Chemstories – a podcast about PnP/chemsex (English-language edition)

In this second and last segment of the YHZ Maturity flight, Halifax host Andrew concludes his conversation with Harry and Hector, focusing on the intersection of aging, HIV, and chemsex. The guests discuss how living with HIV has evolved, with U=U (Undetectable = Untransmittable) and PrEP fundamentally changing the landscape of sexual health and intimacy. However, they note a lingering disconnect...

Halifax host Andrew introduces Harry and Hector, two older participants whose experiences challenge the typical narrative of youth and recklessness often associated with chemsex. Hector, who began using drugs in his mid-50s after retiring, candidly discusses the unexpected slide from isolation to regular use. Harry, with a 20-year history of use, reflects on the "allure" of crystal meth—a "powerfu...

In this second chapter of the YHZ Resilience flight, Halifax host Andrew guides Steven and James through a raw discussion on the complex intersection of trauma, shame, and recovery. James opens up about how a strict religious upbringing led him to repress childhood abuse, and later, how chemsex became a way to enact a self-fulfilling prophecy of being "reduced to just a sex object". Steven explain...

Halifax host Andrew opens a challenging yet necessary conversation with guests Steven and James, focusing on the intersection of chemsex, consent, and sexual trauma. Steven, five years into recovery, shares how early experiences of sexual abuse created a "gateway" not just to substance use, but to a pattern of seeking out sexual encounters as a way to regain a sense of control. He describes how su...

In the inaugural episode of the YHZ Halifax flights, Investigator Olivier introduces local host Andrew, whose personal journey from daily chemsex use to becoming a key advocate in Nova Scotia shapes the conversation. He candidly addresses the "internalized homophobia" often found in more rural or industrial areas of the East Coast, which can drive chemsex further underground. He discusses a desire...

In this prelude to the YHZ Halifax series, this episode centers on the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words?  First, Olivier Ferlatte, the principal investigator of Chemstories, asks the question to Halifax Host Andrew who emphasizes that lived experience is a powerful tool for empa...

Éric, Ally, and Michael address the lack of support and visibility for gender-diverse individuals in the chemsex scene. Éric emphasizes that amplifying these rare voices is essential to breaking isolation for those who feel unseen.  The group also critiques alienating, abstinence-only recovery models, instead celebrating the emergence of inclusive harm-reduction alternatives. They conclude by advo...

Éric, Ally, and Michael examine performative gender pressures. Éric used chemsex to escape hyper-masculinity while briefly embodying its "super version." Ally similarly built a masculine persona for acceptance but eventually used these experiences to peel back those layers and reject external validation.  The group also discusses how identity impacts relationships. Michael highlights the difficult...

Montréal Host Éric introduces Ally and Michael to center gender-diverse voices in the chemsex conversation. Éric connects his drug use to his non-binary identity, discussing how gender dysphoria and a lack of affirming care can make substances a survival mechanism. Michael explains using chemsex to cope with transition-related isolation and to disconnect from bodily anxiety.  Ally shares their jou...

Éric, Hugues, and Jean-Sébastien discuss the community response to chemsex. Jean-Sébastien critiques treating addiction as a personal failure, advocating for a collective, skilled approach instead. They highlight gaps in healthcare systems not designed for queer lives and the need for non-judgmental spaces where people can truly be heard.  Looking ahead, Hugues calls for sustainable solutions that...

Éric, Hugues, and Jean-Sébastien explore the evolution of queer spaces—from clandestine origins to modern venues centered on sensuality or sobriety. They discuss a post-COVID shift toward more diverse ways to meet and connect.  The group delves into how sex functions as a tool for validation, often using substances to navigate the vulnerability of intimacy. Hugues frames queer joy as political res...

Montreal Host Éric introduces Hugues and Jean-Sébastien to discuss the intersections of queer history, community, sex and substance use. Hugues, a researcher of queer spaces, shares his experience in PnP culture viewed through a lens of strict moderation. Jean-Sébastien, founder of "Ça prend un village," discusses his transition from addiction to recovery advocacy, highlighting the power of real s...

Éric, Gabriel, and Mikiki explore the body’s role in addiction and recovery. Éric shares how traditional 12-step programs failed him until he embraced drug use as a somatic experience rather than just a mental one. This shift transformed his creative process, allowing him to write from bodily intuition and move beyond past darkness.  The group also discusses sexual intimacy after chemsex, critiqui...

