Deliver The Profile

Listen as Ronnie and Jazz do their best to talk about anything other than Season 2's "P911"! They talk crash test dummies, they talk Maury, they talk about a lot of issues that distract from the episode's gross pedophilia. Who gives a fuck if Elle is back at work? Is this Katie Cole meant to be a preexisting character? This was supposed to be episode 50 until someone realized nobody mentioned it w...

You've been waiting for it: Ronnie and Jazz talk shit about Martin Luther King Jr. Er, wait, no, start again. You've been waiting for it: Episode of 50 of Deliver The Profile! It's a lavish affair; Jazz is drinking a beer and Ronnie is drinking tap water. "If The Shoe Fits" is about a woman whose engagement with fantasy turns homicidal, but this isn't about someone who compares Hillary Clinton to...

It's time to die, or more accurately time to do an episode of everyone's least favorite spinoff, Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders! This one takes us to Egypt, and wouldn't you know it, there are camels, pyramids and the Sphinx. And gays! "Denial" raises so many questions. Why the fuck are they assaulting viewers with an unnecessary Garcia appearance? Does every unsub on this show have to commit suic...

In an unfocused (to say the least) episode, Ronnie and Jazz mostly talk about sex but occasionally manage to discuss Season 7's "A Family Affair". The unsub is in a wheelchair, so he's of course compared to our most well-known wheelchair celebrities. All this and more!

On this episode of the podcast, Ronnie and Jazz talk about Season 3's "Tabula Rasa", a yarn about a serial killer who suffers from amnesia. It also contains flashbacks to when Morgan wore a suit to work and Reid was a premature irritating genius. Much is discussed, from the inanity of brain fingerprinting to how the show further proves Ronnie's contention that adopted children are evil. Plus: Ronn...

Deliver The Profile will never be the same, because all Trump references will now be preceded by either President-Elect or President. It's a wonder the hosts haven't killed themselves. Well, they have a job to do, and that's to talk about the Season 11 premiere of Criminal Minds, "The Job". There's a new profiler, a new imaginary life, and of course some new threats. Someone's killing people and p...

Election! Election! Election! You're tired of hearing about it, but Deliver The Profile is adding to the overload by covering "Face to Face", a Season 1 episode of Night Man! What's Night Man? Why is the Criminal Minds podcast covering it? What does it have to do with the election? These are all important questions answered within the podcast. Put shortly, Ronnie and Jazz wanted an outlet to talk...

It's okay, we'll get through another fucking Suspect Behavior episode (this one? the much promised snipe off, "One Shot Kill"). Tangents dominate more than usual, with a lot more discussion of Osmosis Jones than anyone ever asked for. Learn how the military drafts soldiers, whether or not Harry Potter believes in vaccinations, and what the term "Mick Rawson" means.

Deliver the Profile is back to talk about the second ever episode of Criminal Minds, primarily to determine whether or not Gideon got shot after the pilot's cliffhanger. Spoilers: he's not. But there's all sorts of things of importance and merit here, such as the introduction of JJ (she was ALWAYS superfluous), a Nine Inch Nails song and Gideon unleashing his insult power to foil another unsub. Th...

Hey, it's Ronnie and Jazz doing something they actually like, and that's Talkin' 'Bout Turtles. What made them resurrect the whenever-we-feel-like-it podcast? Well, partially because of the podcast's 1st anniversary and partially because the Ninja Turtles/Power Rangers crossover really, really sucked. Why do the Turtles think the Power Rangers are fake but their archfoe isn't? Is the Red Ranger a...

One year! One year ago (or so) Ronnie and Jazz embarked on their journey to podcast about every episode of Criminal Minds (plus some other bullshit) and to commemorate the occasion there's special guests and a look back at the episode that started it all, "Extreme Aggressor"! Why is Morgan distrustful of this Gideon guy? Why does Seattle credibly look like Seattle? What the fuck is DJ Qualls? Thes...

Season 4's "Soul Mates" is pretty gay, you guys, and Criminal Minds knows it. It's a love story between men in which they consummate by raping and killing teenage girls. In other words it's a classic CBS love story. For the rest of the podcast, Ronnie reviews the FOX program Pitch, Jazz talks about drinking motor oil and Deliver the Profile briefly flirts with becoming a completely different podca...

