasing quietly erodes a marriage. He offers practical steps for partners: open, gentle communication, give choices to make expressing preferences safer, watch for times your spouse is being taken advantage of, and patiently help them build boundaries so the re...

In this episode of Doing Marriage Well (March 25, 2026), Paul explores how past emotional wounds quietly shape conflicts in marriage—affecting desires, avoidance, and personality tensions like introversion and extroversion. He encourages honest conversations with your spouse about why you feel the way you do and the promise to work toward healing together. Paul explains that admitting the influenc...

When spouses want different things, compromise often leaves both unhappy. This episode explains a “third alternative” that finds solutions satisfying everyone’s needs, and explores accommodation and flexibility as healthier ways to resolve conflicts. Practical examples and encouragement on listening, emotional maturity, and creative options show how couples can preserve connection instead of keepi...

This episode challenges the idea that compromise must leave both partners equally dissatisfied and explores why that approach can be unfair or manipulative. Paul offers a critique of standard compromise and introduces healthier ways for couples to handle conflicting needs without forcing equal unhappiness.

This episode explores how couples can navigate sexual needs, perceived selfishness, and misunderstandings to strengthen emotional connection. Paul highlights that wanting or not wanting sex (or specific acts) are valid needs, explains how past trauma or lack of emotional contact can create barriers, and warns against harmful stereotypes that misread motives. Practical takeaways: honest communicati...

This episode of Doing Marriage Well examines how childhood experiences—neglect, overindulgence, or messages about deserving—shape our ability to ask spouses for emotional and practical needs. Paul explains how differing perspectives on needs can create conflict, offers steps to identify and communicate your patterns, and encourages honest conversations or professional help to build healthier vulne...

This episode explores how setting healthy boundaries in marriage can be mistaken for selfishness, using real examples of spouses with conflicting emotional and physical needs. It explains why emotional exhaustion deserves the same respect as physical needs and how fear of being labelled selfish can distort giving and receiving in a relationship. The hosts offer a balanced Christian perspective tha...

This episode explores how everyday differences—like morning routines, music, or weekend plans—can escalate when spouses misjudge each other’s needs. Paul emphasises honest, vulnerable conversations: explain what you need, why it matters, rank needs when possible, and revisit the discussion as life changes to keep your marriage healthy.

This episode explores how to balance caring for your spouse with caring for yourself, using stories from Jesus, a recent ER visit, and personal caregiving experience. It asks where limits lie, how to recognise them, and emphasises that self-care is essential to doing marriage well.

This episode explores how frequent complaining to your spouse — about politics, work, or small frustrations — can damage your relationship when it becomes constant rather than occasional venting. The host shares a personal confession about learned habits, the vicious cycle of seeking responses, and how hearing a partner’s feedback revealed the problem. He describes practical changes he’s making: c...

On Doing Marriage Well (March 13, 2026), Paul explores common ways partners unintentionally push each other away in the bedroom — from word choices and sexual jokes to unexpected or unwanted touch and awkward post-sex comments. He encourages noticing these habits, talking about them when it feels safe, and adjusting behaviour to protect intimacy, and notes that sexual care looks different for ever...

Nagging isn’t just irritating — it’s often a warning sign that something deeper is wrong in the marriage. Persistent, repetitive urgings can come from frustration, habit, or past wounds and usually make change less likely. If you catch yourself nagging, admit it, choose one issue to address, explain why it matters to you, and say what you need. If you’re being nagged, treat it as a cry for help: l...

In this episode we look at why criticism often backfires in marriage and how to say things that actually help. Criticism can feel like an attack, and a spouse’s history or your tone can make it worse. Practical tips include starting with appreciation, using I-statements, being specific, avoiding generalisations like "always" or "never", offering solutions, and picking your battles. These steps hel...

Using a highway passing-lane story, this episode shows how subconscious reactions, pride, and a need for control can escalate into danger and tragedy — and how the same impulses can harm marriages. Instead of racing to prove a point, choose to 'pull over' emotionally: step back, let your spouse go ahead, and discuss the issue later when you’re both calm. Pride rarely helps a marriage thrive.

Using a familiar example of tailgating on a busy two‑lane highway, Paul explains how pushing someone often produces the opposite effect: drivers slow down or resist, and the same dynamic can happen in marriage. Instead of pressuring your spouse, try giving them a little space—stepping back can encourage them to move forward and improve the relationship’s pace and safety.

Doing Marriage Well for March 6, 2026 — A short post about gratitude, desire, and enjoying a quiet night together, illustrated by the a cappella track "Slow Ride" by the Coates (Seattle). Paul reflects on a kiss that speaks volumes as his wife leaves for work, celebrates unhurried sex as one way to connect, and encourages letting both God and your spouse know how much you cherish your marriage and...

This episode explores how to build the marriage you want in retirement by investing in your relationship now. Using The Beatles' "When I'm 64" as a prompt, Paul explains why coasting in busy midlife years can leave couples feeling like roommates and offers a clear call to stay connected, prioritise intimacy, and keep talking. Practical suggestions include cultivating shared interests, planning sim...

Doing Marriage Well — March 5, 2026: “I Was Your Clown” uses Elton John & Kiki Dee’s 1976 hit “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” to show how humour and comfort can lighten a spouse’s darkest moments. The episode explains that sometimes a laugh, sometimes a kind word, a silent hug, or a long snuggle is what helps most; other times prayer, a listening ear, or giving space is needed. Being what your sp...

This episode explores marriage battle wounds and why hiding hurts. Today's playlist pick is "This Is Me" from The Greatest Showman (link in show notes). We reframe the song to say "This is us" — you and your spouse. The episode uses wounded imagery to talk about real marriage struggles. Many couples hide their wounds behind carefully crafted lies. That secrecy keeps them from receiving support and...

In this episode Paul uses Lindsey Stirling's comeback story to highlight the small but powerful word "yet"—a reminder that struggling couples can improve their relationships with patience and effort. He encourages listeners not to be defeated by negative voices, to keep working on communication, intimacy, and respect, and to believe that a stronger marriage is possible. Lindsey Stirling’s Eye of t...