Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship

After a trip to Chicago to say goodbye to my childhood house, I appreciated how even one meal with your long distance friends means so much. You need time with your long distance friends, but not as much time as you think. You don't need full weekends away, though of course those are nice. You don't need long retreats in fancy resorts or expensive rental houses. Yes, it's true that wit...

Jill Smokler is the creator of Scary Mommy, one of the most original and successful mom blogs ever. She was also the first mom blogger to sell her site to a major media company. But Dear Nina is not a business podcast, and this is not a discussion about business regrets or rebranding. Jill was recently diagnosed with brain cancer. And since Jill is also my real-life friend from college , this epis...

Episode #103: Friendship meet-cutes, the perfect jacket or blazer, fashion emergencies solved by our friends, making the first friendship move, and more. I'm talking to Rachel Levy Lesser of Life's Accessories: The Podcast for a fun crossover episode. We covered: Some personal friendship "meet-cutes" that mean more to us than our former romantic meet-cutes. Yes, our stories include...

Shasta Nelson , friendship expert extraordinaire, joins me to discuss how and why to be honest with friends when we're upset with them. Our friendships CAN survive tough conversations, hurt feelings, and conflict. AND, our overall social health will improve when we learn to get through the hard stuff with our friends. Meet Shasta Nelson: Shasta Nelson is a leading expert and author on social r...

It's the first official "ask me anything" episode in honor of 100 episodes! The questions came from my anonymous inbox , my Facebook group ( Dear Nina: The Group) , or through Instagram and TikTok -- both @dearninafriendship. I had a great time answering questions and I couldn't even get to everything so I will keep doing these every so often. Some of the topics I covered in under...

They say camp friends are the best friends. Why? At camp there are no screens, you take risks, parents aren't breathing down your back, and the magic ingredients of endless hours + constant proximity make it possible to create intense, close bonds with kids your age. In this special episode of Dear Nina: Conversations About Friendship, I have voicemails from campers and former campers ages 15-...

Welcome to the 14-day friendship (mindset) cleanse, brainchild of previous Dear Nina guest, Anna Goldfarb, whose book Modern Friendship: How to Nurture Our Most Valued Connections , is finally out in the world. Don't feel put off by the word, "cleanse." This discussion is about reconsidering how you're approaching friendships and how you're treating your closest friends. (And t...

There are five questions I want us to be asking ourselves to get a sense of where our friendships stand. Even if you're not a student or a parent, thinking in school months is a helpful measure of time. Maybe you got some grades. Maybe your kids got grades. Maybe at work you got an evaluation. It's also worth your time to evaluate your friendships and give yourself an honest assessment. An...

Invisible disabilities can turn into a source of shame and unknowingly get in the way of friendships. What is an invisible disability? It's any condition that is not obvious, perhaps even to the closest of friends. Some examples are depression, anxiety, other mental health diagnoses, as well as physical conditions such as chronic pain, fatigue, and too many other examples to list where symptom...

I have been a Gretchen Rubin fan since 2009 when I read The Happiness Project the week it came out. Who could resist that cover and concept? And I cannot believe this, but I got to discuss my favorite topic, friendship, with Gretchen Rubin on Dear Nina. In celebration of Gretchen's paperback release of Life in Five Senses: How Exploring the Senses Got Me Out of My Head and Into the World , I a...

Oversharing, overtalking, undertalking, undersharing, small talk, deep talks, mismatches in vulnerability, and the art of listening---these are the tricky friendship topics we are dealing with today. I'm joined by Micaela Blei, a GrandSLAM-winning storyteller and former founding Director of Education at The Moth. Topics we covered: There is no right or wrong in how much to talk or how much to...

Everyone runs into bumps in their friendships. Trust me, I have a decade's worth of writing material from readers and listeners to prove that point. But when are friendship issues getting to the point where addressing them with a therapist is highly recommended? I'm joined by award-winning psychotherapist, Roxanne Francis, who responded brilliantly and graciously to the five areas of frien...

