Deliver The Profile

In "The Witching Hour", someone is using a sledgehammer to kill adulterers. Is it prop comic Gallagher? Is it prop comic Gallagher's brother, Gallagher Too? It turns out to be something substantially dumber. 

"Body Count" continues the season apace with a story about another Sicarius victim popping up. Or are they? That's what the episode is about, and Ronnie and Jazz have to suffer through it.

Alvez loses a loved one--who could it possibly be???--and Criminal Minds takes aim at those who really deserve a talking to: true crime podcasts, and podcasting in general. "Cluster" also features an unsub who's lobotomizing folks, and the BAU can't have that. That's not good for business, and it's especially important because these victims are related to The Troops, who must never be besmirched. 

We discuss "Now and Then".

Ronnie and Jazz cover the last episode until Evolution Season 4/Season 19 overall, "Birthright". Someone is killing women in a manner reminscent of 27 year old cold cases. Could it be the same man? Sure. Or not. Listen to find out.

Daniel Daughhetee joins Ronnie in talking about Season 9's "Persuasion", an episode with close up magic, hypnosis and various other things the hosts detest. Drowned bodies are showing up in...the middle of the desert? Truly the answer to this mystery is much less interesting than you'd think. Also, what's up with Reid's mom? Could they just not afford Jane Lynch or is something nefarious afoot? Ch...

Ronnie and Jazz subject themselves to the xenophobia and hate hour, Criminal Minds; Beyond Borders! This time, "Cinderella and the Dragon" takes us to Singapore and it's the most inaccurate episode yet. Singporans HATE this one. So do Ronnie and Jazz!

Keep on Truckin' "Month" keeps on truckin' with "Solitary Man", a story about a man who just wants a mother for his daughter and is willing to abduct and kill to do it. This is an uncharacteristically short episode, please forgive us, but there really isn't that much to say about a guy who reframes his serial murder as fairy tales for his daughter. 

This week Ronnie and Jazz have some sad news about a beloved cast member of Criminal Minds, some sad news about the continued existence of Criminal Minds: Evolution, and some sad news about the episode "Compromising Positions", mainly that it sucks. It's about swingers and for that reason numbers among the grossest of Criminal Minds episodes. It's about swingers and for that reason numbers among t...

Ronnie and Jazz deal with truckers, truck stops and the way of the road in "The Bond", a show about a serial killer who lives to please his mother. Don't think it's too much like Psycho; it's not because Psycho is great and this sucks. Starring Bullseye from the Daredevil show and Veronica Cartwright, "The Bond" asks the pivotal question: would you kill your girlfriend if your mom said so? The ans...

Here's your fucking slop about slop. Enjoy it.

As a vacation from ourselves, the boys at Deliver The Profile dispense with Criminal Minds for the week in favor of an episode of S.W.A.T., the CBS procedural starring Criminal Minds muscle man Shemar Moore. "Never Again" has the team trying to foil jewel heists with a twist that you will not see coming unless you've been huffing the same freon the writers room has. Also, Chris the bisexual S.W.A....

In "Demons", Season 9 comes to a close and so does Jeanne Tripplehorn's character. The Bible Pimp is getting away, Reid has been shot, a conspiracy is afoot. Who is the unsub, really? Find all that and more in this episode of Deliver The Profile, delivered directly to you, the listener.

The show celebrates its 350th episode in style with "Angels", a Season 9 two-parter that closes that season. Who is the culprit behind these prostitute murders? Is it a fake preacher or some real sheriff's deputies? Perhaps it could be both. The boys try to reason their way through what is some pretty egregious nonsense.

How do you make a sexual slavery Ariel Castro story compelling and, uh, not gross? You hire Daniel Roebuck and remind Ronnie and Jazz of that time he portrayed Jay Leno in The Late Shift. "Hostage" is basically what would happen if instead of holding late night television hostage Leno did it to three girls. Ronnie kept kicking this one down the schedule but Criminal Minds should've just led with "...

Criminal Minds throws us a curveball with "The Edge of Winter", a format bender that mostly takes place in flashbacks. That doesn't make the episode good, of course, just different. Morgan and the gang try to prep a witness for an upcoming court case; already this is an outlier because in 85% of cases the team just shoots the unsub before anyone can go to trial. Does the witness know more than she...

"Distress" time: Holt McCallany has gone native and it's up to the inteprid profilers of Criminal Minds to stop him before he kills again. Ronnie and Jazz discuss Black Hawk Down, the crime rate in Houston, and how annoying Reid's drug arc is. "Distress" caps off our Season 2 sojourn; hope you survived the experience!

Criminal Minds covers race relations...or do they? "Fear and Loathing" feints at that but instead is about how men will lure women into being murdered with promises of music stardom. Also, Reid continues to deal with his onset of drug addiction, bringing to mind that season of 24 where Jack was hooked on heroin or The French Connection II. Ronnie and Jazz will make it make sense for you as always.

The Deliver The Profile boys are back in 2026 to cover Season 2's "Revelations", which obviously is part 2 to "The Big Game"'s part 1. James Van Der Beek has Reid captive and the kid's having tragic backstory-relevant flashbacks amidst the torture. JJ freaks out on Morgan, Prentiss is a cool cucumber and Hotch definitely doesn't put himself in front of the team. Find out if Reid survives the wrath...

It's "The Big Game", because for legal reasons CBS cannot call it the Super Bowl. We can though, so fuck it. After the Super Bowl, a couple is murdered for having too many possessions. The culprit is someone named Raphael, meaning either an archangel or a ninja turtle is committing heinous crimes. This episode also shows what the BAU does in a party setting, and it's vaguely pathetic. (Reid does S...

In this episode of Criminal Minds, the BAU goes rat hunting in "Internal Affairs", even though it's a different branch of government and all the conflict about policing your own is lost. Didn't we see The Departed, anyone? This is all part of the Season 11 Dirty Dozen we are obligated to cover it eventually, but we're so darned annoyed by this storyline that we'll only give 100% instead of 110% li...

Criminal Minds, in "Full Tilt Boogie" from Season 13, addresses the opioid epidemic plaguing America's (white) communities the same way it addresses every societal issue in its purview: poorly. Learn what an Mhm is in the latest episode of Deliver The Profile, your stalwart defense against the forces of bad procedural television.

Here it is: the LAST episode EVER of Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. Don't worry, we've still got like five episodes left to do, but this is chronologically the last one. It has everything: an evil clown, William Forsythe, Russia, ballerinas, an agent shot in the line of duty, and, of course, an "Everything's Okay" dinner. This was a television show that aired during prime time, and we are all les...

Deliver The Profile celebrates its 10th year on the air with "Dorado Falls", a paranoid thriller about an ex-soldier who thinks his family has been replaced by impostors. Also, Morgan makes Prentiss do extra training because he's a dick. Thanks for listening, if you're a longtime fan or if this is your first time.

An episode so not rife with incident Ronnie and Jazz couldn't even squeeze an hour of podcasting out of it. Just because it's the shortest podcast in years does not mean it's without its merits as DTP covers "Target Rich", an episode in which Rossi's long lost daughter comes asking for a favor. Thankfully, the favor is "find a serial killer" and not "be an active father", so Rossi is up to the job...