Can You Don't?

What type of jobs could you realistically have if all your fingers were superglued together on each hand? Parade waver? Ice cream scooper? Dog poop picker-upper? Let's talk about that, parrots laughing at each other's potty mouth, trying to take a refrigerator that's holding your liver onto an airplane, duct tapping random fish to ATMs all over the world, and more on today's episode of Can You Don...

Why isn't there a store on the planet where it's socially acceptable to just yell out the item you can't locate? Why must we wondering around until we see an employee in a nicely colored vest? Let's talk about that, chain smoking cigarettes while running a marathon, a disagreement in the family about posting family photos on social media, maybe the greatest/worst song ever written which includes m...

Did you know that we used to have mouse traps that were loaded with gunpowder and would literally blast mice in the face? Let's talk about that, sneaking crazy ass things into people's food just for funzzies, opening a shocker of a gift while on a Tinder date, Joe catching some dude beating off in the casino bathroom, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gagg...

If you were going on a swimming with sharks expedition and the guy giving you the safety briefing was missing a fair amount of limbs... would that change anything for you? Let's talk about that, Bryan flopping his dong around in his living room window, helping so many people track down their stolen bikes, getting stripped of your medals for pooping in a bathtub, and more on today's episode of Can...

Can you imagine ordering an Uber and some dude named Jebadiah rolls up in a covered wagon, ready to take you and your friends downtown? Let's talk about that, setting up a living room scene around a massive pothole, extracting semen from your dead husband in order to have another baby, using an old overhead projector to communicate during sexy time, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *...

Have you ever come across a bathroom attendant while out and about at a fancy bar or restaurant? Have you ever thought about how funny it would be if there was an attendant in a bathroom that didn't have any stalls? Let's talk about that, stealing pictures of food and claiming you made them on social media, the chances that we're all living in a simulation right now, shooting yourself in the butt...

Does it drive you insane when someone doesn't finish common household tasks completely? Let's talk about that, not knowing that you had a pair of freakin' chopsticks jammed up in your brain, why do a lot of us hide the toilet paper in the bathroom, having to be breast fed by your mom for the rest of your life, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and a...

Remember that time you searched for 'dick sex' on PornHub? OF COURSE YOU DON'T! Let's talk about that, using an AI chatbot to catfish an old man out of a lot of money, screwing your ex in the bathroom at a party you invited your current boyfriend to, smashing yourself while moving your husband's motorcycle trying to be nice, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of T...

Have you ever been to a Christmas party that ended with everyone watching your boss plow his wife in front of everybody and vomit in your favorite guacamole bowl? Let's talk about that, hiding from the cops in a barn with a bunch of cows, wanting a lesser sentence for items you stole because they were on sale, how much money is really spent on Christmas related items each year, and more on today's...

Here's the situation. Your car has just been stolen and it sucks. Added bummer... your child was inside that car. Triple dummer, Volkswagen won't track the car because you haven't signed up for their tracking service. Let's talk about that, pounding Hulk Hogan's spray tanned vajay, your husband refusing to park his big-ass truck outside the garage, not getting mad in traffic because of some concer...

Can you imagine standing in line at the airport, just trying to buy your morning coffee... when suddenly you get taken out from behind by an out of control motorized suitcase? Let's talk about that, coworkers that are WAY to sensitive, thinking your vageener made your husband gag when it was actually just the drugs you guys consumed, slamming your entire hand in a door on a weekly basis, and more...

Can a person have an emotional support horse? And if so, can you imagine having to sit next to it on an airplane? Let's talk about that, how out of your Goddamn mind you have to be to actually need the am/pm setting on your oven, having to poop during an active shooter situation, being really bad at killing people, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle...

Be honest. If Arnold Schwarzenegger and a baby were both drowning in a pool and you could only save one of them... you'd at least consider saving Arnold. Let's talk about that, doing a good deed but then thanking yourself in the local newspaper afterwards, the world's worst detective, pouring sugar on your butthole, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle...

Can you imagine trying to order some juice in a foreign country and then the next second you're surrounded by police because your translation app said you wanted a grenade instead? Let's talk about that, the worst school janitor in the history of school janitors, your husband talking to you while using his cum-sock as a sock puppet, why do windshield wipers still suck so much, and more on today's...

Everybody loves getting those random spam tests around election time, but what if they started sending you pictures of your kids and threatening to end their life if you didn't vote for them? Let's talk about that, losing a good friend because you made them orgasm, caving in a gas station sign with a bag of water, basically cutting yourself in half with a chainsaw, and more on today's episode of C...

What would the world look like today if we could go out for dinner and then just pay with a beaver pelt when the check came? Let's talk about that, sleeping with a different stranger every single day, how amazing it is that we aren't all off the charts with anxiety all the time, getting pissed about your air-conditioned seats being a little bit too noisy, and more on today's episode of Can You Don...

Picture the scariest, top-tier haunted house... now imagine forcing an already scared Chihuahua to go through it with you! haha... man, what a terrible idea. Let's talk about that, accidentally shooting your grandson with a blank to start a wedding, how weird it would be to be saved by a doctor who's dressed up for Halloween, one of the craziest deep sea fish ever, and more on today's episode of C...

Pro Tip: If you find yourself attending an 'end of life party' for a friend, do not ask to take a sip of their life ending cocktail just to see what it tastes like. Let's talk about that, some super neat facts about Halloween, a telltale sign you're from a small town, a McDonald's bathroom story from literal hell, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle a...

Does the thought of watching someone rub cake in their armpits turn you on? How about the thought of standing naked in the kitchen and pouring beans all over your body? Or how about simply seeing a shoe under some boobs? If yes, you are going to LOVE this episode! Let's talk about that, dragging a dead body around Target, a new shock video we didn't have the balls to watch, how lame it would be to...

Do you think if you and your friends returned back to a hotel after a night of partying you could run the whole business because there were no employees in the building? Let's talk about that, what movie you wish you could watch again for the first time, an old lady using a knife to break into your bathroom stall, how poorly Joe would do in today's China, and more on this episode of Can You Don't?...

Exploring the wild west with Lewis and Clark would have been pretty sweet... IF you had an off-road, motorized Lazy-E-Boy recliner! Let's talk about that, fast food restaurants with hot tubs inside, making the 911 dispatcher use their manners during an emergency, 40 people working together to lift a bus off a kid, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle a...

If you were turned into an egg for one year, who would you trust to keep you safe in order to win a million dollars? Let's talk about that, getting a bunch of electrical wire stuck in your pee hole, the best ways to spend money, accidentally turning off your friend's pancreas, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access all the extra content on the...

Remember that one time you were taking a dump and your girlfriend's younger brother came into the bathroom, didn't know you were in there, and started jerking off in the shower while saying his own sister's name? It's a tale as old as time. Let's talk about that, waking up to watch I Love Lucy, sniffing your own ear wax, being addicted to stealing life preservers from airplanes, and more on today'...

Maybe we're just uninformed about the topic... but it seems like metal detectors should be able to detect an entire gun being hidden inside some fat rolls, yeah? Let's talk about that, Uncle Zaq being super hairy, accidentally having anal sex for four years, your cat having the face of Tommy Lee Jones, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of The Gaggle and access al...

Have you ever been driving by someone's house, thought they had a nice porch, and then decided to just take their entire porch home with you? Let's talk about that, getting butt-blasted by the nicest man with an advent calendar, how many people do you actually care about in your life, getting COVID for the third Goddamn time, and more on today's episode of Can You Don't?! *** Wanna become part of...