Disney Dunces

Oh boy, you’d think an animated George of the Jungle movie would have a few more jokes and a lot less murder. But hey, maybe the humor in this one is just too sophisticated for anyone to pick up on. Maybe in twenty more years all this tragedy will look a lot more like comedy, and we’ll all owe Phil Collins an apology. It’s Disney’s Tarzan!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… The second trilogy in a trilogy of trilogies finally comes to an end. And all we really have to show for it is one good joke ten seconds in and the key to getting Richard to kill any child of your choice. But hey, maybe that’s enough for some people. So get ready to hide your kids and to hide your wives, as its Disney Dunces: Episode LX - Star Wars: Episo...

What happens when a corporate Twitter account reaches out to a bunch of celebrities to comment on a film that they were in over seventeen years ago, and none of them bother to reply? In a perfect world, nothing at all, and we would all just go about our day as usual. Sadly though, the year is 2020 and the world is far from perfect. It’s Disney's 20th Century Fox’s Cheaper by the Dozen!

Do you ever look at someone and wonder, “What is going on inside their head?” Well wonder no more, idiots, as the fine folks at Pixar laid it all out for us over five years ago. But if you’re still having a hard time grasping the concept, listen to these three nitwits dumb it down for you, perhaps a little too much. It’s Disney and Pixar’s Inside Out!

Hey look, they did the thing again. You know, it's like a Youtube compilation video of Disney song covers, but with more ads, but like a second time. If you need more info than that, then you’re dumber than these guys. Just be sure to remember, "In Pod We Trust". It’s Disney’s The Disney Family Singalong: Volume 2!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… Some jerk decided that "May the 4th" sounded enough like "May the Force" to make it a thing, and now once a year, all your favorite brands band together to cash in on all those nerd boners. It’s just a shame because now this episode is like 80% rape, 10% Hitler, and 100% selling out. It’s Disney Dunces: Episode LVI - Star Wars: Episode II - Attack of the...

Oh no! Looks like the Beantown kidnappers are hiding out in the sleepy little unassuming borough of Edgefield, and the only folks who can finger the ones who done it are these three chowda' heads and a part time alley cat. So follow along if you can, and maybe you too can earn the coveted title of “Super Sleuth”!  It’s the 1997 re-imagining of Disney's That Darn Cat!, Disney's That Darn Cat!

What do you get when you cross Disney’s half-assed attempt to calm a world under quarantine with a half-assed discussion about it? A half-assed description to summarize it all! So join the Dunces as they discover just how to put the “F U” in family fun. It’s Disney’s The Disney Family Singalong!

Kowabunga broskies! The Dunces are back in an all new format to bring you the exciting conclusion to the Teen Beach saga. Time has gone awry in Surfside City when the cast of Wet Side Story pay a visit. So come hang ten with the boys while they discuss how kissing cousins become new acquaintances. It’s Ellen Degeneres’s Teen Beach 2! Incest free since 20-1-3!

Elsa of Arendelle. Josh Gad’s LeFou. Cyclops Cop. Those two boys that kissed in the background of that one episode of “Star vs The Forces of Evil”. There is much debate when it comes to Disney’s first openly gay character, but luckily we can all agree on Disney’s first openly incestuous couple. It’s the tongue in cheek DCOM that couldn't get away with it, Ellen Degeneres’s Teen Beach Movie! (Wait,...

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… Three Dunces set off to provide in-depth coverage of every Star Wars film in Disney’s lexicon, and three movies in, that journey finally begins. It’s just a shame none of them actually watch this one, but fear not! For in troubled times, one can always look to the hymns of yore to guide the way! It’s Disney Dunces: Episode L - Star Wars: Episode I - The P...

Alright children, it's time once again to learn to let your freak flag fly! Because no matter how thoughtful you may be, it’s always important to be yourself, then give in to how others tell you that you should be, and then proceed to be yourself again. Because you know what they say, when you shoot for the stars, you’re sure to land amongst the girls. It’s the DPOM that’s sure to bomb, Stargirl!

