Deliver The Profile

It's season finale time for Criminal Minds' tenth year, but that doesn't mean Deliver The Profile is taking any time off. Besides the delay for this episode caused by a power outage, of course. "The Hunt" puts Jennifer Love Hewitt's very own niece-daughter in danger and serves as a swan song to a character the hosts have regarded as "not Prentiss". This episode features a Garry Chalk lookalike, a...

In the Deliver The Profile episode covering Criminal Minds' penultimate Season 10 episode, "Protection", Ronnie reviews the bootleg Night Man DVD set he bought at a comic book convention, the hosts give each other space names, and a piece of trivia leads to what Ronnie calls "the single most hilarious death I've ever read about". Also, the Criminal Minds episode ends on a cliffhanger so that means...

"Broken Mirror" is an early episode of Criminal Minds, and it might be the best episode of the show? It definitely isn't the best episode of the podcast – there's some audio issues and Ronnie is even lower energy than usual. But if you make it through the thing you'll get to hear about identical twins, that season of Ninja Turtles where they went to Europe for some reason, Nicholas Brendon's twin...

This episode of Deliver The Profile, covering Season 8's "The Wheels on the Bus" has it all: discussions about video games, bad Nicholas Brendon impressions (are there any other kind?), ruminations on "the drinking days", complaining about the Milwaukee Brewers and a CRAZY FAN THEORY that definitely should become true. Come on, it's Criminal Minds trying to do a video games episode. It's gonna be...

Ronnie and Jazz barely talk about the Beyond Borders episode "The Lonely Heart" because there's really not that much to talk about. Instead they review Walter Hill's The Assignment, discuss the implications of the planet of the apes and resolve to not cover another episode of Beyond Borders for a while.

After a nearly month long hiatus, Deliver The Profile is back to talk about one of their favorite topics: Jerry Orbach's eyes. That's because the episode "Anonymous" is about a man trying to kill his way through the organ donor process. Meanwhile, Rossi's Vietnam buddy dies and we all pretend to be sad. Jazz's taste in beer is questioned and Ronnie reveals why he's not an organ donor. Didn't you m...

Episode 200, folks! No, not of the podcast, but the show. Criminal Minds. It's an extravagant affair that contains guest appearances, flashbacks and someone threatening to rape a main character. But that's not all the boys discuss! There's the creation of a PODCAST BEEF, an exploration into how Louis C.K.'s sex crimes could be mitigated, Criminal Minds' total lack of exploration into the War on Te...

Deliver the Profile is back to its regular schedule after a series of irritating delays. Returning to the Ballad of Joe Mantegna's Vietnam Buddy, "The Road Home" is also about a homeless vigilante raising hell in Drew Carey's Cleveland. Witness him gun down drug manufacturers, wife beaters, joggers and all the rest of society's detritus. It's certainly more interesting than the homeless alkie reco...

A summary of the episode we watched for this edition of the podcast: "A trip among the homeless inspires Rossi to finish his dedication page". Expect a LOT of jokes about the homeless. If you are homeless and are offended by this podcast, please write in and explain why you are able to listen to the show.

Jazz killed a woodchuck and that means everybody has to talk about an episode of Suspect Behavior, "Devotion". Witness the first meeting between Sam Cooper and Penelope Garcia! Learn the importance of DC City Council races! Who has a secret family? Who DOESN'T want a secret family?

Deliver The Profile heads to San Francisco with "True Genius", which is either about a return of the Zodiac Killer, Reid's career woes or a one-sided homosexual love affair. To be fair, any story set in San Francisco is usually one of those things. The hosts get into why the show bringing up a real serial killer is questionable, how blatantly ridiculous Reid's intelligence is, why the show has cel...

It's been a while since we headed into Spinoff City, population 2, and for good reason: they make vanilla Criminal Minds look good by comparison. Episode 5 of 2011's disasterpiece Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior has the non-team team track down a bomber who suffered a horrible loss. Ronnie and Jazz cope with the horrible loss of several hours of their time by talking about Pee Wee Herman, Spider-...

Lillard fever grips the Deliver The Profile basement studio as the podcast talks about Season 8's "The Apprenticeship"! Why does a mustache make Wing Commander actor Matthew Lillard so much creepier? Is it possible to set an episode in Florida that doesn't devolve into Dexter references? Why the hell does Reid have to play on the whole FBI's softball team? Then there's the tangents, which include...

