Betrayal Recovery Radio: The Official Podcast of APSATS

(Part 2 of 2) "Family of Origin" is the term used in counseling work to refer to the relational systems into which we were born and raised. Our families of origin leave lasting impacts on us all. They are the source of so many of our most basic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. A crucial step in healing for all people is to gain an awareness of our families of origin. This awareness&nb...

(Part 1 of 2) "Family of Origin" is the term used in counseling work to refer to the relational systems into which we were born and raised. Our families of origin leave lasting impacts on us all. They are the source of so many of our most basic ways of thinking, feeling, and behaving. A crucial step in healing for all people is to gain an awareness of our families of origin. This awareness&nb...

Everything about your sexual health is impacted when you are betrayed by someone you love and trust.  Dr. Crystal Hollenbeck is a Certified Sex Addiction Therapist, an ASSECT Certified Sex Therapist, and an APSATS Certified Clinical Partner Specialist.  She helps betrayed partners move from unhealthy to healthy sexuality in the healing process after betrayal.  Dr. Hollenbeck underst...

Sex addiction is often an intimacy disorder. For many, its roots take hold during the early stages of childhood development when we should be given the instruction and nurturing needed to emotionally bond with others. When this does not happen, we struggle to feel love, or for that matter, feel any emotions. We are emotionally undeveloped. This leaves us lacking the skills and resources needed to...

Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the second half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference...

Betrayal Trauma is a reality. It’s not weakness of character, lack of forgiveness, or a sign of resentment. The discovery of secret betrayal has a literal, physical affect on the brain and its ability to process and act upon the data we take in as we move through life. In this episode, you’ll hear the first half of Dr. Jake Porter’s keynote presentation on Betrayal Trauma at the XPOSED conference...

Betrayed partners are usually so traumatized by the discovery of their partners' addiction or betrayal that they are trying to just put together the reality of what life is and has truly been. The first phase of healing from betrayal trauma is safety and stabilization. One of the first things that needs to happen is to find out what the betrayed partner needs to feel safe, and that usually means i...

Divorce might seem like the obvious answer when betrayal occurs, but there are ways to save a marriage or relationship if the betrayer and partner are willing to step into healing. In this conversation between Dr. Jake and APSATS Certified Partner Coach Kim Hansen Petroni, they discuss the topic of divorce after the betrayal from several angles.    Links from the show: http://apsats.org...

One of the trickiest scenarios recovering addicts and betrayed partners must navigate involves disclosure to children. How much do you tell? When do you share? Who should do it? While there's no one-size-fits-all approach to answer these questions, some principles are generally helpful to those who are facing this reality. In this episode, APSATS-trained Carley Pool, LPC Associate discusses these...

(This is the second part of a two-part series on core values. If you've not yet heard part one, go listen to that first!) Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most.   Core values act as guides, pointing us in the direction of our dreams, hope, and expectations. This is true for individuals,...

Everyone has values. Some people choose their values on purpose. Others fall into valuing things that lead them away from the life they want most. Core values act as guides, pointing us in the direction of our dreams, hope, and expectations. This is true for individuals, but it can be true for couples, as well. Discover the power of shared values in relationships through this episode with Dr. Jake...

In this conversation on the needs of couples after the discovery of sexual addiction, Dr. Jake is joined by Carol the Coach discuss her ERCEM model, the Early Recovery Couples Empathy Model. Jake and Carol talk about the three phases of healing for betrayal trauma, and how the betraying partner can help to heal the relationship, despite being the cause of pain. They discuss what true empathy is, a...

In Julie's interview, she will discuss why attunement is important, how it can be developed, the three C's of Non-Verbal Communication: context, cluster, congruency. Albert Mehrabian's 55%, 38%, 7% Rule states that only 7% of what we communicate is with words, and yet we focus so many tools on this aspect. The rest of what we say is through signals, micro-expressions, facial reflexes, breathing pa...

Betrayal can be devastating to your partner and your relationship, but many couples still love one another and are committed to mending their relationships. In order to do this, it is important for the unfaithful party to understand the traumatic nature of betrayal, and understand how to respond sensitively to their partner's pain. It is also critical they adopt a stance of honesty, transparency a...

Many people initially seek therapy for problems in their intimate relationships unaware that attachment patterns established in childhood directly affect behavior in their adult relationships. It is important to dismantle and become mindful of survival strategies unconsciously created in childhood that cause dysfunction in adult life. Neglect and our reaction to it is one of the most subtle and un...

After the discovery of sexual betrayal, betrayed partners need much more than "mere sobriety" for trust to be rebuilt. In this episode, Dr. Jake interview APSATS Certified Partner Coach Michelle Dyett-Welcome on the topic of life integrity. By focusing on issues of character and the necessity of core values living, those who have committed betrayal can experience deep healing for themselves, and m...

In this episode, Dr. Jake reflects on some of the things he's learned over the years he's worked with sex addicts and betrayed partners. He discusses why these lessons are important for both professionals in the field but also those individuals seeking to recovery from the consequences of addiction and betrayal. Dr. Jake expands on these eight lessons: Betrayal is an issue of justice. Disclosures...

Discovery of sexual betrayal erodes safety, trust and intimacy in relationships. This brings devastation to the partner and the relationship. So how do we start the process of healing after sexual betrayal? One major way to begin healing is through a formal disclosure process, facilitated by a professional. In this episode, we’ll explore what a formal disclosure is, as well as the benefits and ris...

Our difficult life experiences and traumas, including those we have collectively experienced in the last few years, have created an opening for personal growth, healing, and an opportunity to connect within our community in a way that we were never offered in the past. Through her own experience of walking through personal devastation and loss while healing in nature, Sara shares the principles sh...

When someone is suffering from Betrayal Trauma, they are typically frightened, angry, confused, sometimes frozen in a state of shock wanting to just feel safe. So safety and stabilization is the immediate mission with a betrayed partner. Throughout the healing process the partner will constantly be pointed back to the issue of safety because that is the root to being able to trust again. Regardles...

Both the addict and the partner suffer from the loss of time, meaning, and clarity. Connecting together through pain, shame, and helplessness (vulnerability) enables them to recreate a shared story of suffering and recovering together. Learning to grieve one's own losses is critical for individual recovery; learning to grieve shared losses is critical to relational recovery. When the addict, in pa...

Grief is an inevitable part of the healing processes for those who have been impacted by the discovery of betrayal, as well as for those who have done the betraying. Grief and mourning, the second phase of APSATS Multidimensional Partner Trauma Model, is where those who have experienced loss begin to create a new meaning that leads to healing and the ability to move forward. In this episode, Dr. J...

Recovery is meant to be a journey, not a destination. Healing is not an end unto itself, but a process needed to make another way of living possible, without the weight of trauma and addiction. In this conversation between Dr. Jake and Jessica Guillory, an APSATS-trained LPC, they discuss how people can begin to see signs that efforts for recovery might be getting in the way of post-traumatic grow...

The twin processes of recovery from sex addiction and healing from betrayal trauma can be complicated. The complexity of the wounds, both individually and relationally, can leave people feeling disoriented and lost. In the Q&A session, Dr. Jake Porter and APSATS Certified Partner Coach Andrea Rogers take on those questions from actually folks in the trenches of the recovery process. Links mentione...

Couples who have suffered the consequences of sexual addiction and betrayal have quite the journey ahead. While traditional models of recovery focus on parallel processes of recovery for the addicted and betrayed partners, Carol the Coach's new model — ERCEM — helps couples begin healing together through the power of empathy. Links mentioned in the show: APSATS.org ChooseConnectionSummit.com https...