A quick conversation about the subtle hurts that can make friendship difficult. It's the small slights I cover on Dear Nina in general, not the giant betrayals. Why? The big "stuff" is much more black and white, and we don't need much conversation around whether to stay friends. Today I also have a big instagram tip if you're looking to change your Instagram handle. I changed m...

For anyone who has been hurt by a friend--or a group of friends--recently or in the past, this 14-minute episode is for you. It's a solo episode that came from my reaction to a TikTok video I saw by a woman who was left out of a group trip years ago and has decided she will never trust anyone with her friendship again.  Other titles I considered: (and all relate to this 14-minute episode!) Not...

Dr. Lisa Damour 's latest book, The Emotional Lives of Teenagers  , is out in paperback. On this episode we revisit the best nuggets of my previous conversation with Dr. Lisa, focusing on teen and tween friend groups and all of the anxiety that goes along with parenting a teen who is dealing with not being in a group. We cover teens not liking their place in a group, wishing they had a group,...

Many of us say we would be there for our friends in an emergency, but that's often theory until it's tested. Not everyone can rise to the occasion. And crisis is a time when the friends you want around you and the ones you may need to leave behind (even for just a while) becomes very clear. Kelly Lang, co-author with her husband, Mike, of The Miracle Child: Traumatic Brain Injury and Me is...

Episode #89: Do you ever feel like you or someone you know is just not “good at” friendship? It's never too late to address negative patterns in our friendships or any relationship. Today's guest, author Christie Tate, author of B.F.F.: A Memoir of Friendship Lost and Found , set out to break decades of unhealthy cycles in her friendships. Do you think you "suck at friendship" as C...

Episode #88: Managing differences of opinion with friends can get tricky. An obvious area is politics, but smaller differences also get between friends, like parenting decisions. Examples: parents who give their kids a phone and social media years before the other friend; public vs. private school; where you live; how you vacation---those are not as divisive as politics, but it's an ongoing di...

Today's guest, Rhaina Cohen , author of The Other Significant Others: Reimagining Life with Friendship at the Center , profiles platonic partners in her book who are at different ages and stages of life. Shows like The Golden Girls and Grace & Frankie are beloved by so many, but also treated as a fantasy. What if platonic life partnerships didn't have to be merely a dream? What if you...

Making friends and deepening existing friendships starts with some basic truths. "Every friendship starts with an act of bravery. And every friendship goes to the next level because of someone's act of bravery. " "Do not wait for the other person to make the first move. It's always your turn." These are just two of many wise and thoughtful quotes about making friends and de...

"The more the merrier" is a common expression for good reason. Most of us don't want to be considered exclusive. We want others to feel welcomed and comfortable around us. But there are times when the more the merrier is not the case-- when the group dynamics for a particular event won't work if everyone comes along. In episode 85, I have a tough conversation with Danielle Bayard J...

Yes, you can turn an acquaintance into a friend!  Debra Arbit and I tell our real-life friendship story, which is a great example of going from barely acquaintances to close friends in our 40s. Well, when we met Debra was still in her 30s, but I was in my 40s. We share the emails and texts that move us from office-mates to friends.  Debra and I don't agree on everything, but we do agree that i...

Have you ever befriended your ex's ex? Today's episode focuses on the potential friendship that comes from a shared hurt and a shared healing. I was intrigued when Lara Starr emailed me about her "sister exes." Lara has written extensively in her Substack, It's Kind of a Long Story , about the friendships that came from bonding with the women who were emotionally hurt by the sa...

The friendships formed during difficult, even dark, periods of our lives create a lasting impact unlike any other bond. These friendships "in the trenches" can come in many forms---a health crisis, a traumatic experience, or even experiencing an especially intense work environment with a harsh boss and terrible hours. This week's guest, Jenny Leon, talks about some of the "in the t...

Have you ever held back sharing good news because you sensed a friend wasn't truly celebrating with you? Do you have friends who show up in bad times, but are slow to show support in good times? This episode is for you! I share some thoughts on identifying the friends who want to hear your good news, how to develop more friendships like that, and how to be that kind of friend to others.  Then,...