Deliver The Profile

With Season 8's "The Pact", Ronnie argues that the world might as well end. The rest of the podcast isn't that dark, but it's still a joyless affair as the hosts try to decipher this tale of Kim Wayans and MacKenzie Phillips as vigilants intent on dragging the guilty until they're skinless bags of guts somewhere between Los Angeles and San Diego. Also discussed: eggos, the NAACP's love of Criminal...

It's the Seaspn 8 premiere, introduction to Prentiss replacement #1 and the series' first season long arc unsub! But more importantly, we've got s disabled unsub, so it's time to get woke and admit a deaf serial killer can do anything another serial killer can do, perhaps more. Sorry this description is so short and terrible, the Nintendo Switch came out and my brains are leaking from lack of slee...

A black guy who looks like The Commish complains about his house being egged. A woman accuses Hotch and Jennifer Boobs Hewitt of not having children. An alcoholic Christian dad forbids his children from going trick or treating because it will make them fat. All these elements and more are included in Season 10's "Boxed In". Additionally, learn why Ronnie would be shit at serial murder and why Jazz...

Mwah! It's the Valentine's Day episode of Deliver The Profile and that means more women getting murdered for the sin of being women interested in sexual activity! We trek to the exotic location of Madison, Wisconsin to find low-risk women (not whores) dead from choking. Is it an unsub, a popular new "novel" or both? Along the way, Ronnie and Jazz explain why Power Rangers' Lord Zedd looks like tha...

Those expecting a stellar episode may be disappointed because recording was derailed continually by Ronnie's coughing. So much so the episode had to be stitched together from recording sessions that took place over two days. Be glad the episode is coherent as it is because it could've been a lot worse. The coughs could've stayed in, for example. This podcast is about "Devil's Night", an unsub who...

The boys are finally back from holiday break and they start off with a doozy: it's another Beyond Borders, "Whispering Death"! In Tokyo, Americans are killing themselves, and the team thinks it's a serial killer, because only the Japanese love suicide. This episode bears that out and Ronnie and Jazz talk about all sorts of stereotypical Japanese things, from Godzilla to the Suicide Forest to Pokem...

It's the holiday season, and since the boys blew through all the Criminal Minds holiday episodes, that means it's time to see how the Ninja Turtles were crowbarred into the season! Why would anyone want to watch the Turtles sing? Why is Leonardo a racist now? What the hell is Splinter? Also: your hosts open up their Christmas presents in a heartwarming display of mutual toleration.

Listen as Ronnie and Jazz do their best to talk about anything other than Season 2's "P911"! They talk crash test dummies, they talk Maury, they talk about a lot of issues that distract from the episode's gross pedophilia. Who gives a fuck if Elle is back at work? Is this Katie Cole meant to be a preexisting character? This was supposed to be episode 50 until someone realized nobody mentioned it w...

You've been waiting for it: Ronnie and Jazz talk shit about Martin Luther King Jr. Er, wait, no, start again. You've been waiting for it: Episode of 50 of Deliver The Profile! It's a lavish affair; Jazz is drinking a beer and Ronnie is drinking tap water. "If The Shoe Fits" is about a woman whose engagement with fantasy turns homicidal, but this isn't about someone who compares Hillary Clinton to...

It's time to die, or more accurately time to do an episode of everyone's least favorite spinoff, Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders! This one takes us to Egypt, and wouldn't you know it, there are camels, pyramids and the Sphinx. And gays! "Denial" raises so many questions. Why the fuck are they assaulting viewers with an unnecessary Garcia appearance? Does every unsub on this show have to commit suic...

In an unfocused (to say the least) episode, Ronnie and Jazz mostly talk about sex but occasionally manage to discuss Season 7's "A Family Affair". The unsub is in a wheelchair, so he's of course compared to our most well-known wheelchair celebrities. All this and more!

On this episode of the podcast, Ronnie and Jazz talk about Season 3's "Tabula Rasa", a yarn about a serial killer who suffers from amnesia. It also contains flashbacks to when Morgan wore a suit to work and Reid was a premature irritating genius. Much is discussed, from the inanity of brain fingerprinting to how the show further proves Ronnie's contention that adopted children are evil. Plus: Ronn...

Deliver The Profile will never be the same, because all Trump references will now be preceded by either President-Elect or President. It's a wonder the hosts haven't killed themselves. Well, they have a job to do, and that's to talk about the Season 11 premiere of Criminal Minds, "The Job". There's a new profiler, a new imaginary life, and of course some new threats. Someone's killing people and p...

