Disney Dunces

Good news, everyone! The boys are back from podcast school and as it turns out, you just can’t teach these old dogs new tricks. So enjoy this less than insightful summary of a film surrounding a man-made pandemic and a stolen election, not that you’d pick up on that listening to this. It’s their artsiest, fartsiest film to date, Isle of Dogs!

  What do you get when you cross three dunces and two eight minute long animated shorts? Apparently a forty-minute conversation about God knows what. It’s The wonderful world of Disney’s wonderfully delightful, The Wonderful World of Mickey Mouse!

Look, Thanksgiving may be canceled, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t still be grateful for the fact that you don’t have to listen to this episode! It’s the holiday special befitting of the year 2020, Pocahontas!

Can you imagine a world where Disney forced all of their greatest villains onto an island where they proceeded to just bang each other? Well imagine no longer, because you’re living in it! It’s a lesson in the importance of contraception if anything, Disney’s Descendants! And no, it's not nearly as good as you hoped it would be.

A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away… but not nearly as long ago as the other films. Because at long last, it's time to start the final trilogy in the trilogy of trilogies! And let's face it, it's the seventh one of these that the Dunces have covered - do you really need a summary to know what to expect? Han Solo is a rapist, Dragonball Z is the best, and a frenchman’s plumbing situation is i...

Yet another Season of Boys has come and gone, and the Dunces are left this week to face their own mortality. And what better way to do it than to take a look at the afterlife as told by the fine folks at Disney’s Pixar!?! Don’t call it the finale, they skipped right to the epilogue! It’s Disney and Pixar’s, and yours and mine, Coco! Except for you gringo, you don’t get a film.

Let’s be honest here, what could possibly be scarier than actually sitting down to watch an episode of modern day Simpsons? An episode on an episode, specifically The Simpsons: Tree House of Horror XXXI!

I’m going to be straight with you guys, if you’ve never seen the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original series "The Adventures of Jimmy Neutron, Boy Genius", based off of the hit Nickelodeon computer-animated original film "Jimmy Neutron: Boy Genius", you should probably skip this one as there is nothing of value here for you. On the other hand however, if you live and breathe the hit Nickelod...

Ruh-roh! A spell has been placed on Halloweentown turning it and all its denizens grey in both personality and appearance. But have no fear, Agitha Cromwell and her granddaughter, Marnie are on the case! The only question is, will Benny the cabbie be able to get them to Aggie’s spell book in time to reverse the incantation, or is Halloweentown doomed to an eternity of boredom? Find out as we kick...

What do you get when you cross Marvel’s The X-Men with that typical Disney magic that we’ve all come to expect? Not this - this is more like Marvel’s The X-Men inbred with Marvel’s The X-Men, and reviews about as well as any Marvel’s The X-Men movie has reviewed in the past 5 years. It’s the DCOM disguised as a DPOM, Secret Society of Second-Born Royals. 

Now don’t be sour, the Cream Crew returns to make all your cream dreams come true! This time they’ve brought not one, not two, but THREE procedures for proper cream placement. Now it's up to you, dear listener, to decide which will lead you to the most triumphant Taco Tuesday. All this and more on this week's episode covering... The Peanuts Movie?

Better off Ted is a satirical workplace comedy, centered around the employees of a stereotypical evil Megacorporation of Veridian Dynamics. Veridian Dynamics experiments on its employees, twists the truth, and will stop at nothing to achieve its goals. Better off Ned is a typo for the title of said satirical workplace comedy, centered around the employees of a stereotypical evil Megacorporation of...

Hey look, Disney did that thing where they took a dump all over one of their animated classics - only this time they charged you $30 for the pleasure! So if you feel that Mulan needed less musical numbers, more CGI, and a whole lot more "being a bird", then go ahead and waste your money, because you don’t deserve to have it. If on the other hand you’re a decent human being, just go ahead and liste...

There’s 104 days of summer vacation, and they seriously couldn't pick one to release this film on? If that isn’t a clear enough sign that the universe is against each and every one of us, then try to deal with the fact one of the Dunces SOMEHOW couldn’t even be bothered to watch the only good show on television. Either way, it’s the only good Disney+ Original Movie on Disney+, Phineas and Ferb the...

They say that the hardest thing you can do in film is trying to bring a true story to life - but those idiots didn’t have a mall full of circus animals and Crayola insertion to work with, because Disney+ makes it look easy. It's the DPOM of the decommissioned gorilla, The One and Only Ivan!

Overly enthusiastic magician Andy Duckerman (Adam Devine) gets thrown out of his magic act and finds himself in desperate need of work. Hired as a camp counselor at an elite magic summer camp, he exposes his kids to the greatest magicians he idolizes and emulates -- much to the approval of the camp owner (Jeffrey Tambor). As he gets his privileged and precocious charges in touch with their inner m...

Oh no! It's an all-out alien invasion, and the fool-proof plan of burning down the forest is leading to nothing but civil unrest! But have no fear, Rule 63 Jesus is here to save the day with her innate power to purify! It’s the Disney dub of Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind! ...wait, that can't possibly be right.

It’s the Disney+ original series, Muppets Now! I’d say more, but I’d rather not have this description run on longer than it needs to.

  Yarr, here be pirates - and not famous Hollywood types (which just feels like an important distinction to make). So get ready for a swashbuckling good time while your first, second, and third mate regale you with the tale of Captain Jack Sparrow, and how he set sail for adventure on the Isla de Muerta, twice! It’s the theme park ride-inspired film with the name as long as its runtime, Disney’s P...

Oh boy oh boy, do we have a special episode for all you Patinkers out there. All your prayers are finally answered as we finally cover that cult classic starring Candy Mandy himself, The Princess Bride! And on this journey, we finally answer the age old question that's haunted the world for nearly half a century, "who is Mandy Patinkin and is he actually on Homeland or not?" All this and more on t...

Dad nab it, the boys at it again! This time with a film so daddy, it’s out of this world - literally! The Summer of Dads™ is strong with this one. ...alright, confession time, I’ve not actually listened to this one, so summarizing it would be an impossible task. All I can say for sure is that it involves Marvin and is thematically on point. It’s that one film that you’ve certainly heard of in pass...

You’re currently at a crossroads. You can either boot up the ol’ Disney+ and watch a piece of American history come to life through the magic of musical theatre, or alternatively, you can listen to these three nobodies review their high school history class. Honestly though, you should probably just listen to Weird Al’s medley and save yourself a few hours. It’s Hamilton! Or as Disney likes to cal...

The Summer of Dads™ is holding strong, and what better way to celebrate than to cover the strongest dad out there? That’s right ladies and gentlemen, the Bronze Eagle has landed! But what happens when this super dad’s not-so-super son lets his father's greatest weakness slip? Does young Scott Marshall have what it takes to right his own wrongs and become the hero that his dad always knew that he c...

Looks like the Summer of Dads™ is in full swing, and what better way to celebrate the season than with a dad that really knows how. To swing that is, like he really knows how to swing. Because at the end of this, isn’t promiscuity truly the first step in becoming a dad? It’s a rather silly film, A Goofy Movie! 

Once in a blue moon, a film comes along that is simply indescribable - mainly due to the fact that all you can think about is that one scene where Josh Gad pulls his pants down, shovels piles of dirt into his mouth, and proceeds to shoot it OUT OF HIS ASS. But what else do you expect from a Tony award nominated thespian? It’s the DPOM that's got us all begging for more, Artemis Fowl!