Deliver The Profile

Episode 106 represents a turning point for the podcast. The hosts' bemusement at the CBS procedural's continuance into its third presidential administration has turned to outright disdain following an explosive piece in Variety about the show's longtime director of photography being a known nutgrabber. (LISTENERS OF A SENSITIVE DISPOSITION: consider skipping the first 40 minutes of this podcast if...

This was recorded right before a Brewers playoff game, so if things seem rushed and haphazard then that is the culprit. This week Ronnie and Jazz anxiously eye the clock while discussing "Heathridge Manor", which for Deliver The Profile and Criminal Minds may as well be the Halloween show for the year, despite it being mid-November for the podcast and Criminal Minds originally airing it in April....

Business as UNUSUAL at Deliver The Profile headquarters with this episode, since "Psychodrama" contains elements that are a relative rarity. It has the original cast (that means Jason Gideon and Elle What's Her Name) and the unsub commits robbery and sexual assault, two things that are not too often seen on Criminal Minds. The unsub robs banks and makes anyone there strip. It's a lot less sexy tha...

It's a truth self-evident that ride sharing services such as Uber and Lyft exist only to rape and kill. (And that's just what they do to their employees/independent contractors/jail cover! Womp womp.) Criminal Minds puts that into practice with "Drive", a Season 11 yawner in which a driver is killing people. Or is he merely POSING as a driver? Who cares, really. The hosts sure don't, instead takin...

The Brewers lost to the fucking Dodgers and life is meaningless. But you don't care about that, do you? You care about the new episode of DELIVER THE PROFILE! This time it's an entry into uncharted waters: Season 13! Who are all these new people? Why did Paget Brewster get replaced by a pod person? Is Joe Mantegna gradually becoming some sort of Tamarin? The reason for this episode is summed up in...

It's back to normal for Deliver The Profile, as Ronnie and Jazz discuss "Closing Time", a boring episode of vanilla CM that doesn't even have the courtesy to use either the Semisonic song or even the instrumental off Tom Waits' album of same name. Boring normalcy is the point, though, as "Closing Time" is a Criminal Minds classic straight from the seventh season, about a guy cutting dicks off, wra...

Here it is! After nearly three years, Deliver The Profile (your ONLY Criminal Minds podcast) hits 100 episodes! Except we also did episodes that didn't count in the official numbering. Forget those! It's NUMBER ONE HUNDRED, BABY! We're hoping the milestone distracts from the fact that it's an episode of the Jack Garrett Imperialism Power Hour, aka Criminal Minds: Beyond Borders. "Type A" features...

It's a sign that this episode of Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior isn't very interesting (besides it BEING an episode of Criminal Minds: Suspect Behavior) when Ronnie spends a good portion of the 80 minutes just recapping movies he's seen recently, such as Bringing Down the House and Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom. "Nighthawk" is about a man who beats ugly guys with glasses to death with a basebal...

Think of this as saving the best for last: "It Takes A Village", the finale to the Doyle saga, premiered in the fall much like this episode of Deliver the Profile. Ronnie and Jazz discuss cast changes, the stupid retcons to Prentiss' backstory, the sense of anti-climax and how the BAU is seriously corrupt. Feel good, gentle listeners, for Prentisspalooza is OVER.

Penultimate Prentisspalooza is a momentous one, as Paget Brewster leaves the show for the first (but not the last) time! It all comes down to this...and it's pretty disappointing, just a lot of a woman being tortured and, indeed, a SECRET SON introduced within the last 15 minutes of the episode. Ronnie and Jazz discuss a lot, from Seaver's ineptitude to what Doyle REALLY did to be on the American...

Part 7 of Prentisspalooza comin' at ya! Yes, it's been almost a month since a new episode. No, there's no compelling argument for why it took this long to come out. The dog days of summer, everyone. Anyway, "Valhalla" kicks the Irish subplot into...gear...as Prentiss archenemy Doyle finally does things besides enter and exit modes of transportation. Is it an improvement? Not really. But Paget Brew...

There's no two ways about it: Season 6 is godawful. "Coda" is in the running for the worst episode of the series, and that's not just because the crux of it involves Reid bonding with an autistic boy in order to solve the case. Ronnie and Jazz make the most of it by analyzing the dumbest shit in the episode, go on a riff that reduces them both to tears and get into a spirited discussion on whether...

