Close the Door: Game of Thrones, A Song of Ice and Fire Podcast

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Will Game of Thrones end with a JB bang or with a Star Wars medal ceremony? Is Cersei the Big Bad coming to take our heroes in the rear? Can Hot Pie Catering handle the big post-victory celebration? Jaime is halfway to hobo and we're not anywhere near halfway to season 8. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. Game of Thrones Season 8 Preview 1. Close the Do...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. In this chapter, things have gone South for the Lannister Army. Tywin knows what a vicious thug he has in the Mountain even if he’s all, “he’s just one of my employees. What do you want?” We learn that men in full plate armor do not float (take that, show!) and that game recognizes game. Also we consult the dictionary. No, really. We do. And lastly, no woman w...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We think GRRM should pretend that sex is a suckling pig, while we're all going to pretend that a ruffled bronn is really just a delightfully cheeky bird. Comma goes to the mat for Kevan Lannister, while we discover that his brother Tywin shares Jaime's questionable taste in armor. Chella has an ear abacus, and do the Lannister soldiers have a circle jerk - min...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tyrion brings the mountain clans home to meet his father. They may be gruff and into self-mutilation, but they have democracy and women's equality. Tywin is hot even though he's sporting Mungo Jerry's facial-do. Mia’s asoiaf children's story concept could work- baby dragons and kittens blepping galore. Donkeyleg serenades us with his Big Papa T song. Happy Hal...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. This episode we’re full of realizations: Jerome Flynn pretty much owns the role of Bronn. GRRM is wrong (tune in to find out why), but we totally are the mountain clans, packing up a goat in our inventory for the road. Tyrion appears to be a morning person, but probably not much of a goat milker. Mord should not go to Casterly to get what Tyrion owes him. And...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tyrion's got a big mouth and an even bigger negative review in store for The Eyrie on Westero's version of Trip Advisor. Lysa is as unhinged as the Moon Door. We want fanart of Bronn carrying Tyrion, and we want it now. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Game of Thrones - Tyrion V. Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 187

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tyrion plans a sharp lesson for Mohor, Lharys, & Kurleket (we see what you did there GRRM, nyuk nyuk nyuk). Cat learns that she was Petyr's Canadian girlfriend. We hold no ill will toward harp players in general, but we're dying to find out if Marillion's new shadowcat cloak is a tuxedo cat pattern or more of a cow cat thing. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Welcome to the all-you-can-eat crab leg dinner at The Wall! Alliser Thorne bravely challenges Tyrion to a duel, while Lord Commander Mormont tells us exactly what's going to happen..5 books from now. Also, we still have a more few things to say about Game of Thrones season 7. Hold your aurochs. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Game of Thrones - Tyrio...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. A mind needs a book as Winterfell needs a job fair. Were Benjen Stark & Howland Reed co-authoring Rhaegar & Lyanna fan fiction? The Boltons don't dick around with library late fees. Everyone is Jon's uncle, but were the Targaryens really the Trumps of Valyria? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Game of Thrones - Tyrion II Close The Door And Come Here -...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Meet Tyrion Lannister: Librarian Approved. George, why you burnin' all the bacon? Is it a Westerosi hangover cure? And don't think you can hide that hot Nedbert action from our eagle eyes. Jaime knows a seamstress and isn't afraid to use her, while Joffrey & Cersei are already plotting to kill the Stark pets. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Game of...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We love everything about Jaime Lannister, except his taste level. Welcome to the Hotel Riverrun, where "trebuchet" is just a really fun word to say. Jaime not only thinks women are (gasp!) people, he also thinks to feel sorry for the Harrenhal bear. Comma won't stop talking about crack and we all agree that fanmixes are serious business (so please send yours i...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. As we discuss the entirety of season 7, the silence is deafening as we rake our minds for our favorite moments. We’re quick with grading it, though, and it’s good for D&D that none of us have any pull with HBO. Join us as we discuss Jaime x Bran; hot old zombies, armies of 5-foot girls, and why it’s a bad idea to get between Guile and Pie. We’ve become the Tyr...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We discuss why Pod and Bronn conspicuously exit stage left, wight backpacks, Jon puts on a show to rival shamwow, Qyburn gets a hardon over magic science, Sam steals Gilly’s thunder, Dany, Jon, Jorah, and Tyrion love rhomboid, Rhaegar was not panty dropping hot, and Jaime’s finally going off to fuck loyalty. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. Game of Thr...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Did the Children of the Corn turn the first White Walkers? There's a thick line between stupid and badass. Chaos isn't a ladder, Jon and Dany's family tree is. Does the Night King have a secret sex dungeon? And better start saving up now to finance that Chicky solo ep. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. Game of Thrones 7x06 "Beyond The Wall". Close The D...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Plate armor is buoyant! Who knew? If we see a dragon, we are noping the fuck out. Michele Clapton is a Trekkie. Murder piranhas. Tyrion and Varys vent about their crazy boss at the office watercooler. Viagra crab! Jon has more chemistry with Drogon than Dany. "Faceless man dropout go back to high school.” Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. Game of Throne...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Our mailbag is huge and our technical difficulties are annoying. Tiny Arya beats big Brienne. Dragonglass and cave drawings are fine, but why not cave sex? LF is looking for cracks in the Stark sibling relationship, but Bran is basically on crack. More importantly, did we just witness the death of Larry? Will he be reborn from the watery depths as Jaime Lannis...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. D&D give the JB fandom a finger up the bum. R.I.P. Jaime Lannister. D&D hardly knew thee. Jon & Davos are doing their best Captain Kirk and Spock on the Enterprise bridge. Cersei's maid is doing her best Romulan and Bran clearly visited a few dispensaries on the road to Winterfell. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. Game of Thrones 7x03 "The Queen's Just...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Tyrion's rockin' his unemployment beard on Dragonstone's 1-season porch. Sam's rockin' his Biology 101 course, even though he's clearly a history major. Qyburn's rockin' the all-new Maginot Line Anti-Dray-gun Gun (yo). Bobby B rocked some whore's worlds down in the Red Keep basement. Euron may or may not be rockin' his leather pants. But the Sand Snakes? They...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. What do The Twins have in common with the U.S. Congress? Where did Euron get those pants? Sam's working 9-to-5, and this Sandor/Beric/Thoros story is working for all of us. Dany's homecoming, not so much. Dray-gons can't fix everything. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. Game of Thrones 7x01 "Dragonstone" Close The Door And Come Here - Episode 174

