Divorce Dialogues

We know that the strong negative emotions associated with divorce make it difficult to think rationally. But have you ever wondered what happens in your brain when emotion takes over? How does a threat response impact your aptitude for conscious thought? And how might an understanding of the brain science shift your response and facilitate good, deliberative thinking? Dr. David Rock is the Directo...

It is easy to get attached to your victim story and blame your ex for the fact that your marriage went up in flames. But there is a better way to approach divorce: It is possible to see it as a new beginning, an opportunity to learn about yourself and reinvent your life. So, how exactly do you learn to shift your thinking and rewrite your post-divorce storyline? Deb Purdy is a transformational coa...

There is a lot of guilt and shame associated with divorce, especially when it comes to our kids. We worry about how the experience will impact our children long-term and wonder if it’s even possible to communicate effectively as co-parents—when a breakdown in communication is what caused many of our problems to begin with! What steps can we take to be mindful co-parents and ensure that our kids wi...

Many dads of divorce fear that they will be completely cut off from their children. They may also have difficulty navigating the shift in their relationships with both their kids and their co-parents in the aftermath of divorce. How can a coach support men in managing their feelings and developing the best possible bonds with their children? Richard Heller is the Founder and Lead Coach with Separa...

If someone close to you is going through a divorce, you may not know what to say. Do they want to talk about it? You want to be helpful, but it can be tough to intuit what they need. For some, opening up about their divorce is healing. Others would rather talk about something else—or do something active. So, what is the best way to communicate with friends and family members about how you can best...

It goes without saying that the decision to divorce is not an easy one to make. For some couples, the back-and-forth goes on for years. Yes, it’s bad. But is it THAT bad? How do you know when it’s finally time to leave? Nancy Colier is a psychotherapist, interfaith minister and relationship coach. A student of Eastern spirituality, mindfulness practices serve as the foundation of her work. She is...

Making the decision to end a marriage is stressful enough. But for those women who have been misled or misinformed about their legal rights, it may not feel like they have any choice at all. There is so much overlap between the emotional and legal aspects of divorce, women need guidance that encompasses both elements of the process. Jill Murray is one of the nation’s leading experts on unhealthy r...

Being a stepparent is tricky. How do you get involved in your stepchildren’s lives without overstepping? How do you go about disciplining a stepchild? How do you approach the holidays? Stepfamilies do have their benefits but taking on the role of a stepparent is never going to be easy. On the bad days, it can feel like you ‘set your hair on fire, and you’re trying to put it out with a hammer.’ Jea...

After 15 years of trying divorce cases in the courts, Barry Berkman had come to realize that ‘nobody ever won a divorce case.’ Litigation comes with a high price tag in the form of expense and the toxic effect on everyone involved, especially the children. So he started looking for a better way. At a mediation training in California in the mid-1990’s, Barry was inspired by stories of matrimonial l...

There is a great deal of shame associated with divorce, and much of the language we use around the process has an incredibly negative connotation—no one wants to be responsible for a ‘broken’ home or family. But Tara Eisenhard argues that we are all continually learning and growing, and divorce doesn’t have to be about dissolution. It can be seen as evolution, the opportunity to move forward towar...

Stepparents tend to get a bad rap. Odds are, your first encounter with the role was through the archetype of an evil stepmother in a fairy tale like Cinderella. The cultural narrative depicts stepparents as a negative force in the life of a child—either ignoring, taking advantage, or actively working against them! Monique Honaman is on a mission to change the narrative. She has joined forces with...

Once you’ve decided on divorce, the next step is to determine how you and your former partner will come to a resolution. Given that 97% of divorces in New York settle before a judge gets involved, it is in your best interests to explore the full spectrum of options and make an informed decision based on your particular circumstances. This is called process choice. Sarah Hechtman is a trained colla...

The divorce process initiates a time of radical change and transformation, and one major part of that change involves a potential change of address. As you and your ex-partner separate your assets, it may be necessary to sell the home you shared and make arrangements for a new place to live. Anthony Sibio is a licensed broker with Coldwell Banker Real Estate. Anthony has served the Pleasantville a...