Éric, Gabriel, and Mikiki explore the tension between suffering and pleasure in chemsex, challenging the narrative that addiction stems solely from pain. They reflect on how substance use initially served as an "antidote" to perfectionism and trauma before spiraling into shame and isolation.  The group discusses art's role in processing these experiences; Gabriel shares how his "DEAR VICKY" collec...

Montreal host Éric introduces performance artist Mikiki, whose journey from "baby anarchist" to queer health activist informs their provocative work. Mikiki discusses video as an anti-market medium for activism and how complex PTSD led them to prioritize art over traditional employment.  They explore Mikiki’s video "Red Flags: A Love Letter," which reframes injection drug use through a neutral or...

Montreal host Éric introduces Gabriel, a fashion designer who transforms trauma into cathartic art. They discuss his graduate collection, "SØRRY MØM," which uses a flood metaphor to depict recovery from crystal meth. The designs progress from dark, suffocating silhouettes representing the "deep end" to lighter tones symbolizing the imperfect nature of healing.  They also explore "HONEYCUM," which...

Éric and Olivier discuss Montreal's unique party landscape, where "progressive" vibes and 24/7 bathhouses foster an openness to substance use. Éric critiques the city’s fragile support systems, highlighting a reliance on short-term funding rather than a permanent strategy for long-term recovery.  Looking ahead, Éric previews upcoming panels on art and advocacy while candidly discussing the difficu...

Olivier introduces Éric, a playwright and community advocate prominent in Montreal’s chemsex scene. Éric explains how his play, “ Ces regards amoureux de garçons altérés ”, captures the raw intensity of a 72-hour sauna session. Writing while active allowed him to portray the experience's complexity—not just the struggle, but the pleasure and the search for connection. Éric also reflects on his dec...

The inaugural YUL Montreal episode centers on the central question of this podcast series: Why is it important for people with lived experience of PnP/chemsex to tell their own stories in their own words? Principal investigator Olivier Ferlatte poses this to host Éric, who then gathers reflections from guests Hugues, Jean-Sébastien, Mikiki, Gabriel, Michael, and Ally. Together, they illustrate why...

The group redefines stigma as active oppression that creates borders within the community. They discuss the vital necessity of friendships to combat isolation, highlighting the importance of a non-judgmental "voice of reason." The group also explores the phenomenon of "G-mance," debating whether the intense affection felt while high is authentic or merely a chemical illusion. Ultimately, the episo...

The conversation dives deep into the hierarchies and double standards within the party community—specifically the stigma surrounding "slamming" (injecting) versus smoking or snorting. Edwin introduces the concept of the "street nurse" or "admin"—a role he plays to ensure safety and aftercare for others—while the group debates the ethics of intervening when a fellow partier is struggling. They also...

Toronto host Bradley welcomes Christoph, Edwin, and Tyler—who together boast a combined 122 years of lived experience with drugs. They unpack the local lexicon, debating the clinical term "chemsex" versus the community-preferred "party," and discuss the subtle ways ("the look") they recognize other community members. The group reflects on diverse origin stories—from liberating first experiences in...

In this bonus leg of the Wisdom flight, the conversation turns to the "velvet mourning" of widowhood. Matthew discusses the tragic loss of his partner to an overdose, while Reid recounts the isolation of grieving a partner of nine years who had never come out to his family—resulting in the erasure of their relationship at the funeral. The discussion explores navigating cumulative grief, from the A...

Matthew and Reid challenge traditional labels, with Matthew rejecting the term "addict" and framing his past use as a closed chapter. Reid explores how the U=U revolution (Undetectable = Untransmittable) reshaped his belonging, moving him beyond the "poz-only" safety of online groups. The conversation candidly examines the difficulty of loving an active user while maintaining one's own stability,...

The discussion shifts to the collision between chemsex and the criminal justice system. Reid recounts a harrowing false accusation of unlawful confinement that led to a terrifying detainment and a "negotiation with the universe" to quit meth.  Meanwhile, Matthew shares the stark reality of spending 383 days in prison following an HIV non-disclosure charge. The episode examines the lasting trauma o...