Divorce Dialogues

Pets are family. As a growing number of people form emotional attachments with their animals, the divorce process is further complicated by decisions around who gets to keep the pets. What can people do to look out for the best interests of the animal involved? What does the law say? Professor David Favre practiced law in Virginia prior to joining the Michigan State University Law College faculty...

Is your phone more interesting than your husband? 75% of people say that technology seriously impacts their relationships. Thus, the very thing that is supposed to help us feel more connected is hindering our connections with the people who really matter—the ones right there in front of us. In addition to her roles as a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, mindfulness teacher and relationship coa...

If you’re in the middle of a hostile divorce, the very idea of having compassion for your former partner may be difficult to fathom. But what if you started with compassion for yourself? Holistic health coach Jen Dorf maintains that you can escape the conflict trap with a mindful approach to communication that models the way you want to be treated. Based in Mamaroneck, New York, Jen is a nutrition...

If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while now, the landscape may seem like a brave new world. Dating apps offer endless possibilities—and overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that you are sorting through your own feelings after a divorce and working to reshape your very identity. It’s complicated to say the least. Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Instit...

Are you waiting to get divorced until your kids are a little older in the hopes that they’ll handle it better? You may be surprised to hear that kids in early adolescence have MORE of an adjustment to make when parents divorce than at any other age. Whatever your child’s age, parenting through divorce is difficult territory. Carl Pickhardt PhD is a psychologist in private practice out of Austin, T...

Our current system of justice focuses on the offender. What harm did they cause? What do they deserve as punishment? What if we shifted our focus to the person who was harmed and asked different questions, like what needs to happen between the parties to make it right? How can everyone move forward? Matt Johnston is the Program Director with Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue, a Portland nonprofit fo...

Divorce is a source of trauma. The process is stressful and emotional. Yet it’s also an opportunity. After a settlement has been reached, you can pursue new ambitions, creating a renewed vision for your life moving forward. With the right attitude and preparation, it is possible to profit from the experience. In 2006, Paul Ross’ marriage of 25 years ended. In the five long years it took Paul and h...

It is incredibly challenging to maintain your health during the divorce process. Some of us overeat, some of us stop eating altogether. Many spend a lot of time on the couch, while others exercise non-stop. So how do you find the right balance and choose a more positive response to such a stressful time? Today’s guest has designed a blueprint to help you eat right, keep moving and take care of you...

While divorcing partners may not be able to agree on much else, they DO want what is best for their children. But when you’re in the middle of crafting a parenting plan, it’s easy to get lost in the details, get competitive, and forget your shared mission—to provide a healthy life for your kids moving forward. Dr. Deanna Conklin-Danao is a clinical psychologist in the Chicago area. She has 15-plus...

Parents going through a separation often make one of two choices when it comes to communicating with their children: 1) They protect the children by sharing very little about the process, or 2) They involve their children in adult conversations, treating them as confidants. Neither scenario gives the children a voice—a way to share their experience. Award-winning filmmaker Ellen Bruno is on a miss...

“It’s never too late. Put the divorce on pause, find a really strong, good therapist who knows what they’re doing, and give it a few months before you pull the plug.” Terry Real is a renown family therapist and the bestselling author of I Don’t Want to Talk About It: Overcoming the Secret Legacy of Male Depression and How Can I Get Through to You?: Reconnecting Men and Women. Terry is the founder...

Reacting with aggression feels good in the moment, powerful even. Perhaps you believe that taking the high road in the divorce process puts you at a disadvantage, making you look weak—as if you’re letting the other person off the hook for their behavior. But Monique Honaman argues that the next best decision is not the one born from anger. In fact, the smart choices that work for your family long-...

Let’s face it: The legal process is intimidating. Separation agreements are difficult to decipher without the help of a professional, and the process often disregards the complexity of what people are going through. Beyond the legal piece, there are emotional, financial, even spiritual implications around ending a marriage. Integrative law seeks to recognize that complexity and design conscious co...

If you’re going through a contentious divorce, hurt and anger are par for the course. You may even believe that holding onto your rage is a show of strength. But the truth is, blame renders you powerless to your own emotions. What if I told you that true power—and the ability to heal—lies in your ability to choose compassion? Dr. Steven Stosny is the creator of Compassion Power, an organization fo...

Most people think of mediation as compromise, but Gary Friedman sees it differently. In his view, the process is a negotiation. Rather than competing over assets, the divorcing partners identify what they need to move forward and then find the best way to divide or allocate resources accordingly. Yes, there will be disagreements, but if you can turn around your impulse to see each other as enemies...

The 14th Dalai Lama wisely said, ‘Peace is not simply the absence of war. It is not a passive state of being. We must wage peace, as vigilantly as we wage war.’ Our cultural bias suggests that peacemaking is somehow weak or submissive, when in fact, it takes a great deal more strength and confidence to listen and consider a point of view different from our own—especially in the legal profession. D...

If you left the more complex issues of financial planning to your spouse during the marriage, navigating the numbers during the divorce settlement process can be incredibly intimidating. You may need considerable time to process any financial proposal brought to the table, and you would benefit from professional support in understanding what the numbers mean—and whether or not you’re going to be o...

No matter the circumstances, divorce is intensely emotional, and we tend to focus on the internal journey of people navigating the process. But what about the externals? The space where we live and the objects we surround ourselves with have a significant impact on the way we feel—and designing a new space or reclaiming an old one can go a long way to helping people move on with their lives post-d...

When Wendy Paris announced her trial separation to her liberal friends in New York City, she was surprised by the incredibly negative feedback she received. But when she unpacked their predictions of doom and gloom, Wendy realized that their fears around divorce derived from the facts of an earlier era, before no fault filing was an option. Wendy and her ex-husband moved slowly, leveraging alterna...

Parents worry about the long-term impact divorce will have on their children. The good news is that two-thirds of the children of divorce are just fine. The bad news is that one-third are, indeed, disadvantaged by long-term problems. What can parents do to ensure that their children fall in to the resilient category—and go on to thrive in the aftermath of divorce? Dr. JoAnne Pedro-Carroll is recog...

By 2001, Suzanne Brunsting had been practicing as a matrimonial litigator for 20 years. The more experienced she got, the more difficult and contentious the cases referred to her. Day in, day out, she was witness to the damage endured by families embroiled in the process, especially the children at the center of custody battles. There had to be a better way. And that spring, a colleague introduced...

Traditionally, alternative dispute resolution methods like mediation and collaborative divorce are seen as a good fit for couples who are civil to each other and simply need a professional to support them in the legal aspects of the process. But Bill Eddy argues that the non-adversarial processes are crucial for high-conflict people navigating divorce. Bill Eddy is a lawyer, therapist, mediator an...

Whether a conflict involves international powers, corporate leadership, or a husband and wife, a violation of dignity is always the underlying cause. No matter the situation, we are all looking to be treated as if we have worth and value, and it is this fundamental desire for dignity that makes us human. How can a better understanding of the principles of dignity help us improve our relationships...

Substance abuse often plays a role in the divorce process, either as the catalyst for or the result of conflict in a relationship. How do you go about having your former partner evaluated to ensure their health and safety—and that of your children? Dr. Raymond Griffin has worked in the field of addiction and counseling for 37-plus years. He served as the president of the National Council on Alcoho...

‘How you go through this forest determines, to great extent, who you are when you come out of it.’ Getting divorced can feel a lot like being lost in the woods. And no matter how much information you have gathered from the experts, you probably still feel very much alone. What if there was a community of women making their way through that same forest that you could go to for support and guidance?...