We fucked up with this one, boys and girls. The episode about "The Perfect Storm" was recorded during a storm, and for some reason during some lightning strikes the equipment fucked up and we lost several minutes of audio. You'll know it when the Deltron 3030 instrumental starts up. Rather than record a whole new show, we give you this one and hope you understand.

In this episode of the podcast, it's a battle of Reid's and Aubrey Plaza's wills as they have a dinner/hostage negotiation in the culmination of the Season 11 hitman storyline you never cared about in the first place. What's Reid's problem this time? Why can the writers never come up with a female motivation better than 'daddy issues'? Is JJ completely useless? Also, the hosts talk about rape in c...

Ronnie and Jazz cover perhaps their favorite kind of Criminal Minds episode, the mad scientist episode with "Future Perfect" from Season 11. Someone in Florida is conducting medical experiments to keep the elderly alive and it involves blood swappin', animal DNA and meeting coeds at cemeteries. It's a great jumping off point for discussion which leads to Ronnie debuting a new impression and the du...

Not a dream! Not a hallucination! Not an imaginary story! Ronnie and Jazz went to the cinema and wound up wasting hours of their lives on Power Rangers, from the same people who brought you Big Bad Beetleborgs and Ninja Turtles: The New Mutation! Why is this Power Rangers without Power Rangers? Where's the fat guy who runs the juice bar? Why bull semen? It's a confusing mess that makes The Breakfa...

On this dark and stormy night (of recording), Deliver The Profile goes back to Season 3 to tackle "Identity"! It's got a killer who blows himself up in the opening credits, a copycat, an obstinate group of Montanans and manifesto torture videos so shocking it gets Garcia to finally shut the fuck up for once. The usual off-topic nonsense applies, with digressions into Dirtworld, bullying and Power...

With Season 8's "The Pact", Ronnie argues that the world might as well end. The rest of the podcast isn't that dark, but it's still a joyless affair as the hosts try to decipher this tale of Kim Wayans and MacKenzie Phillips as vigilants intent on dragging the guilty until they're skinless bags of guts somewhere between Los Angeles and San Diego. Also discussed: eggos, the NAACP's love of Criminal...

It's the Seaspn 8 premiere, introduction to Prentiss replacement #1 and the series' first season long arc unsub! But more importantly, we've got s disabled unsub, so it's time to get woke and admit a deaf serial killer can do anything another serial killer can do, perhaps more. Sorry this description is so short and terrible, the Nintendo Switch came out and my brains are leaking from lack of slee...

A black guy who looks like The Commish complains about his house being egged. A woman accuses Hotch and Jennifer Boobs Hewitt of not having children. An alcoholic Christian dad forbids his children from going trick or treating because it will make them fat. All these elements and more are included in Season 10's "Boxed In". Additionally, learn why Ronnie would be shit at serial murder and why Jazz...

Mwah! It's the Valentine's Day episode of Deliver The Profile and that means more women getting murdered for the sin of being women interested in sexual activity! We trek to the exotic location of Madison, Wisconsin to find low-risk women (not whores) dead from choking. Is it an unsub, a popular new "novel" or both? Along the way, Ronnie and Jazz explain why Power Rangers' Lord Zedd looks like tha...

Those expecting a stellar episode may be disappointed because recording was derailed continually by Ronnie's coughing. So much so the episode had to be stitched together from recording sessions that took place over two days. Be glad the episode is coherent as it is because it could've been a lot worse. The coughs could've stayed in, for example. This podcast is about "Devil's Night", an unsub who...

The boys are finally back from holiday break and they start off with a doozy: it's another Beyond Borders, "Whispering Death"! In Tokyo, Americans are killing themselves, and the team thinks it's a serial killer, because only the Japanese love suicide. This episode bears that out and Ronnie and Jazz talk about all sorts of stereotypical Japanese things, from Godzilla to the Suicide Forest to Pokem...

It's the holiday season, and since the boys blew through all the Criminal Minds holiday episodes, that means it's time to see how the Ninja Turtles were crowbarred into the season! Why would anyone want to watch the Turtles sing? Why is Leonardo a racist now? What the hell is Splinter? Also: your hosts open up their Christmas presents in a heartwarming display of mutual toleration.