CineMortuary Podcast

JAWS 3D DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOJAWS 3D DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOJAWS 3D DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOJAWS 3DJAWS 3D DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOJAWS 3D DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOJAWS 3D DOO DOO DOO DOO DOO DOOJAWS 3DAlso, we finally dish out the 'The Golden Turdies', dishing out awards for our first year of CineMortuary. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

We're going deeper underground for our biggest podcast yet. Probably. Maybe. Not. Size does matter, so here's Matthew Broderick being a massive bellend. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Inspired by the meta-sequel The Town That Dreaded Sundown, here's a podcast about a podcast detailing a podcast that happened in a previous podcast but now has its own podcast. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The lads celebrate reaching a quarter of a century by revisiting the Alien franchise. Here's a HOT TAKE for you: we quite like this one. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The lads take a bite out of Dracula, hammering home why this sucks. (Jim Duggan intensifies) Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

A budgie is shoved into the microwave by a lamp. What more do you people want?! Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Get up, come on get down with the sicknessGet up, come on get down with the sicknessGet up, come on get down with the sicknessOpen up your hate, and let it flow into me Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Seriously, Dan, you just spent thousands of dollars on a top-of-the-range security system and you won't even check your DVR when spooky shit happens to your daughter, wtf are you doing you utter gammon?twitter.com/cinemortuaryfacebook.com/cinemortuaryinstagram.com/cinemortuaryletterboxd.com/cinemortuary Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

The lads try getting back to normal, or as normal as it gets, in the aftermath of Blair Witch: Book of Shadows. Chris has apparently murdered a man, Dave got hitched, Rob's recovering from a 4am McDonalds, and god knows where Big Rich has gone. Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

YOU LET BIG RICH DO A PODCAST??? Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

You have two choices for the different second film: go to New York or go to space. Thankfully Fin and his shark-specific tornadoes opt for the Big Apple, where he's surrounded by celebrities I think we're meant to recognise. twitter.com/cinemortuaryfacebook.com/cinemortuaryinstagram.com/cinemortuaryletterboxd.com/cinemortuary Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

This remake of the TV film - put those complaints away - places us right in the middle of the current wave of 1980s nostalgia. Can we expect something different than kids on bikes clowning around like a bunch of goon(ie)s? Well, Stranger Things have happened.twitter.com/cinemortuaryfacebook.com/cinemortuaryinstagram.com/cinemortuaryletterboxd.com/cinemortuary Learn more about your ad choices. Visi...

Oh dear. The lads find themselves stuck in a mental institution with only a nun speaking in nonsensical riddles for company. Their dreams are trying to kill them, and even worse, the guy responsible has developed a taste for terrible puns. Can they survive? Or with the dream warriors, they don't want to dream no more, and maybe tonight they'll be gone.www.cinemortuary.comtwitter.com/cinemortuaryin...

So we're clear: the maid's body was in the attic before the married couple's because the maid's sequence at the beginning of the film takes place chronologically after the couple move in and it's their corpses the maid sees as she's dragged up and killed before the couple move in and wait that's not right--www.cinemortuary.comTWITTER: www.twitter.com/cinemortuaryINSTAGRAM: www.instagram.com/cinemo...

Part 2 of CineMortuary's unboxing trilogy and Dave's at it again choosing films that are horror in name only (granted the first Blade was quite goretacular). We're too excited from seeing Danny John Jules in a non-Red Dwarf role to care.www.cinemortuary.comTWITTER: twitter.com/cinemortuaryFACEBOOK: facebook.com/cinemortuaryINSTAGRAM: instagram.com/cinemortuary Learn more about your ad choices. Vis...

The first part of CineMortuary's unboxing trilogy sees Rob deliver a near-literal turd in a box. That's why we're dipping back into John Carpenter remake territory with the 2005 remake of The Fog - where atmospherics and Jamie Lee Curtis have been replaced by Fall Out Boy and Shannon from Lost. On the plus side, CEX will offer to buy Dave and Chris' newly acquired DVDs for 1p. www.cinemortuary.com...

Our last episode featured a film so obscure, we've made an effort to synergetically put our ducks in a row and target our key demographics in order to enhance the CineMortuary experience. Who'd have thought reviewing a modern film would shoot us into the big time? Now buy our merch.www.cinemortuary.comTWITTER: twitter.com/cinemortuaryFACEBOOK: facebook.com/cinemortuaryINSTAGRAM: instagram.com/cine...

Somewhere in Spain, exactly 500 years ago tonight, Dailymotion was created as a rival to YouTube. But it was a bit bollocks and uncool so everyone forgot about it. What will happen when the king of obsolete formats gives the other two hosts a reason to venture into this ghost town? Nothing but red X's and ten year old episodes of TNA Impact await.www.cinemortuary.comTWITTER: twitter.com/cinemortua...

No clues. No motives. A city full of suspects. Solving this case is going to be murder. Well darn.www.cinemortuary.comTWITTER: twitter.com/cinemortuaryFACEBOOK: facebook.com/cinemortuaryINSTAGRAM: instagram.com/cinemortuary Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

Amazing Cage, how sweet the sound,That saved a wretch like me. I once was lost but now am found,Was blind, NO NOT THE BEES.www.cinemortuary.comTWITTER: twitter.com/cinemortuaryFACEBOOK: facebook.com/cinemortuaryINSTAGRAM: instagram.com/cinemortuaryBeginning shamelessly stolen from https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v_mW8mBzmHo Learn more about your ad choices. Visit megaphone.fm/adchoices

"It's not a horror film though, is it?"The thing is, if Dave hadn't been put on the spot he would've chosen something more gore-tastic. And if Chris hadn't screwed up his calendar, we could've scheduled this episode for New Year's Day as The Mummy Returns' is quite a 3pm New Year's Day on BBC One film. And if Rob hadn't stood there looking as lost as David O'Leary at the end of his run as manager...

Having travelled beyond the Long Hard Road Out of Hell (aka 2017), This Is the New Shit. Rob, Chris, and Dave review the House of Haunted Hill remake; where instead of some Disposable Teens, we have The Nobodies. They better Get their Gunns (from coffins-within-coffins for some reason) and break out the Fight Song as our Beautiful People must spend a night in said haunting house without dying. Wil...

The final episode of 2017 takes us into the realms of weird space flowers, weird sports zombies, and weird Jeff Goldblum wandering onto the set until they were forced to put him in the film. Chris (sponsored by water®) explains why the 1956 is his favourite horror film, while Rob and Dave play switcheroo on their opinions about the remake. But who's to say our hosts haven't been replaced by alien...

It's the second round of Dave's Laserdisc shitbin. This time we look at Mary Shelley's Frankenstein (1994), which IMDB describes as follows:Based on Kenneth Branagh's novel, "Kenneth Branagh" tells the story of Kenneth Branagh, a promising young doctor who, devastated by the death of Kenneth Branagh during childbirth, becomes obsessed with bringing Kenneth Branagh back to life. His experiments lea...

Rob, Dave, and Chris bring that beat back as we dive headfirst into 2001. We talk about Drowning Pool, The Matrix, and the fashion sense straight outta Buffy the Vampire Slayer. You can hear the nostalgia in our voices - we may even go and get frosted tips after this. Oh and Jason Voorhees is frozen, woken up hundreds of years later, shot up into space, whatever.www.cinemortuary.comTWITTER: twitte...