Election! Election! Election! You're tired of hearing about it, but Deliver The Profile is adding to the overload by covering "Face to Face", a Season 1 episode of Night Man! What's Night Man? Why is the Criminal Minds podcast covering it? What does it have to do with the election? These are all important questions answered within the podcast. Put shortly, Ronnie and Jazz wanted an outlet to talk...

It's okay, we'll get through another fucking Suspect Behavior episode (this one? the much promised snipe off, "One Shot Kill"). Tangents dominate more than usual, with a lot more discussion of Osmosis Jones than anyone ever asked for. Learn how the military drafts soldiers, whether or not Harry Potter believes in vaccinations, and what the term "Mick Rawson" means.

Deliver the Profile is back to talk about the second ever episode of Criminal Minds, primarily to determine whether or not Gideon got shot after the pilot's cliffhanger. Spoilers: he's not. But there's all sorts of things of importance and merit here, such as the introduction of JJ (she was ALWAYS superfluous), a Nine Inch Nails song and Gideon unleashing his insult power to foil another unsub. Th...

Hey, it's Ronnie and Jazz doing something they actually like, and that's Talkin' 'Bout Turtles. What made them resurrect the whenever-we-feel-like-it podcast? Well, partially because of the podcast's 1st anniversary and partially because the Ninja Turtles/Power Rangers crossover really, really sucked. Why do the Turtles think the Power Rangers are fake but their archfoe isn't? Is the Red Ranger a...

One year! One year ago (or so) Ronnie and Jazz embarked on their journey to podcast about every episode of Criminal Minds (plus some other bullshit) and to commemorate the occasion there's special guests and a look back at the episode that started it all, "Extreme Aggressor"! Why is Morgan distrustful of this Gideon guy? Why does Seattle credibly look like Seattle? What the fuck is DJ Qualls? Thes...

Season 4's "Soul Mates" is pretty gay, you guys, and Criminal Minds knows it. It's a love story between men in which they consummate by raping and killing teenage girls. In other words it's a classic CBS love story. For the rest of the podcast, Ronnie reviews the FOX program Pitch, Jazz talks about drinking motor oil and Deliver the Profile briefly flirts with becoming a completely different podca...

Jazz and Ronne return to their mutual hometown of Milwaukee with Season 9's "Rabid". It's the most Wisconsin-centric episode yet, as Scott Walker and Ron Johnson are brought up and bitched about. Also bitched about: this episode's totally inaccurate Milwaukee. From the buses to the number of abandoned buildings, it's clear no one did their homework. And no, this has nothing to do with the David Cr...

It's Beyond Borders week at Deliver The Profile, and that means Ronnie and Jazz are depressed, disgusted and want to be anywhere but in the DTP basement bar. In this special totally intended to be released on 9/11 episode, everyone goes to Mumbai, California and Beyond Borders tackles another fear of white people who go to foreign countries: EDM festvials. Er, organ theft. Why are there "good" org...

It's the special Labor Day episode of Deliver the Profile, which is not released on Labor Day, which doesn't mention Labor Day, and doesn't cover a Criminal Minds episode even tangentially related to Labor Day. What can you expect from a podcast that celebrates Halloween in April? Up to bat is "Fate", wherein a woman with a shitty wig goes around kills people. Sounds like Cherry Falls all over aga...

Ronnie barely stays awake and he and Jazz discuss the boring hallucinatory episode "Mr. Scratch"! Could director Matthew Gray Gubler rip off The Grudge any more? How is the unsub so skilled? Why the fuck is Jennifer Love Hewitt on the show, and why aren't her breasts prominent supporting characters? All this and what stupid thing Ron Johnson has said recently on the newest Deliver The Profile! Als...

It's business as UNUSUAL when Ronnie and Jazz, now in their new studio, devote an entire episode to the Hotchtroversy/Kickmageddon. Thomas Gibson (Dharma & Greg, The Terminator) has been fired! Who will give orders and dress down black men now? The boys trace Gibson's problems on and off set over the years as well as discuss where the show can go from here without one of its most important members...

G.g. joins Ronnie to lend his Kansas-based expertise as they discuss Season 7 Episode 7: There's No Place Like Home, aka Attack of the Killer Tornado.