Discovering Our Scars

Steph and Beth talk about times they’ve been diagnosed and how helpful it is to know what you are facing. For Steph, a diagnosis of PTSD felt like a relief because she understood what she was dealing with and she knew that her psychologist understood, too. For Beth, knowing what type of cancer she had was instrumental in getting the right treatment. In general, no one likes to be labeled, but it t...

Steph and Beth both grew up hearing about “Stranger Danger.” The idea of a stranger is amorphous and unclear, and it only alerts children to potential external danger. But most child abuse happens at the hands of someone the child knows—that was the case for Steph. She was abused by someone her family trusted. This is an honest conversation about why potential danger from within a family, a church...

In this episode, Beth tries to call Steph out for failing to say “Bless You” when someone sneezes. Steph asks why we say “excuse me” or “bless you” in response to normal bodily functions. Why do we have a problem with our bodies doing what they need to do, when they need to do it? This is an honest conversation about politeness and social conventions that we take on without even thinking about the...

Experts say that hate against AAPI (Asian American Pacific Islander) communities has risen during the COVID-19 pandemic. In this episode, Steph and Beth are joined by Beth’s friend, Dr. Su Wang. Beth and Su grew up together in Pensacola, Florida. Su says that during those days, she tried to assimilate into the White community and sometimes felt embarrassed by her family’s Taiwanese roots. Su now p...

Some people are talking about weight gain during the pandemic as their “COVID-19,” a nod to the “Freshman 15” (the idea that people often gain fifteen pounds during their first year of college). This prompted Steph and Beth to have a conversation Beth has been avoiding—a conversation about weight, body size, and health. Beth has been overweight her entire life and she knows that most people look a...

After a year of living under the weight of a pandemic, we have a new hope; we have vaccines! Steph and Beth each chose to get vaccinated for COVID-19, but they also recognize there are reasons why some folks are hesitant. This is an honest conversation about COVID, vaccines, and how we can make space for disagreement in the midst of hope. Buy the host a coffee and/or tea: https://www.buymeacoffee....

Dese’Rae Stage, creator of Live Through This, joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about suicide. Dese’Rae is a suicidologist and a suicide attempt survivor. She created Live Through This to reduce the stigma and shame around suicide by giving suicide attempt survivors a chance to tell their stories. Too often, suicidality is described using impersonal statistics and anonymous reports....

Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what sin is, what it isn’t, and who decides. They delve into the ethics of sin by asking questions like: If murder is sin then is the executioner who carries out the death penalty committing a sin? And in what ways is sin individual and in what ways is it communal? Are there things that are okay for some people to do, but sinful when done by others?...

What does your name say about who you are? In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the connection between name and identity. Beth talks about her ill-fated middle-school attempt to go by her actual name (Elizabeth). She also talks about the decision to change her children’s names when they were adopted. She explains that, while their Russian names were special and importa...

Never underestimate the importance of being part of something bigger than yourself. Steph and Beth were each part of Girl Scouts, but Steph took it much farther than most—all the way to the end of high school, in fact! Steph sold cookies and earned badges along the way but as a senior in high school she earned the prestigious Gold Award. In this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation...

Prayer is the ultimate honest conversation. God is not a vending machine and prayer is not about putting in our order. Why do some people have an active prayer life? What do they get out of it? And talking to God is one thing, but what about hearing from God? Is it weird to hear an audible voice and know that it’s God? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about what it’s like for them to tal...

After the “Love? Actually” episode a few weeks ago, a friend asked Steph if—based on what she said in that episode—she might be asexual. After learning a bit about asexuality, Steph and Beth decided to tackle that exact question: Is Steph asexual? Asexuality, represented by the “A” in LGBTQIA, is the absence (or near absence) of sexual attraction or desire for sexual activity. As ever, Steph is vu...

