Conversations on Sex, Addiction, and Relationships

Dating in recovery can feel overwhelming—especially when rigid “plans” feel like homework or too much pressure. In this heartfelt discussion, we explore the Compassionate Structure Plan written by Kim Litton, a flexible daily and weekly checklist designed to support women addicts navigating the dating world without losing their sense of self or feeling overwhelmed. Created as a softer alternative...

In this episode, Allan Katz offers a clear and compassionate map for navigating the phases of sex addiction recovery—not just through abstinence, but through deep character transformation in his new workbook, Navigating the Phases in Sex Addiction Recovery. Using a framework built around values like integrity, ethics, respect, and vulnerability, Allan invites individuals to move from a mindset of...

What happens when sexual addiction doesn’t just take place outside the relationship—but inside it, too? In this conversation, Allan Katz explores how emotional pressure, lack of safety, and compulsive sexual behaviors can deeply affect intimacy within committed partnerships. They discuss how Allan’s workbook guides people toward meaningful change by moving beyond avoidance into emotional connectio...

In this deep-dive April Mailbag episode, the hosts tackle a heartfelt email from a listener in recovery who’s doing everything “right”—meetings, therapy, step work—but still feels shut out by his partner. Why isn’t she engaging? Is it unresolved trauma, burnout, or a deeper disconnection? The team explores common pitfalls in couples healing after betrayal, the power of empathy, the danger of resen...

What should you do when your partner won’t engage, even after you've committed to recovery? In this April Mailbag episode, the hosts discuss the emotional complexities of healing after betrayal—especially when the wounded partner closes off. From the importance of empathy letters and impact processing to resisting defensiveness and building emotional resilience, conversation gives insight is a mus...

In this thought-provoking April Mailbag episode, the hosts unpack a listener's email that dives into the painful space between recovery and reconnection. Why do some partners struggle to re-engage even when the addict is “doing the work”? Is it unresolved trauma, unspoken resentment, or just the truth of incompatibility? With candid insights into addiction, healing, and the emotional toll of long-...

Kink. Fetishes. BDSM. Are they expressions of healthy sexuality—or signs of addiction and unresolved trauma? In this powerful and nuanced conversation, Dr. Stefanie Carnes joins the Conversations on Sex Addiction and Relationships team to unpack what kink really means, how it intersects with sex addiction, betrayal trauma, and recovery, and what therapists and couples need to know when navigating...

What happens when non-traditional sexual behavior, recovery, and relationship dynamics intersect? In this 3.5-minute deep dive, Dr. Stefanie Carnes explores the delicate balance of reintroducing sexual expression in relationships impacted by sex addiction and betrayal trauma. From managing arousal templates and consent, to honoring recovery boundaries and partner triggers, this conversation opens...

Is kinky sexual behaviors a healthy sexual expression or a sign of addiction? In just 2.5 minutes, Dr. Stefanie Carnes unpacks the critical difference between kink and compulsive sexual behavior. Whether you're a therapist, someone exploring your sexuality, or simply curious, this short but powerful conversation tackles the intersection of healthy sexuality, fetish, BDSM, and when it might cross t...

Is there a "right" time to make amends in sex addiction recovery? What if the person in recovery isn’t following the 12-step model—or isn’t “there yet”? In this heartfelt discussion, we explore how true amends are less about perfection and more about presence, intention, and accountability. This episode breaks down what “living amends” really means—how small, consistent, and humble actions can beg...

What happens to children when they grow up in a household shaped by addiction, betrayal, and emotional absence? In this emotional and raw conversation, we explore the long-term impact of sex addiction on kids—and what parents can do today to help stop the cycle. Through lived experience and clinical insight, the discussion touches on how a parent’s unhealed shame, absence, or addiction—whether it’...

Making amends isn’t just a step—it’s a way of living. In this powerful and honest conversation, the hosts explore what it truly means to make amends in sex addiction recovery, especially when it comes to relationships. From the early days of confusion and disclosure to those pivotal “aha” moments when empathy finally lands, this episode breaks down the real heart behind the amends process. Togethe...