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. With season 7 almost here, we’ve got 10 fearless (or perhaps just “wrong”) predictions for the season. Will Jaime and Brienne bang? Will Hot Pie make a reappearance? Who’s going to sit on the Iron Throne? Listen in as we share our hopes, fears, and best guesses. Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. Game of Thrones Season 7 Preview - 10 Fearless Predictions...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Listen in delighted horror as we bite the fandom hands that feed us. We discuss canon Jaime and the abomination that is doofus! Jaime. But it doesn’t stop there as we delve into sad Larry Lannister and evil! Jaime, who is in no way having a redemption arc. Watch out for Brienne the Brute! And, because it can’t be said enough, Brienne will never be pretty in pi...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. We may be book snobs, but that doesn't mean GRRM is getting off scot free. We can only care about so many characters - sorry Martells & Greyjoys and Davos!?! GRRM tries to have it both ways with his fantasy world and the real world. Westeros sucks - we get it! We lament the bloat and continual expansion of this brutal world. GRRM keeps opening doors, maybe it'...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Season 7 is just around the corner, so it's time to sharpen our anti-drone spears! In our final season 7 update, we tackle the trailer, get hyped for the small possibility that Cleganebowl is back on the table, wonder why anyone would send a Greyjoy to deal with a banker (do they even know what deposit slips are?) and plan our celebratory drink menu if Jaime a...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. Guile created a killer A Song of Ice and Fire/Game of Thrones Trivia game. Think you know all your Westeros house words? Think you know whose mom is from what house? Listen as Clotho, Eon, Chicky, and Comma prove that they have barely been paying attention during the last several years of podcasting about this junk. Be sure to play along with our matching onli...

Spoilers, profanity, Jaime x Brienne. When they go low, we go lower...so let's talk about the Freys! Was the Red Wedding a $5,000 dragon affair, or a $50,000 dragon gala? Either way, the sweet playlists of Roose Bolton & Lame Lothar's Wedding Planners will make your night. But now for a serious question, who was Lady Stoneheart's neck flap holder? Game of Thrones. A Song of Ice and Fire. A Storm o...