Class with Kate

Not all avoidant behavior is necessarily abusive, but when coupled with a lack of repair, a lack of curiosity, and an unresponsiveness to your influence as a partner the dynamic can quickly become abusive. Here I explain the difference between regular avoidance behavior, avoidance with abusive tendencies, and true avoidance abuse so that you have the knowledge and tools to choose your next step. G...

In traditional marriage and family therapy, if there's no physical abuse, relationship problems are usually treated as "50/50." I believe this ignores the power dynamics in many relationships between men and women. That's why I coined the term "avoidance abuse": the use of covert power and control in a relationship. It can look like one-sided arguments, no attempts to repair, tone-policing, and wi...

Emotional neglect can happen to any child in any household. However, all it takes is one stable adult in a child’s life to counteract this neglect! Now the question is: how can we heal this trauma as an adult? In this second video of my emotional neglect series, I explain the importance of healthy relationships for our overall wellbeing, how therapy can give us the experience that parents typicall...

The ACE study found 10 types of childhood trauma that directly impacted health in adulthood, but no one talks about the most pervasive kind: emotional neglect. This kind of trauma is often invisible to outsiders and even to the children who experience it because it's not about what happened to you, it's about what DIDN'T happen.    In this video I go over three common types of emotional neglect, i...

"Gratitude lists" are a staple of self-help advice, but NOT on my channel. The opposite of toxic positivity = actually confronting the negative parts of your life and getting ANGRY.  In this third video of my emotions series, I offer 3 practical tools to feel your real feelings safely: hate lists, tapping, and emotional forecasting. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www...

Refusing to name your emotions doesn't mean they aren't there. Hustle culture tells us to be "logical" rather than emotional, but you can't actually make a change if you avoid your feelings. In this second video of my Emotions 101 series, I share the most important step to becoming more present in your feelings: NAME IT TO TAME IT. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www....

Hustle culture tells us to suck it up and "just do it," but when you ignore the fire in your heart, your brain has to deal with the smoke. In this first video in my emotions series, I'll show you how to actually feel your feelings before you "change your mindset." Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codependencykate.com

Many parents will say they “didn’t mean” to hurt you, but never actually change their hurtful behavior. When it comes to our children, we have to focus on the impact of our actions, NOT our intentions.   Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok    www.codependencykate.com

Snatching toys doesn’t make your child a "bad kid,” they might’ve learned the behavior from you. If you want to stop this behavior at the root you have to start with yourself. Here I introduce the term childism, point out how it might be showing up in your parenting, and offer a method that will help you AND your child make better choices.    Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and...

When our kids misbehave, it's important to know why before correcting. With other adults, the complete opposite is true. Here I explain the difference between a "bottom-up" approach and a "top-down" approach, and how to know which one actually applies to your situation. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codependencykate.com

If you grew up with a parent who only saw you for your behavior and not your inner world, your ignored emotions probably show up in ways you wish they didn’t. You don’t have to keep living like this! You can show yourself the love you should have received before by actually meeting your own needs, and the method I introduce explains exactly how.   Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube,...

Your kid isn't being "bad" when it's time to get in the carseat, but your mentality towards it is holding you back. Here I introduce you to the term "childism" and name it as the cause to this issue, and maybe many other parenting issues you may be having! Then I give you a method that will actually work to change this.. every single time. In this video: what childism actually is, how it holds you...

This concludes our series on BAD COUPLES THERAPY… for now. Here Kate meets with Martha and Megan, who have both experienced bad therapy, to very different degrees. Learn when it’s time to report vs when it’s time to find someone else. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codependencykate.com

Renee comes to Class with Kate after her husband of 20 years had an affair. She wonders what to do and if her husband is really capable of repair. She then adds her experiences with couples therapy, which reflect Sarah and Renee’s experiences (in the previous episode). Listen to what Kate has to say about how to move forward. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok www.codepe...

Both Sarah and Renee have been unhappily married to their partners for quite some time. When they have sought out couples therapy, they have gotten no meaningful support. Listen to their stories and how Kate helps them advocate for themselves. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok   www.codependencykate.com

Are all relationships 50/50? For every action, there is an equal reaction, right? That’s how therapists have been trained to treat couples. But what about in cases of abuse? Let’s talk about when couples therapy harms women and how to advocate for yourself. Find more @CodependencyKate on Instagram, YouTube, and TikTok   www.codependencykate.com

Content Warning: Discussion of childhood abuse, neglect, physical punishment, and trauma. John came into Office Hours worried about his attitude, his relationships, and the growing distance between himself and his children. But as he shares stories from his childhood, a much bigger picture emerges. Growing up with neglectful, emotionally abandoning parents, living in a hoarded home, and experienci...

This class started with an unexpected problem: Kate couldn't think. What looked like simple brain fog became a live demonstration of what it means to listen to yourself instead of pushing harder. Rather than forcing her way through it, Kate used the BEND framework in real time to understand what her mind and body were trying to communicate. The result was an unplanned but powerful lesson about emo...

In Part 2 of My DIL Stopped Talking to Me, Kate sits down one-on-one with Tiffany to go deeper into her estrangement from her son and daughter-in-law. As the conversation unfolds, Tiffany identifies some influence related to what Kate calls the adultosphere—the internet space that believes younger generations are cutting people off for no reason and don't value family. Together, they unpack what m...

What happens when an estranged mother-in-law sits down with women who have lived through estrangement from the other side? In this episode of Office Hours, Tiffany shares her pain as an estranged MIL. Christina reflects on reconnecting with her father after 20 years of estrangement, while Amber offers insight from her healthy relationship with her own mother-in-law. With Kate facilitating the conv...

Everyone talks about the manosphere. But what if there's an adultosphere too? In this episode, Kate explores how childism—the belief that adults deserve more power and respect than children—shapes families and relationships. She also unpacks the surprising similarities between toxic mothers-in-law and entitled men: both expect authority based on status rather than earned trust. From "because I'm y...

Trigger warning: sexual abuse, religious trauma, coercion, emotional abuse. Allison married young inside a high-control religious culture and spent years believing her husband’s behavior was normal. But after realizing her wedding night was assault and uncovering the deep misogyny driving their marriage, she asks the question so many women are terrified to face: can a toxic incel husband actually...

Taylor and Iris come into Office Hours with two different marriage struggles that uncover the same deeper pain: feeling unseen. Iris is navigating difficult in-law dynamics, unwanted gifts from grandparents, and uncertainty about her place in the family. Taylor opens up about grief and the loneliness of feeling misunderstood by her husband. Together, they explore boundaries, emotional disconnectio...

Ever gone numb during conflict? Forgotten entire conversations? Felt disconnected from yourself, your partner, or your life? You may be dissociating — and most people don’t even realize they’re doing it. In this episode, Kate breaks down what dissociation actually is, why the nervous system uses it for protection, and how it quietly impacts relationships, communication, intimacy, parenting, and co...

Chuck is estranged from his mom and brother and keeps asking the same painful question: How do I have a relationship with people who won’t change? But Kate challenges something deeper underneath it all: what if his constant need to help, rescue, explain, and fix them is actually protecting him from grief? This episode unpacks the exhausting cycle of trying to manage emotionally unavailable family...