How do you learn to be okay with not being okay? In a culture where we’re taught to run from discomfort, it can seem like quite a feat to stop and take inventory of what’s true for us in a particular moment—especially if what we’re feeling is pain. But Nancy Colier argues that ‘company with our own experience IS the healing.’ Nancy is a psychotherapist and relationship coach whose work is grounded...

Laughter really can be the best medicine, even when what ails you is a painful divorce. When Kevin Cotter’s ex-wife moved out of their home, she left her wedding dress in its preservation box—on the middle shelf at the center of the closet. When Kevin asked her what he was supposed to do with it, she said, “Do whatever … you want, I’m not taking the dress!” He eventually shared this backstory with...

Pets are family. As a growing number of people form emotional attachments with their animals, the divorce process is further complicated by decisions around who gets to keep the pets. What can people do to look out for the best interests of the animal involved? What does the law say? Professor David Favre practiced law in Virginia prior to joining the Michigan State University Law College faculty...

Is your phone more interesting than your husband? 75% of people say that technology seriously impacts their relationships. Thus, the very thing that is supposed to help us feel more connected is hindering our connections with the people who really matter—the ones right there in front of us. In addition to her roles as a psychotherapist, interfaith minister, mindfulness teacher and relationship coa...

If you’re in the middle of a hostile divorce, the very idea of having compassion for your former partner may be difficult to fathom. But what if you started with compassion for yourself? Holistic health coach Jen Dorf maintains that you can escape the conflict trap with a mindful approach to communication that models the way you want to be treated. Based in Mamaroneck, New York, Jen is a nutrition...

If you’ve been out of the dating game for a while now, the landscape may seem like a brave new world. Dating apps offer endless possibilities—and overwhelm. Not to mention the fact that you are sorting through your own feelings after a divorce and working to reshape your very identity. It’s complicated to say the least. Dr. Alexandra Solomon is a licensed clinical psychologist at The Family Instit...

Are you waiting to get divorced until your kids are a little older in the hopes that they’ll handle it better? You may be surprised to hear that kids in early adolescence have MORE of an adjustment to make when parents divorce than at any other age. Whatever your child’s age, parenting through divorce is difficult territory. Carl Pickhardt PhD is a psychologist in private practice out of Austin, T...

Our current system of justice focuses on the offender. What harm did they cause? What do they deserve as punishment? What if we shifted our focus to the person who was harmed and asked different questions, like what needs to happen between the parties to make it right? How can everyone move forward? Matt Johnston is the Program Director with Domestic Violence Safe Dialogue, a Portland nonprofit fo...

Divorce is a source of trauma. The process is stressful and emotional. Yet it’s also an opportunity. After a settlement has been reached, you can pursue new ambitions, creating a renewed vision for your life moving forward. With the right attitude and preparation, it is possible to profit from the experience. In 2006, Paul Ross’ marriage of 25 years ended. In the five long years it took Paul and h...

It is incredibly challenging to maintain your health during the divorce process. Some of us overeat, some of us stop eating altogether. Many spend a lot of time on the couch, while others exercise non-stop. So how do you find the right balance and choose a more positive response to such a stressful time? Today’s guest has designed a blueprint to help you eat right, keep moving and take care of you...

While divorcing partners may not be able to agree on much else, they DO want what is best for their children. But when you’re in the middle of crafting a parenting plan, it’s easy to get lost in the details, get competitive, and forget your shared mission—to provide a healthy life for your kids moving forward. Dr. Deanna Conklin-Danao is a clinical psychologist in the Chicago area. She has 15-plus...

Parents going through a separation often make one of two choices when it comes to communicating with their children: 1) They protect the children by sharing very little about the process, or 2) They involve their children in adult conversations, treating them as confidants. Neither scenario gives the children a voice—a way to share their experience. Award-winning filmmaker Ellen Bruno is on a miss...