In sex addiction recovery, there’s a moment—often unexpected—when everything shifts and the addict really "gets it". The defenses fall, empathy clicks into place, and for the first time, the betrayed partner feels truly seen and heard. This episode dives deep into that moment—the turning point in recovery when an addict can finally make meaningful amends. Join us as we explore how amends aren’t ju...

What does it really mean to make amends after betrayal? In this deeply vulnerable and honest episode, therapists explore the amends process from both the addict’s perspective and the betrayed partner’s experience. It's not just about apologies or flowers—it’s about understanding the full emotional impact, taking responsibility, and learning how to rebuild trust over time. We unpack the emotional w...

What happens when you grow up in a home where sex addiction, secrecy, and emotional disconnection define the family dynamic? In this intimate conversation, the author of Light in the Dark: The Hidden Legacy of Adult Children of Sex Addicts share how the book came to life—and why it's opening doors for healing across generations. Featuring Culle L. Vande Garde, one of the co-authors and a certified...

Today we talk about the concept of "carried shame"—a form of inherited emotional pain that can follow us from childhood into our adult lives. Through powerful storytelling and deep clinical insight, we explore the difference between healthy shame and carried shame, and how upbringing, parenting styles, and unspoken family dynamics shape our sense of self-worth. Featuring a vulnerable account from...

Today we speak on the long-term impact of sex addiction on children who grow up in hypersexualized households - a topic rarely discussed, but deeply important. We discuss the 12 characteristics of being an adult child of a sex addict. Whether you're a therapist, someone in recovery, or just curious about how family dynamics and hidden trauma can shape us, this episode offers education, validation,...

Why do so many people struggling with addiction also struggle with avoidance? In this deep dive, we explore how avoidance manifests in addiction, relationships, and emotional healing—and why overcoming it is critical for long-term recovery. Avoidance may have once been a coping mechanism, but in addiction and relationships, it often leads to more harm than protection. How can individuals recognize...

Is avoidance at the root of sex and love addiction? In this episode, we explore how different attachment styles influence addiction and why avoidance—whether emotional, relational, or physical—plays a significant role in both addiction and intimacy disorders. Many struggling with addiction are unconsciously protecting themselves from deeper pain. But how does this avoidance impact their relationsh...

Is avoidance a core trait of addiction? In this discussion, we explore how avoidance manifests in sex addiction and other compulsive behaviors—whether it's emotional avoidance, distraction, or withdrawing from relationships and responsibilities. Many people struggling with addiction use avoidance as a way to escape pain, fear, and emotional discomfort. But is avoidance the same as distraction? And...

"Welcome to our February Mailbag episode, where we tackle your most pressing questions on addiction, therapy, and relationships! 💬 In this discussion, we cover: 🔹 Does skipping 12-step programs increase relapse risk? 🔹 Should addicts share what they discuss in therapy with their partners? 🔹 Can privacy and transparency coexist in recovery? 🔹 When is divorce the right choice after betrayal? 🔹...

When it comes to addiction recovery, how much transparency should there be between partners? Should an addict share what they’re working on in therapy, at their 12 step meetings, or is it a private space for personal growth? While therapy is a personal journey, shutting out a partner completely can create barriers to healing. How can couples navigate this balance for a healthier relationship? #Add...

Is attending a 12-step program essential for addiction recovery, or can therapy alone be enough? In this episode, we break down the key factors that contribute to long-term sobriety and discuss the role of community, therapy, and personal commitment in preventing relapse. This episode is answering our a mailbag question. Send your questions to conversations.sar@gmail.com. We will answer them! #Add...

Technology is evolving rapidly, making our lives easier, saving us time and energy. But as we gain more convenience, are we losing meaningful human connection? While technology offers incredible opportunities—like remote work and online therapy—it also challenges our ability to connect authentically. How do we embrace its benefits without falling into disconnection?  #Technology #DigitalAge #TechA...

Is secrecy a core component of porn addiction? In this short but insightful discussion, we explore the complexities of porn addiction, including the role of secrecy, social norms, and personal values. Join us as we break down the psychological and behavioral factors behind excessive pornography use. #PornAddiction #MentalHealth #Psychology #BehavioralScience #CompulsiveBehavior