Disney Dunces

Whelp, the results are in and turns out Disney is once again trying to scam you out of your hard-earned $30. So how about instead you save yourself some money and listen to this episode while you make your way to Disney World and ride the attraction yourself. Because you know what they say, "why see The Rock when you can be The Rock?". It’s Disney’s second attempt to bring a Weird Al song to life,...

You know what I loved about revival television series-es based on movies from the late '80s? Nothing. It’s that quirky investigator drama revived in the form of a streaming service-exclusive series the likes of which you’ve only ever dreamed of, Turner & Hooch!

You know what I loved about movies from the late '80s? How they all have this uncanny ability to have any conversation about them just veer completely off course and into the world of connected universes of television shows from the early 2000s. And if that's not true, then how about you explain this episode of the Disney Dunces? Take that atheists. It’s that quirky investigator drama just begging...

dont watch it

Fair warning, this episode contains gratuitous descriptions of Monsters, Inc. "Rule 34", so make sure to bring a bucket and a mop. I’d type more, but that's truly all that's in this one... so yeah, uhmm, how are you doing? I’m either very glad, very saddened, or some place in the middle to hear that. Anyway, I’m going to say the thing now, but this was nice and we should really do it again sometim...

What happens when two young supple fish boys arrive in a small harbor town whose citizens have only one thing on their mind? From the creative mind that brought you Beyond the Sea and Albino Alligator, comes a true cumming of age story like no other. It’s Disney’s and Pixar’s and Kevin Spacey’s idea of a good time, Luca!

Fair warning, this is another one of those episodes that goes a little off the rails. But as long as you’ve seen Dragon Ball Z, Dragon Ball Super, Dragon Ball GT, My Hero Academia, Mushoku Tensei: Jobless Reincarnation, The Time I Got Reincarnated as a Slime, The Magic School Bus, The Magic School Bus Rides Again, Spongebob Squarepants, Teen Titans Go!, Seinfeld, Community, Family Guy, Lilo & Stit...

This episode of the Dunces features a very powerful movie with a very powerful message. Since you guys are listening to this nonsense, you’re probably not too bright, so I’ll spell it out for you. It doesn’t matter your upbringing, your station in life, or even how you turned out. You can end up anywhere in this wacky world, even at a Dairy Queen. It’s a movie that asks the hard-hitting question,...

In London Town, mentally troubled seamstress, Estella Miller is disregarded and mistreated by society. She then embarks on a downward spiral of revolution and fashion crime. This path brings her face-to-face with her alter-ego: Cruella de Vil. It’s like Disney played Mad Libs with The Joker script, Cruella!

Originally I was just going to copy and paste the intro paragraph on the "Gogo's Crazy Bones" Wikipedia page and call it a day, as I don’t know a damn thing about these little rubber idiots. But as it turns out, that article is something of an interesting read and I’d advise everyone to just check it out themselves. Anywho, here’s a fad filled with fads including unrelated fads to said fad, Descen...

Oh boy oh boy! There is no better way to celebrate 101 episodes than by giving you 101 reasons why you should listen to this episode: 1. I respect your time too much to even entertain this bit beyond one bullet point - you’re welcome. It’s a good thing it's animated so we could avoid 101 moments of silence for this one, 101 Dalmatians!

One hundred episodes released means one hundred episode descriptions have been written, so I’m also celebrating something of a milestone myself. I’m dedicating this one to all of the people out there who take the time to read it. That means this one is for you Richard, and maybe Craig if someone happens to draw his attention to it. But not that third one, he’s way too handsome to be reading anythi...

At one point in the film, Aunt Cass talks about how her celebratory hot wings are so spicy that she and Hiro are going to feel it in their buttholes tomorrow. The Dunces don’t cover that in the episode, but that's pretty cool. Anyway, it’s just like reading the comics (probably), Big Hero 6!

They said it couldn’t be done. They said it was unpossible, prepostiserous, and unmimaginableble, tet the Dunces have pulled it off. They managed to find a group of friends who are not only dumber than they are, but are also just as mean to each other - and all it really took was a clean sweep of the 100 Acre Wood. Start sippin' that juice, because it’s time for Piglet’s Big Movie!

Here we have a show about an aging John Stamos coaching a basketball team at an all girls high school. We also know that the Dunces know nothing of basketball, so this episode will most likely be hyper focused on one thing and one thing alone. May God have mercy on us all. It’s exhibit A in the upcoming trial of the century, Big Shot!

Oh boy! This week the Dunces mean business, and I mean BIG BUSINESS! That’s all I got. I’m not sure what even happened in this episode. It’s just three guys locked in a room talking about nothing for what I imagine to be an hour. So this week you get to listen and learn what the episode is about yourself. It’s a film that happened to be on Disney+ (probably), Big Business!

Cock-a-doodle-do! Now that’s bird for, buckle up buckaroo because you’re in for a wild one. Okay fine, it doesn’t actually translate into English that well, but don’t blame me for you having such a limited language. It’s a film guaranteed to make you express astonishment or admiration, The Big Year!

Listen up maggots, because it's time for a pop quiz! What exactly makes Hilary Duff the Goku of this film? Who makes the Iceman cometh? Which Dunce is definitely going to prison after this one? If you don’t know the answers, be grateful that this quiz is open-podcast. Military school is back in session and hamboning is on the menu! It’s the Disney Channel Original Movie, Cadet Kelly!

Today’s episode of the Disney Dunces is just filled to the brim with questions. Luckily, the boys have their own little Knowsmore just waiting to answer them all. Man at the Computer, this one’s for you buddy. Don’t call it Wreck it Ralph 2, it’s Disney’s Ralph Breaks the Internet!

When Merida decides to go against tradition, she creates a rift not only between her country's leaders, but between her and her mother as well. She then makes matters worse by enlisting the help of a witch to change her fate, who turns her mother into a bear. Now she has to repair the tear in her mother-daughter relationship and reverse the curse before her ursine-loathing father does her mother i...

They described the movie exactly how it played out, "blah blah blah, who cares, whatever". The truly unbelievable thing is the fact that not one of them mentions how Awkwafina is the perfect name for a mythical water dragon, especially compared to whatever stupid name they happen to give to furry Elsa that no one can seem to remember. It’s the $29.99 that you could have spent on anything else, Ray...

Well boys and girls, BHM has come and gone, but the Dunces aren’t about to let you forget that black people have existed just yet. It’s not nearly as good as the title makes it out to be, Sister Act 2: Back in the Habit!

So, you know how every holiday your parents needed to lie to you about a fat guy in a red coat or a giant candy-pooping rabbit just to get you interested in celebrating? Well, as it turns out, Jamaica’s first Olympic bobsled team is the BHM equivalent . It may as well be The Santa Clause, Cool Runnings!

For those BIGOTS out there who are asking themselves, “What the hell does this movie have to do with black history?!” How about you consult the song at 54:32 and try and tell me it's anything but! It’s Nelson Mandela’s personal favorite, Kazaam! 

Alright, so hear me out: yes, they started almost two weeks later than they should have, and yes, they more than likely just picked the first movie they saw that happened to have black people in it. But I think they made a genuine effort to celebrate black history in their own sort of way, so just keep that in mind for the next few episodes. It’s Disney and Pixar’s play on words, Soul!