Awww snap, it's time to once again get down and nerdy with the Dunces! This week the boys cover every dweeby delight from alchemy to anime, and topics well outside that scope because we know you poindexters are going to try to point out how small of a range that actually is. So roll those D20s and draw your Pot of Greeds, losers - it’s Disney and Pixar’s Onward!

Girl's dad has to do army. Girl pretends to be dad and goes into army. Girl defeats the Huns. Girl's grandma tries to steal girl's man. It's the P.F. Chang's of Disney animated classics, Mulan!

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… The greatest prank in the known universe was pulled off without a hitch! (We’re not counting the expanded one so don’t even start.) And we’re here to cover this historic event, six years in the making! A man, a woman, a curtain, 50 of their closest friends, and one hideous mass of determination. Oh, and there's also some kind of space bear battle somewher...

Timmy is an average kid that no one understands, but that's because Timmy is a complete asshole and no one should take the time to get to know him. If anyone out there is blessed with the gift of child, please teach them to be the exact opposite of Timmy. Teach them how not to be a Failure. It’s Portland’s own Timmy Failure: Mistakes Were Made.

Call 'em, beep 'em, if you wanna reach 'em - although you’re probably better off just listening to this episode, as one of the Dunces has developed a filthy disgusting habit of calling people out and naming names. You’ve been warned. It’s the alleged star-studded, live action Disney Channel Original Movie, based on the animated Disney Channel Original Series, "Kim Possible", it's Kim Possible! 

Well guys, this is sadly the most erotic and perverse film that Walt Disney ever got his grubby little hands on. We’re very disappointed in all of you degenerates who have seen this movie, and that goes double if you actually like this filth. And don’t even try to tell us that you watch it for the plot, because  we all know that there isn’t one to be found here! It’s Studio Ghibli’s classic cummin...

O come all ye faithful, joyful and triumphant, to what can only be described as the most blasphemous episode to date. Seriously, the Dunces break like four commandments just talking about Steve Urkel, five if you’re listening on the Sabbath! But at the very least, everyone can take some comfort in knowing that one of them will burn in Hell for all eternity. As for which one that is, the answer may...

If you've ever wondered what the layout of Rapunzel’s tower was like, then boy oh boy do we have the podcast for you! We're talking a full-on, thirty minute, in-depth analysis of the whole thing! Top to bottom, every nook and cranny, every step accounted for, no stone left unturned. If however you’ve actually seen the film and realized it was just a single room atop a blocked off set of stairs at...

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… and boy do I mean a long time ago! Like back when a fella' who repeatedly forces himself on a woman was seen as a charming rapscallion, rather than the mondo creep we see him for today. Back when Pop-Up Video was a normal everyday occurrence, making Mickey, Donald, and Goofy seem more welcoming than grating. And back before Maury Povich could tell you who...

Ruh roh! The time trolley has gone haywire and looks like the Dunces find themselves trapped in the far flung future of 2049! A time period where man lives amongst the stars and women give birth to children and diskettes! Let’s see if they can master this new space age lingo and become gods of rock and roll before the station goes up in smoke! It’s Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century!

Alright boys and goils, let's all hop in the time trolley and take a trip to old New York - I’m talking 1899. A simpler time when the news was printed on paper, child labor was rampant, and no one had nothin' better to do but to sing about it. Please keep all hands and feet inside the trolley and try not to get soaked, whatever that happens to mean in the context of this film. It’s Newsies!

Hold on, this can’t be right, these cry alert readings are off the chart! Let’s see... says here this week's episode covers an untold true story involving the harsh conditions of the Alaskan tundra, terminally ill children, and one very brave dog who gives his all to save them. Oh no, and there’s no Cuba Gooding Jr. in sight! That settles it, you’d have to be a monster to not cry while watching th...