Divorce is a deeply personal, life-changing event that can be hard to talk about. Neither Steph nor Beth has ever been divorced, so they brought in Beth’s friend Christi Gray for this honest conversation. Christi is a lawyer who has specialized exclusively in family law (i.e., divorces and what happens afterward) for ten years. Christi brings not only her professional experience but also her perso...

In episodes 35 and 39, Steph and Beth explored the 2020 Black Lives Matter protests and the reality of white privilege. In this episode they check in on their ongoing learning. They have an honest conversation about why it’s important for white people to do this work for themselves (rather than expecting our black friends to do it) and how our upbringing and educational system can get in the way o...

Some people can casually say, “I love you,” but for others it’s an almost sacred phrase that is reserved for the most special of circumstances and people. Steph and Beth explore their experience with love—the word and the emotion. Beth has been in love with her husband since she was a teenager, but isn’t there more to “love” than romantic love? Steph understood love in a new way when her first nep...

Virtue signaling generally refers to an empty act, but is virtue signaling all bad? We each have virtues that we deem important and sometimes we want to signal them. Plus, awareness is valuable and what seems like a meaningless gesture might bring attention that generates change. What do we do when companies signal virtues we disagree with? Do we stop doing business with them or is that taking it...

How often have you heard someone say, “I’m a good person. I’m not prejudiced!”? Are the two mutually exclusive? Is our desire to label people good and bad at the heart of our inability to admit and address our prejudices? Steph and Beth admit and explore some of their prejudices, where they come from, and how they impact their interactions even today. Steph shares about a prejudice it was hard to...

On January 6, 2020, rioters entered the U.S. Capitol in an attempt to overthrow the government and thwart the certification of the Electoral College results. We’ve launched into 2021 with words straight out of the history books—insurrection, sedition, coup, and treason. Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about how this event has affected them. What is their understanding of what led to thi...

Six years ago Steph’s friend David began revealing to people that he is gay. In this episode, he joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about what that was like. Straight people never have to “come out” to their parents, declaring their attraction to another gender.  When we step back and look at what our LGBTQ+ friends go through, we can see how strange it must be. For David, being hones...

A mentor once told Steph that her hobby and her job had to be two different things. On this episode, Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about jobs and hobbies.  The dichotomy between the work you do for money and the things you do for fun is an old way of looking at things that doesn’t represent today’s lifestyles. To really unpack that question, Steph and Beth have a conversation about ho...

Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about the use of #Blessed. While it can be intended to show appreciation, it also has some troubling implications. If you aren’t #blessed, are you #cursed? Also, what do we mean when we say “God Bless America?” And why do we say “God bless you” when someone sneezes? It turns out if you sneeze around Steph, she probably won’t say a thing! How can we discer...

2020 has been a year like no other. It brought us together and tore us apart all at the same time. We endured debates about the efficacy of wearing a mask AND we endured presidential debates. Police misconduct and brutality brought our need for anti-racist ideas to the forefront. And in the midst of it all we stopped shaking hands, eating in restaurants, and traveling on planes. Steph and Beth hav...

Just as Samuel Moore-Sobel was about to start his sophomore year in high school, his face was burned by sulfuric acid. In a flash, his life was changed forever. Samuel endured many surgeries to address the physical injuries, but soon he realized the emotional trauma he suffered was just as real as the burns on his face. In this episode, Samuel joins Steph and Beth for an honest conversation about...

What does it mean to “cancel” someone? Why does it happen and who gets to decide? Steph and Beth have an honest conversation about canceling, boycotting, and harnessing the power of group think on social media. They talk specifically about JK Rowling and questions about her support for transgender individuals, but also about the broader question of why we want to cancel the people we disagree with...

When we are young children, we think our parents are practically super-human. We think they can do no wrong. We think they follow the rules, especially the ones they set. But, at some point, we realize they are just humans who make mistakes and sometimes break the rules—even rules they come up with themselves. When Steph was 14-years old, her father revealed that he had another daughter; a child b...