Sorry for the delay, but hopefully this episode being over 2 hours long will make up for it! In "Today I Do", the profilers must find a self-help devotee who goes too far in helping wayward women, while Ronnie and Jazz discover the greatest character since the Meat Pimp, Lyle. Meanwhile, the Prentiss storyline slowly moves forward, Seaver continues to be a dumbass and Rossi screams at Major League...

It's that time again: Suspect Behavior week! Prentisspalooza is taking a break in favor of nobody's favorite 2011 spinoff starring an Oscar winner and the chick from Reality Bites. In "Jane", a man who looks a lot like another podcast's host, commits heinous bodily mutilation while the Red Cell squad team group try to figure out what her name and identity is. Guest starring a couple (other) guys f...

Have you ever wondered what would happen if Travis Bickle participated in the plot of Perfume? Wonder no more, for "Sense Memory" provides a reasonable approximation. Prentisspalooza rolls on as Prentiss is curious about her apartment's security, we meet an important side character, and we're subject to an incomprehensible flashback. Meanwhile, Ronnie managed to cut out all of his coughing from th...

What better way to kick off Prentiss' interminable Irish storyline than an episode about alcoholic spree killers? "The Thirteenth Step" is widely considered one of the series' worst...by fans of Criminal Minds, so that translates to it not being that bad. Ray Donovan (not Liev Schreiber) and the girl from the Wonder Woman pilot are killing convenience store denizens and child molesters across the...

Reid also goes, but including him would impede the catchiness of the title. In an odd turn for Criminal Minds, "Lessons Learned" is about the BAU trying to thwart a terrorist attack, because apparently their purview consists of 'all crimes'. Prentiss must prove her mettle to stand shoulder to shoulder with the big boys, and she does it...supposedly. Ronnie and Jazz mourn a beloved Criminal Minds s...

Morgan Madness is OVER, say hello to Prentisspalooza! For the next few months, Deliver The Profile will be delving into the most beloved of Criminal Minds' dark haired ladies, beginning with her debut episode, "The Last Word"! It just so happens she does nothing in it, only appearing in the first and last scene. But there's two unsubs, one of whom is a corpse fucker, does that make up for things?...

It's April Fools Easter, so that means Jesus is still dead and loving it. Nobody's moving that rock. That also means Deliver The Profile goes off format - a week after also going off format - with a 2 hour long plus dissection of Nicholas Brendon's masterpiece of filmmaking, Pinata Survival Island, aka Demon Island, aka Pinata Island, aka Island Demon Pinata Beach Party! A pinata awakens and kills...

Thank the maker, for Morgan Madness has finally ended! After more than a month away, Deliver The Profile gives the fans what it wants: a podcast not about Criminal Minds. Yes, Ronnie and Jazz delve into the first episode of Shemar Moore's new show, S.W.A.T., the third and it's safe to say dumbest attempt to make the premise work. Is the head of a police unit really who's going to heal the racial d...

Ronnie spills his club soda and that's about all that happens in "What Happens in Mecklinburg", a location that does not in fact exist. There's precious little to talk about despite a person in a pig mask, a person in a pig mask wielding a taser and relitigation of the sordid bacchanal we call college life. The end is in sight for Morgan Madness, people. It's the penultimate one.

It's an episode called "The Boys of Sudworth Place", it's part of Morgan Madness, you do the math. Jeffrey Nordling, who played the jerk coach in D3: Mighty Ducks, is playing something much worse. Ronnie and Jazz also talk about general topics pertinent to the show, like why does the team always break down doors. Do they ever get warrants or is that considered lame and momentum killer? Also: terri...

Morgan Madness trundles onward as Ronnie and Jazz finish up the missing cousin storyline introduced in last episode's "Big Sea" with this episode's "The Company". How was the initial investigation botched so badly? Why doesn't Morgan's mother make an appearance? Is JJ a better character when she's mean? All these and more will be answered as Deliver The Profile enters the second month of the year.

Season 6's "Big Sea" is so bad, so full of Rachel Nichols, that the hosts spend most of their time talking about 90s television shows, from Party of Five to The Crow: Stairway to Heaven. It's a rough one, people, and Morgan Madness shows no signs of stopping. Here Morgan has to contend with his aunt asking if a resurfaced dead body belongs to his cousin. Can't she just forward anti-Obama chain let...

The first Deliver The Profile episode of the new year covers "Restoration", a Season 8 episode that continues the saga of Morgan getting molested. If you like men with their pants down, Rango and phony conversions to Islam, this is the episode for you.