Jazz and Ronne return to their mutual hometown of Milwaukee with Season 9's "Rabid". It's the most Wisconsin-centric episode yet, as Scott Walker and Ron Johnson are brought up and bitched about. Also bitched about: this episode's totally inaccurate Milwaukee. From the buses to the number of abandoned buildings, it's clear no one did their homework. And no, this has nothing to do with the David Cr...

It's Beyond Borders week at Deliver The Profile, and that means Ronnie and Jazz are depressed, disgusted and want to be anywhere but in the DTP basement bar. In this special totally intended to be released on 9/11 episode, everyone goes to Mumbai, California and Beyond Borders tackles another fear of white people who go to foreign countries: EDM festvials. Er, organ theft. Why are there "good" org...

It's the special Labor Day episode of Deliver the Profile, which is not released on Labor Day, which doesn't mention Labor Day, and doesn't cover a Criminal Minds episode even tangentially related to Labor Day. What can you expect from a podcast that celebrates Halloween in April? Up to bat is "Fate", wherein a woman with a shitty wig goes around kills people. Sounds like Cherry Falls all over aga...

Ronnie barely stays awake and he and Jazz discuss the boring hallucinatory episode "Mr. Scratch"! Could director Matthew Gray Gubler rip off The Grudge any more? How is the unsub so skilled? Why the fuck is Jennifer Love Hewitt on the show, and why aren't her breasts prominent supporting characters? All this and what stupid thing Ron Johnson has said recently on the newest Deliver The Profile! Als...

It's business as UNUSUAL when Ronnie and Jazz, now in their new studio, devote an entire episode to the Hotchtroversy/Kickmageddon. Thomas Gibson (Dharma & Greg, The Terminator) has been fired! Who will give orders and dress down black men now? The boys trace Gibson's problems on and off set over the years as well as discuss where the show can go from here without one of its most important members...

G.g. joins Ronnie to lend his Kansas-based expertise as they discuss Season 7 Episode 7: There's No Place Like Home, aka Attack of the Killer Tornado. 

It's the end of an era as Ronnie and Jazz say goodbye to the show...'s recording studio. Surrounded by boxes and bereft of dishes and silverware, the pair nonetheless spend over an hour discussing Dean Cain in "Snake Eyes"! He's a gambling man whose luck correlates to him killing people. Is this story based on Dean Cain's real life? It's clear he hasn't killed anybody lately or his career would be...

Ronnie and Jazz talk about Season 5's "Public Enemy" which has nothing to do with the groundbreaking rap group of same name. Or does it? No, no, it doesn't. Set in Providence, Rhode Island, California, the team must find an unsub who's killing people at historic and important locations in the community. You know, like the laundromat. Along the way, Ronnie and Jazz discuss the episode of Deliver Th...

Ronnie and Jazz welcome friend and collaborator John F. Rammspieler to the studio as they discuss Season 4's "Brother in Arms"! John has never seen Criminal Minds before, so the seasoned veterans pick his brain to see what he thinks of things that have now become commonplace to them. This is also DTP's Salute The Cops episode, as the Criminal Minds hour deals with an unsub ambushing cops and killi...

Ronnie and Jazz go old school with Season 1's "Plain Sight"! It's about a rapist who glues women's eyes open, so of course it's a lighthearted jaunt. Will the hosts remember the brunette lady's name? Why, four episodes into the series run, did Criminal Minds decide to do a birthday episode? At least San Diego means Southern California doesn't have to ape another location. What do Tony Gwynn and th...

Joe Mantegna catches Nicholas Brendon coming out of the shower. That's really the only description this podcast about the episode needs.

Jazz is drinking, Ronnie isn't, Jazz is angry, Ronnie is subdued. It's not Bizarro Day, it's the boys' first effort at reviewing Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders! The pilot, "The Harmful One", takes the IRT (who cares what it stands for) to Thailand, and it's a race to see who's more ignorant about the locale, the show or this podcast. Other topics include what is up with Gary Sinise's skull, what i...

[yawn] Sorry, but if you saw "See No Evil", the third episode of Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior, you'd understand. In a much shorter episode than usual, Ronnie and Jazz try to talk about anything other than the episode. They discuss the latest casting news for Criminal Minds Season 12, how to ruin David Caruso's life and Jazz finds out whose sister Justine Bateman is after all.